Judgement - Johndo

54

„What's the matter Doyoung? It's a bit unlike you to call us to your room.", Taeyong asks as he enters with Sicheng, a bit worried but also confused.

Something must have happened if he now calls for them, especially for both. Usually, if even, he would only ask Taeyong to come over. Yet in the chat he clearly asked for both of them.

„I know. Sit down you two, kiddo you better near Taeyong and not directly next to me.", Doyoung answers, not facing them as he crawls onto his bed.

„Why not? Is something the matter?", Taeyong asks, now even more worried.

„Not yet but it will be in a bit. Just sit down and listen idiots."

Even though he may have called them „idiots", it doesn't sound harsh or mean, it's sounds rather soft and a bit lovingly, not meant serious or as an insult at all.

Taeyong was about to ask again, because the voice he's using with them now is really unlike him, yet decided to keep shut, let Doyoung speak and tell what he wants to say.

„First of all, I would like to apologize.", Doyoung starts, now turning around towards them after hearing they had settled down, Taeyong on the other end of his bed, Sicheng on the chair next to his desk.

Both brothers are surprised when Doyoung does so, his eyes are red and swollen, as if he had cried. Something they had never seen him do. If he really really has cried just before this now... then it has to be a very serious matter.

Taeyong asks further, „Why are you apologizing? What for?"

„A lot. I could say that I'm sorry to you for the rest of my life probably and you still have no reason to even believe that I am. But let's start this from the beginning. I can't believe I'm really gonna do this right now, I will probably hate myself later... Just as warning in advance, I might drink again after this.", Doyoung starts to ramble and mumble, before he takes a deep breath and continues on, this time a bit slower and louder.

He doesn't even give Taeyong or Sicheng a moment to talk in between and interrupt him, because he knows the longer he will wait now, the more he will hesitate. And decide to rather not tell them anything.

„Okay. To Starts where this all began I need to go back... a few years. Quite a few.

As you two might know my parents disappeared when I was rather young, they got kidnapped and killed I later found out. No, I never was informed about it, I found out by myself when I was 20, two years after I joined this family.

But that wasn't the main trigger for how I became like this. It just... added to it. To my insanity. Yes I don't think I'm sane anymore in most parts of my brain.

I have been living in an orphanage for the most part of my life. Now most people don't get to see what's going on inside there and it doesn't come out for the most part, because the children are either powerless or too scared to say anything. Or in the worst case, grow up, thinking it's normal. My case is something in that direction.

When I was 7, I got a new caretaker. A man. He was nice to me at first but trusting him was the biggest mistake I ever made. I don't want to go into details, the pictures in my mind still haunt me till today. But in short,...

...he raped me."

Doyoung takes a short break in telling after having spoken it out, for the first time in years, since it happened. He never thought he would ever say it out loud or tell anyone about it.