Seventeen year old Safaya Bennett must navigate young adulthood under the stresses of her sins, her crumbling relationship with her twin sister, Rue, and a crippling mental disorder that makes her very dependent on her relationship with Nate Jacobs...
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I don't think you understand that how much I love Jules, is how much my sister still loves Nate...
It's a time bomb waiting to explode.
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that Safaya was making strides in therapy and her sobriety, and yet, insisted on going out with Nate after all he had done to her. My guess is it's the same reason why I keep doing drugs after nearly dying and being clean for weeks at a time. And the reason why Maddy invited him to her birthday party tomorrow night. It's an illness.
People often believe you can only be addicted to things like drugs or caffeine, sometimes it can be people we are addicted too. Nate Jacobs was a high that Safaya could never escape and I deep down don't think she wanted to. Something else traumatic would have to happen to make her wake up. And since trauma follows us, I knew something would happen soon, I just didn't imagine I would take part in it.
Maddy fully supported the idea of Nate and Safaya hanging out, all while grappling the idea of getting back together with him. Maddy knew who she was, and what she deserved, and the fact that she could get any guy or girl that she wanted didn't help change her mindset. She thought at least if Nate and Saf hung out that they would be on good terms for her birthday and everything would run smoothly. She just wanted everyone to get along. Put all the drama behind them.
Our mom and Gia were out at a meeting for Gia's school so I thought it would be fine if Elliot met me at my house, so we could go pick up Jules later. Safaya was finishing getting ready so I knew she wouldn't be around us long to detect anything was off. I kinda gave up on keeping Saf and Elliot separate because they had like two classes together and it was unavoidable. My sister was becoming too wrapped up in her own world again, spending most of her time with Maddy or TJ at the gym. I actually missed being around her, but, I knew I had to keep my distance if I wanted to keep getting high.
Safaya stepped out of her bedroom wearing a pair of semi-baggy jeans she took from my closet. She paired it with a sequined butterfly corset top and platform slide sandals so she could be comfortable. Elliot and I snapped our heads in her direction and she walked up the hallway.
"Hot damn." Elliot said with a smirk on his face.
I smacked his shoulder in disgust. "That's my sister dude, chill."
"She's hot." He whispered. "What do you want me to do? Lie?"
Safaya's laugh rang throughout the house. "Thank you, Elliot." She smiled, playing with her hair that was in a tight low ponytail. "Your friend is so nice, Ruey."
"Yeah yeah he's alright." I teased. "You look good kid."
My sister rolled her eyes before grabbing her keys off of the dining room table. "You're only a few minutes older." She nagged.
"Ten minutes and fourteen seconds but I'm not being technical." I shrugged, knowing my comment would get on her nerves. "But seriously," I got up from the couch, going to give her a hug. "Please be careful, take your taser, and text me every now and then so I know you're okay." I whispered.
I could feel her nod. "I'll be safe. I know what to expect."
Everything in me was screaming to not let her go. To tell her about the time I saw Cassie hop into Nate's truck after New Years and that they were fucking. But even if I did tell her, none of that would have mattered, Safaya is going to do what Safaya wants and I'd rather not be on her bad side. Either way I was in a really sticky fucking situation. Nate's truck was parked in our driveway and I watched Safaya hop in, giving me a wave before Nate pulled out of the driveway and sped down the road. I'm really not a religious person but whatever God was out there, I prayed he watched over my sister and kept her safe.
"You look really nice by the way." Nate said after all the formalities.
My sister smiled awkwardly. "Uh, thank you." She said before hyper focusing on the Stella Artois sitting in Nate's cup holder.
He noticed her staring longingly at the beer and reached into his backseat. "You want one?" He offered, handing the drink over to her.
"Oh, uh..." Safaya hesitated. Part of her really wanted to gulp it down but she knew drinking was a quick gateway into drugs. Her sobriety needed to remain intact. "No thanks. I'm sober actually." She politely pushed the beer away from her.
Nate put the bottle in the backseat nervously. "Shit, sorry. I didn't know." He apologized. "How long have you been clean?"
"For like five weeks." Saf shared proudly, giving herself a silent pat on the back for her accomplishment. Which she should be, the only time I was sober for five weeks or more was when I was in rehab. "But I'm fine to go to a club, I've been to parties and stuff so I'm used to the temptation."
The conversation fizzled out, neither Nate nor Safaya knowing what to talk about. The things Safaya wanted to talk about, she knew Nate would either shut down or deflect. He never talked about his feelings and he wouldn't dare talk about the trauma they share. That was his way of attempting to heal, pretending like it never even happened.
*play Pyramids by Frank Ocean*
The flashing lights of the club instantly pulled my sister in. She showed the bouncer her fake ID and without a second glance he granted her and Nate entry. Safaya began walking to the dance floor as a familiar song was played by the DJ. Nate grabbed her hand in efforts to keep them close, inadvertently sending shock waves up my sisters spine. She took her hand from his and faced him, giving him a small but comforting smile.
She began moving her body to the beat, singing along to Frank Ocean as she thought back to when she heard the song for the first time. She and Nate were eleven years old, listening to music on Youtube in his room with the door open. They were definitely too young to understand the deeper meanings of the song but the beat was catchy and they liked it.
Nate stood there on the floor with her, barely moving his body but just watching her and her surroundings. Safaya rolled her eyes at him and pulled him closer. "Stop trying to be fucking cool." She yelled over the music. "You look weird being in a club and not dancing."
"Always the party girl, huh?" He commented. Laughing at his own joke before grabbing Safaya's hands again.
The energy around them didn't feel romantic. Safaya kept feeling this sense of nostalgia, the sense of how things used to be between them when they were friends. No fighting, no violence, just smiling and feeling good to be around each other. This is what Safaya missed. This is the high she was trying to chase.
Nate's original intentions of bringing her out weren't to reconcile or get together with her. He was doing what his father taught him best, using your privilege to your advantage. Nate knew Saf had a soft spot for him still when she visited him in the hospital, to be fair he had a soft spot for her too. He knew he needed to play his cards right with Maddy and Safaya since he wasn't sure which girl took the tape of Jules and his father into their possession. Nate never changed for the better, everything he does has an ulterior motive.
And as my sister danced with him, having the time of her life, it would all be short-lived.
Because the night would fuck her up in more ways than one.
