Seventeen year old Safaya Bennett must navigate young adulthood under the stresses of her sins, her crumbling relationship with her twin sister, Rue, and a crippling mental disorder that makes her very dependent on her relationship with Nate Jacobs...
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Sometimes when I get really high, I kinda think I'm psychic.
When Nate Jacobs was eleven years old, he found his dad's porn collection. His dad, Cal, was obsessive. His mom always said that's who he got it from. He quickly realized that the colored cases and placement in the desk drawer were no accident. It was an elaborate code, one to make sure that nobody fucked with his shit.
Being on the football team Nate loved the attention, and the crowds, and the feeling of winning, but, he hated the locker rooms. How his teammates would talk to him with their dicks hanging out. He made a concerted effort to always maintain eye contact during these exchanges. Every now and then he'd forget and catch a glimpse of somebody's penis.
He didn't talk to his dad that much but they didn't need to. They had a good relationship as long as his father never touched Safaya. He noticed the way that his dad looked at her when he would bring her around. It was faint but it was there and that scared him. Nate made sure to never leave them alone. He didn't like his mother either. She was weak, and a pushover. Plus she didn't take care of herself. He made a long mental checklist of the things he liked and disliked about women. Safaya and Maddy, he felt, were the best parts of what a woman should be.
Nate had met Saf on the first day of eight grade when she was switched into his math class and school administration separated us. He sat next to her and noticed how her leg shook in her denim skirt before he even saw how pretty she was. My sister was biting on her pencil and her eyes became glossy, filling with tears while the teacher spoke. He could tell Safaya was scared so he talked to her, began to make her feel comfortable, even laugh as the class went on. He liked that she was so much smaller than him and how her big brown eyes would glimmer whenever he was around. Nate noticed he could pick her up with ease and how for some reason her head would always end up nestled in the crook of his neck. Nate wasn't a fan of women but Saf was different. She was strong, but gentle, and he knew he would do anything to protect her.
As they entered high school, he noticed that Maddy was a replica of Safaya. Plus, she was basically hairless. He'd walk her home from school every day, Saf trudging behind them because he wanted his girls close. Maddy would sneak cold stares at the girl only to be met with one herself, and she would hold his hand a little tighter or pull him closer. Letting Safaya know that Nate was hers.
It made him feel good to know that he was there to protect them. He knew the world was full of men who wanted to hurt Maddy and Safaya. Men who would rape them, torture them, and sell them into sexual slavery. He didn't want to think about it. He did, however, like to think about the things he'd do to protect them.
Nate was smart but he was oblivious to Safaya stuffing her feelings and pride down her throat to third wheel. He was too focused on the fact that Maddy was a virgin, that no guy had ever put his penis in her. Safaya could tell the dynamic had changed when he and Maddy started fucking and she knew she lost whatever game they were playing. Coming home with tears in her eyes and a gram of coke in her pocket to keep the panic attacks at bay. She feared she had lost her person but when he picked her up one night after fucking Maddy into oblivion, and treated her to dinner at a local diner, Saf knew that he still cared.
