Seventeen year old Safaya Bennett must navigate young adulthood under the stresses of her sins, her crumbling relationship with her twin sister, Rue, and a crippling mental disorder that makes her very dependent on her relationship with Nate Jacobs...
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I really hate confrontation, especially when it comes to my sister.
Safaya has always been soft and sensitive, I guess it's those qualities that made Nate think it was okay to take advantage of her. But she had this other side about her, a darker element that the drugs brought out. I saw it on occasion because we never really talked a lot these last few years. The person who saw it the most was Nate or Cassie. I just hoped I wasn't going to be added to that list.
My Mom and Gia had visited with Saf first. I don't know what they talked about, but, whatever it was I know Mom wouldn't have blown up on her in front of our little sister. I waited to see her last because I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that she was pregnant. Was being the key word in that sentence.
We had all learned what happened to Cassie a few weeks ago. The abortion was still taking a toll on her but she was healing, going on to feel happier than she had before because now she wasn't focused on a love from a guy to make her feel whole. The difference between Cassie and Safaya was mental strength and my sister hasn't had much since our Dad died. Now the loss of something, someone else I should say, would easily break her. Especially surrounding the circumstances.
"Saf?" I knocked on her hospital door quietly. I had been able to change my clothes into my red hoodie and some black sweatpants, offering me some form of comfort around all of these hospital machines and continuous beeping. Even though I was comfy, I know Saf was anything but.
She had her back turned to me, facing the window as the sun shined brightly in her face. It was the next day and there was no telling if she had gotten any sleep or her mind had completely taken over. All I know is I was scared to even be in here. "Hey." She croaked out.
I sat in front of the window carefully, taking in her appearance. She was considerably pale even though they had been giving her fluids since she arrived at the hospital. Saf's once straight hair was now curly and framing all around her face, that's because I dragged her to the shower while I waited for the ambulance to arrive. She was sitting here in front of me, breathing and talking, but she might as well have been dead.
Safaya wasn't Safaya anymore.
"I'm not gonna ask how are you feeling, because I know that's all anyone asks when you're in the hospital." I said softly. When we were kids, Safaya was always the nurturing one since she always wanted to be up under me or Mom or Dad. She tried her best to take care of us and now it was my turn to take care of her if she let me. "What hurts, Saf?"
She blinked. "What doesn't?" My sister finally made eye contact, her big brown eyes that used to be full of light were dark and hollow. "You know, when the doctor told me I was pregnant, I didn't even fight her. I believed it right away. I could feel this wasn't just an overdose." Saf began to sit up in her bed, still facing me as she rested. "I could feel a part of me leave. I lost someone who would actually need me."
"I-I'm so sorry--"
"Do you think he knows?" She inquired, wiping a tear from her face. "Nate, do you think he knows about this?"
I shook my head, moving hair out of my face. "I don't think so. Mom or I haven't talked to him. I, um, I have something to tell you though."
Safaya wiped another tear from her face. I couldn't tell if it was the prequel or aftermath of a meltdown that she already had. "I know Mom asked you what happened. To my back and my arm." She nodded. "I told her about Nate and I, but I didn't bring up him breaking my camera or throwing me into his mirror. Or the fact that he yanked me at the Winter Formal." She looked away. Frowning as she relived what had happened the night before.
"I would have never left if I knew-"
"There's no way you could have known." She said, quiet as a mouse, staring at the tv that was on silent. Some old Law and Order SVU episode was playing and dear God ... the irony was killing me. "You're not going to like this ... but I need to talk to him, Ruey."
I shook my head violently. "No, you can't. That piece of shit doesn't need to be any where near you. Especially with you being so--"
"Vulnerable." She finished, looking at me once again. "I'm not stupid, Ruey, I know." Her lip began to tremble. "But we were going to be parents. There was a part of him inside of me and as quick as we made it we ... we killed--"
I got up from my seat swiftly, crawling into her hospital bed with her as she began to cry silently. I cradled her head in my arms and smoothed her hair down in efforts to soothe her. This is something I wished she would have done when I was in the hospital. The compassion and support, even if it were silent. Safaya didn't know better, but I do now, and with that being the case I wasn't going to make the same mistakes that she made.
"It's not your fault." I said. I don't know how much of that I believed considering she might still be pregnant if she hadn't overdosed yesterday. I could have been my fault too, when I was trying to take her to the bathroom and we tripped over each other. She landed on me, but, I don't know how miscarriages work. It could have been any number of things. Whatever the cause was, I know that it all started with Nate Jacobs. "I don't want to upset you...but I ...do you think he cares, Safaya?"
She had stopped crying. Just sniffling into my arms as we laid there, similar to when she first came to see me after being harmed at Nate's house. "Yeah. I know he does." Saf replied lowly. I wanted to ask her how could she be so sure, but she already read my mind. "Because Nate and I are more alike than I would like to admit."
I knew for a long time that the relationship my sister and Nate had wasn't good in the slightest. I hated to even think this but I understood why she was so drawn to him, because I found Jules, and in many ways she was my calmer version of Nate. Someone I believed I couldn't live without. Those feelings came and they came quick, without even bringing the possibility of a child into it. I couldn't fathom how Safaya felt but I knew she was right. She had to talk to him.
"If we're going to do this, we're going to do it my way." I said into her hair. "Fez has to be here too, standing outside the door with me in case something goes left. I'll let you guys have some privacy but I will stand outside that door until he leaves, I don't care how long it takes."
Saf laid her head down into my shoulder. I could tell she was tired emotionally and physically, so she laid into my body. "Thank you, Ruey." She said softly before closing her eyes. Softly snoring into me as the Law and Order episode ended. Screen fading to black momentarily before a new episode began.
