Seventeen year old Safaya Bennett must navigate young adulthood under the stresses of her sins, her crumbling relationship with her twin sister, Rue, and a crippling mental disorder that makes her very dependent on her relationship with Nate Jacobs...
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My sister and I did not share the same admiration for hospitals.
Safaya stayed in East Highland Medical Center for five days following her overdose and miscarriage. I tried my best to stay by her side, even when my mother and Gia went home to shower and change clothes before coming back. For some reason I felt responsible. Like I didn't do a good enough job in protecting her when I knew Nate was a horrible person.
I couldn't control her drug use but I could have done better in keeping her safe. Which is why when she insisted on telling Nate what happened, I made sure Fez was outside the hospital room ready to defend her.
I was not going to make the same mistake twice.
I found it hard to focus sometimes with everything that was going on. My heart was still in shambles from watching Jules leave me at that train station. Now, seeing my family in so much pain made me feel lonelier than ever before. Everything just ... hurt.
It took everything for me not to punch Nate in the chest when he walked onto the hospital floor. He had pink roses in his hands and that smug look on his face that he wore with pride. Hate wasn't a strong enough word for what I felt for Nate Jacobs.
Fez and I sat in the hallway and watched him walk into Saf's room. He closed the door behind him slowly and waited to hear my sisters voice. He stood across from her, not sure of what to say or do with seeing her like this. He cared for her, in his own sick and twisted way, he did. And seeing someone you cared for so helpless and in pain would throw anyone off.
"H-Hi." Safaya stuttered. "You didn't have to bring me roses." She stated, looking at the pink flowers in his hand.
Nate shook his head. "I know. I just wanted to." He answer quietly. "When Rue told me you were in the hospital I was worried. What's going on? Are you gonna be okay?"
The concern was genuine, but also, Nate wanted to see how much our mother knew. He was able to narrowly escape being charged for choking Maddy and his gut was telling him he couldn't save himself from that again.
"I um..." My sister said. Swallowing thickly before she continued. "I don't think I'll ever be okay. I haven't been sober in three years. I know it's something we never really talked about but you were my best friend. I know that you knew I was high."
Nate stood at the edge of her bed just listening, trying to understand where she was leading their conversation. He knew better not to deny it, Nate was always able to tell when my sister wasn't sober. When she was high she was less combative and less stubborn. He almost preferred her that way.
"The thing with addiction is that addicts don't care what happens to them. We are always going to do whatever we need to do to get that next high." Tears were stinging her eyes, begging her to stop talking but she couldn't. "I didn't care what I was doing to my body because I thought it was only affecting me." She blinked the tears away. "Until it wasn't just my body anymore."
