Seventeen year old Safaya Bennett must navigate young adulthood under the stresses of her sins, her crumbling relationship with her twin sister, Rue, and a crippling mental disorder that makes her very dependent on her relationship with Nate Jacobs...
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So far I had been doing a good job at keeping my sister and my friends separate but things started to take a turn for the worst.
After Safaya and TJ finished training at the gym she got a call from Maddy inviting her to go bowling. Now, it was really supposed to be a date between Kat and Ethan but since Kat was doing everything to avoid being alone with him she thought it would be fun to invite Jules, Maddy and Saf. That way Kat wouldn't have to admit that she was actually miserable with her boyfriend.
It was the first time my sister had really gone out since the New Years party and also the first time she would have to really hang out with Jules outside of school. I know that if I felt bad about lying to Jules about my drugs, Safaya felt ten times as bad for lying about seeing her naked. My sister tried not to think too hard about that as she got ready. While she did her hair, she called Cassie to see if she wanted to come out. The phone rang for nearly a minute and went to voicemail. Safaya ignored it and finished getting herself ready to leave.
On the other side of town, Cassie looked at her phone in horror, seeing a picture of her and my sister light up as her phone rang. Nate reluctantly picked her up from her house after agreeing to see her. Messing around with Cass was bringing about a bounty of problems that he didn't want to deal with. But, Nate kinda liked Cassie. He liked how strong she made him feel and how submissive she was. Being with Cassie was never a power struggle.
"I know you're not thinking of answering that?" Nate asked quietly.
Cassie shook her head violently. Ever since that day at the pool with Maddy and Safaya she had so many questions about how deep the relationship between my sister and Nate really ran. It wasn't hard for Cassie to put the pieces together that Nate was the father of Safaya's baby, but, even knowing all of that she still felt no guilt for what she did.
The pick up truck stalled at an open construction site. There was little to no lighting and the area was eerily quiet. To most girls this would have been a red flag but Cassie didn't care. She just enjoyed spending time with someone she believed could love her.
"Look, Cass, um... I really like you." Nate started. "How I wish that things could be different. I just think what happened between us was a mistake and that we never should have did what we did."
The blonde chuckled. "Yeah, but..." She trailed off, looking for anything in Nate's face to tell her that this wasn't over. That her heart wasn't being shattered by yet another man.
"It was my fault." He interrupted. "I shouldn't have, uh..." He hesitated. Trying to find the right words in the jumble of thoughts and feelings his mind housed. Really, the person on his mind was my sister and how he wished he could just be with her like old times. Even hearing Cassie say it was her fault too didn't change his mind. "I just thought--I ju---I just didn't think that I'd get so, um--It doesn't matter. It is what it is. We can't see each other and we can never ever speak about this."
And as her tears fell, Nate still didn't feel anything. The apologies he uttered were empty and baseless and while Cassie climbed out of his car he knew his night was far from over. She knew he would run after her, that she had something he wanted and couldn't get on his own. He kissed her in an unfinished building, hiking up her skirt and feeling the goosebumps that rushed over her body at the slightest touch of his. As he kissed her clit and moaned against it, Cassie's breath hitched. Not because of the pleasure but because of what he said.
"How are you ever going to look Maddy and Saf in the eye again?"
And she was speechless, because deep down she knew she couldn't keep this secret running for long. The deeper that she fell in love with Nate was like a ticking time bomb and sooner or later it would blow.
My sister, Maddy, and Jules sat down at the curb of the bowling alley as they waited for Ethan and Kat to finish hooking up. At some point in the night Maddy's mind shifted into that sad and lonely place that she tried to steer clear from. Watching the couples around her in the bowling alley took a toll on her emotional health and she craved a sense of love and desire. Something that only Nate had shown her for most of her adult life. She knew what she was thinking was wrong, and, might even hurt Safaya's feelings but she needed to voice it. To get it out of her system.
"I think I'm gonna get back together with Nate." Maddy blurted. A look of sadness on her face as she looked to my sister and Jules for advice. "It's a mistake, right?"
Jules took a deep breath. She could feel the tension between Maddy and my sister and decided to remove herself. "I, um, I'm going to let you two talk." She stood up from the curb, turning her head to look at Maddy. "I just wish you could see yourself the way the rest of the world does." She gave her a small smile before walking away.
Safaya was caught off guard. My sister wasn't upset, mostly sad, because she knew what Maddy was going through. Most of her therapy sessions were about Nate and the baby. She still found herself having dreams about him, wanting Nate to be close by. She missed the way he smelled and the way he would hold her when she was sad. Those feelings don't just go away and Maddy was falling prey to those emotions.
"Come here." Saf opened up her arms, embracing Maddy who was trying to keep her tears at bay. "What you're feeling is normal. I hate that I miss him too sometimes." She sighed. The dark haired girl laid in her arms, feeling safe and comforted in her vulnerability. "I can't tell you what to do with your life, Mads. What I can tell you is that I don't want you to get hurt ... in any capacity. I just want you to be happy."
And as my sister played in Maddy's hair, she silently wished that she could accept her own advice for herself.
