𝗣𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗚𝗔𝗠𝗘 ☾ 𝗘𝗨𝗣𝗛𝗢𝗥𝗜𝗔

Ain't Shit

Now, as a beloved character that a lot of people are rooting for, I feel a certain responsibility to make good decisions ... but I relapsed. Like, relapsed badly. 

Dancing in the kitchen, singing to a pillow, and being caught by Gia ... that kind of relapse. 

In all fairness, in the beginning I did say I would disappoint you and had no intentions of staying clean. But I get it, our country's dark and fucked up and people just wanna find hope. I can promise you, you're not going to find that with me. You will have better luck having hope in Safaya.

Now, I'm here to tell you how to get away with being a drug addict. Considering I had gotten away with it for years before overdosing, I'd say I'm pretty experienced in the fields of gaslighting and manipulation. Let me teach you how. Step one is finding a cover drug, cause no matter how hard you try and hide it ... if you do drugs, you're going to get caught eventually. It's inevitable, and when that does happen you don't wanna be on the defensive. Trust me, no one believes a drug addict when they're caught. 

Admittedly, gaslighting and manipulation is harder if you have a sister who was once an addict. Safaya knows every lie, every trick, every tactic that a drug addict could possibly use and it makes life harder trying to sneak things past her. Especially now that she hangs out more at home then she used to. I think it's because of the cat that my mom, Gia, and I got for her. She loves that little thing. 

I knew I was taking a risk telling Gia I was going to start smoking weed as a decoy. Safaya was in her room so I figured I would be somewhat safe but I never could have predicted that Gia would snap at me, calling me selfish and pushing me. Admittedly, I pushed her back and screamed at her when I shouldn't have. Safaya ran out of her room yelling at the both of us to chill the fuck out. 

"Rue said she wants to start smoking weed." Gia fumed. I think for a second my heart dropped to my ass as I began to worry that Saf would see through the lie. 

My twin stood in the doorway of her room a mere three feet away. Her stare was piercing as she looked into my eyes, hoping and praying that what Gia said wasn't true. "Weed?" She asked dryly. "No, Ruey, you know you can't do that." And she was right, even if I was smoking weed it would only help me for so long until I needed something stronger and more intense. 

This is where the gaslighting comes into play. I told my sisters that smoking weed was better than committing suicide. That when I was sober all I thought about was dying and being free from pain and anxiety. I could tell by the look in their eyes they were thinking about a world without me and as my sisters cried I didn't even feel like shit for lying to them. I was at the peak of my addiction and with that came more lies to Lexi and Jules, the only person who knew the truth was Elliot. 

Safaya couldn't dwell on the weed situation for too long because she had bigger things to face once we got to school. 

The issue of Cassie and Nate became worse as Cass found herself becoming more obsessive. She began a routine of waking up at four in the morning to pamper herself in efforts to attract his attention. The first three days she had no luck, Nate would walk past her like he didn't even know who she was. He wouldn't even dare to look at her when she was with Maddy and Safaya. On the fourth day, something changed, Cassie was dressed in a turquoise two piece set with her blonde hair in a half up-half down style. Her fashion for the day strongly resembled something Maddy or Safaya would wear and it was the only time Nate even looked in her direction. And while she thought she might be making a breakthrough, her efforts were once again wasted.