Seventeen year old Safaya Bennett must navigate young adulthood under the stresses of her sins, her crumbling relationship with her twin sister, Rue, and a crippling mental disorder that makes her very dependent on her relationship with Nate Jacobs...
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Safaya was completely broken
With no guidance or anyone to talk her off the ledge, she was a mess.
*play Novacane by Frank Ocean*
My sister walked into her room, throwing her phone down and away from her. Ever since she left Nate's home he had been blowing up her phone with calls and texts that she ignored. Saf's room was a mess courtesy of my temper tantrum that morning but she didn't care. She wasn't in the headspace to clean it, she wasn't in the headspace to do anything productive.
She dropped to her knees, pulling out a small box from underneath her bed. Her sobriety had been broken for 48 hours and even still she felt as if alcohol wasn't enough to mute her emotions. Saf brought the baby blue colored box into her lap, grabbing a small bag of coke and a rolled up dollar bill from inside. Fez refused to deal to her anymore so when she found out I had a suitcase full of drugs in my room, she made sure to get to my stash before our mother disposed of it.
It's not like our mom was really paying attention to her anyway. As far as she was concerned, Safaya wasn't the problem child anymore.
My sister pulled out the glass tray resting inside of the box, making three lines on top of it. She snorted the first line, ignoring the ringing of her phone and hoping it would stop ringing quickly. She took a deep breath before snorting the second line, the insistent ringing getting on her last nerve. Safaya hopped up from the floor, grabbing her phone off of a pile of clothes and frowning at the name.
It was Nate, to no one's surprise. She accepted the call, putting the phone on speaker quickly.
"Please--"
"Stop fucking calling me!" My sister screamed to the top of her lungs before ending the call. She went back to her makeshift station and snorted her last line. Rubbing her nose and taking in the sense of euphoria washing over her.
My sister was lost. Floating out in the world with absolutely no anchor and she didn't know what her next step was. Safaya was full of so much anger and rage that she could barely see straight. Our lives came with their own tragedies but nothing could have prepared her for a betrayal like this. And I think the fact of it all was that she was heartbroken. Safaya wanted to believe that Nate would never do something like this to hurt her. That after everything he had done, he was trying his best to be a good person and do the right thing. And once again he showed her who he was, that Nate Jacobs only cared about himself.
The familiar ring tone began again and Safaya rolled her eyes. She grabbed the phone hastily and answered it again. "What the fuck did I just say?" She snarled. Wiping any coke residue off of her nose.
"What?" The voice said.
My sister looked at the phone in confusion before putting it back to her ear. "TJ?! What the hell I've been trying to call you for like two days."
"Yeah .. I have to talk to you about that."
"No." My sister interrupted. "You're being fucking weird to me for no reason. You left Maddy's without saying bye to me. I've been trying to tell you that you were right about Nate and Cassie fucking but yet again, you keep ignoring me. So why reach out to me now?"
TJ sighed on the other side of the phone. He knew that my sister had attachment issues and it didn't bother him. He figured they would be friends forever or eventually more, but, he underestimated their biggest roadblock. "Nate told me I had to stay away from you."
"I...what?" Safaya asked, her heart dropping. Hoping that she had heard him wrong or that the drugs were making her hallucinate things. "What are you talking about?"
The boy licked his lips, trying to figure out a way to explain this to my sister delicately. "The night of Maddy's birthday, when you left, Nate pulled me to the side. He had been stalking us when we were at the gym. He knew our every move and he knew ... he knew I liked you Saf." He admitted.
"I thought you said he didn't scare you? Why are you letting him control us? Nate Jacobs is not a problem." Safaya shrugged. Tears beginning to brim in her eyes as she tried to talk TJ down.
"Nate Jacobs is the problem. He's the only problem in my life, Saf, he threatened to kick my brother out of private school." TJ found himself raising his voice in misplaced frustration. It seemed like my sister wasn't understanding this was non negotiable. "You know that Cal Jacobs runs this fucking town. If I piss Nate off, I don't pay the consequence, my little brother does and I just can't do that to him. I'm risking a lot just calling you right now, Saf."
Safaya's phone dropped from her hand. Tears were streaking her cheeks now, unable to be contained in her eyes as she was overwhelmed. There was a lump in her throat, restricting her breathing. "So this is it? This is goodbye?" She picked the phone back up, crying into the speaker.
"I'm sorry I hurt your feelings, you know I never wanted to hurt you." He apologized. "But, I have to protect my family first. I wish you nothing but the best, okay?"
Safaya's lip quivered. "Okay." She said before hanging up the phone.
Heavy and violent sobs raked her body. She thought by standing up for herself that she would be free from Nate and his controlling behavior. Immediately she thought back to Freshman year when a boy named Phoenix Hall was supposed to take her to the Homecoming dance. He went ghost a week before and Nate ended up taking her, she figured that was her first taste of how men suck in high school.
Saf would have never guessed that Nate would have threatened or harmed Phoenix just so he could be with her. But, she couldn't deny his violent tendencies and definitely couldn't deny how similar Phoenix and TJ were in this situation. Every person that got close to my sister would never have a chance, because Nate would always be around.
