Seventeen year old Safaya Bennett must navigate young adulthood under the stresses of her sins, her crumbling relationship with her twin sister, Rue, and a crippling mental disorder that makes her very dependent on her relationship with Nate Jacobs...
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TW: Gun use, mentions of r*pe
Safaya wouldn't have to fear about being alone after today
For the last three days my sister has been paranoid of Nate striking. She looked over her shoulder in the halls at school and while driving home. She barely slept at night and used drugs to try and keep her somewhat alert and awake. Now, the logical answer would be to tell someone what's going on and get an order of protection or a better security system at home. Safaya and I hadn't spoken a word to each other since I let it slip that Nate and Cassie had been fucking behind Maddy and Saf's backs.
I'd like to think that if we weren't back in that weird place, she would have came to me for help.
And it's not like our mother was emotional available to support her, not when all of her attention was on me. Safaya was able to slip through the cracks and it was killing her. Even if Safaya had someone she could go to for help and protection, she wouldn't have, because of how much control Nate has in her life. My sister doesn't want anyone else to get hurt and that's exactly why she gave Jules her tape. Safaya put it in an envelope with Jules' name and address before dropping it into her mailbox.
But that was yesterday, and today, today she planned to see Maddy and distance herself to protect her from what was happening.
*play Sign of The Times (Instrumental) by Harry Styles*
Safaya held a blunt between her glossy lips, puffing at it while grabbing her purse to leave. Our mom and sister were gone with me, trying to help me get clean when my sister arguably needed more help than I did. My sister looked for her keys everywhere, knowing that she had put them somewhere in the bedroom. They were missing from her purse, dresser, the only other place she could think to check was under her bed.
She was on all fours, taking another puff from the blunt before grabbing the metal keys on the carpet. When she stood back up she felt something cold and hard press on the back of her head. Her heart dropped to her stomach and she sighed.
"Don't worry." Nate said. "I'm not expecting an apology." He turned her around, sitting her down on the bed to face him. "Could you imagine if I was pointing a gun at you, begging you to apologize."
Safaya took a slow puff from her blunt. "What more do you want from me?"
"Where's the tape, Saf?" He said lowly. Stepping closer to her with his gun pointed at her forehead. "I know you have it. Just give it back to me and we can work something out."
My sister looked up at him, staring him down. "I gave it to who it belongs to." She answered unfazed. "No one should have ever seen that. Matter of fact, your dad shouldn't have recorded a minor without her permission."
Nate thought he could intimidate my sister into submission. That if he held a gun to her head that she would say that she loved him, stroke his ego, maybe get back together with him. Safaya was staring down the barrel of the gun and not an ounce of fear ran through her. My sister was tired, she was exhausted, and nothing in her wanted to fight anymore.
"Why are you really here, Nate?" Safaya spoke up. "I know it's not just about that tape. So what is it? Are you gonna rape me and then kill me?"
Nate scrunched his face in confusion. "What? Why the fuck would I do that to you, Saf?"
"Because you're a goddamn psychopath!" She shouted. My sister shot up from the bed, unfazed by the boy in front of her. "Look at what the fuck you're doing!" Nate cocked the gun, his finger on the trigger. Instead of Safaya fearing death, she welcomed it with open arms. "There's something comforting about the metal on my skin." Saf whispered. "I'm gonna thank you for pulling the trigger ... because now I can see my dad and that's all I ever wanted."
Nate's eyes went wide. He has never heard anyone, let alone my sister, speak like this. Welcoming death was such a foreign concept that he didn't know what to do with his current plan. He took the gun off of her, pushing her to sit down on her bed before he sat next to her. He dumped out the bullets onto her comforter, keeping only one round in the revolver. Before Safaya could react he pushed her back against the mattress. Cocking the gun and pointing it at himself.
"Stop this." My sister said softly. Scared that if she spoke any louder that his brains would decorate her walls. "Stop it, Nate, please. I'm sorry." She backtracked. That scared girl coming back as she knew what was coming next. She was fine with her own death, but, watching as someone she used to love shoot himself above her body was terrifying.
"I fucked up, Saf." Nate said somberly. Pulling the trigger against his temple and hearing the click, he blinked in surprise he was still alive. "Everything that I did with Cassie, I wished it was with you. I imagined I was with you, Saf. I don't know how many times I have to tell you that you're all I ever wanted."
Tears streamed down my sisters face. Her breath was catching in her throat and she was panicking. Nate pulled the trigger again, hearing the click of safety and smiling. "Nate, I love you." My sister lied. "I know I was mad yesterday but that's because I care about you so much and you broke my heart. But I-I love you and I want to be with you. When we went to that club a couple weeks ago it was the happiest I've ever been, because I was with you. I'm sorry I've been difficult but everything has been hard these last few months. Please." She begged. Crying into Nate's face as he shook his head. "Please, I'm sorry."
"I know you, Safaya." He placed the gun beside him, leaning over her shaken body on the bed. "I humiliated you. Embarrassed you in front of so many people." He sat next to her, pulling Saf's body next to his and sitting her up. His hand touched her face so gently, a huge contrast from how he treated her. Nate and Safaya's relationship was anything but gentle. Nate brought her forehead to his lips, kissing it softly.
Safaya hiccuped. "B-But you can fix it, Nate." She said, looking into his eyes for any signs of life. "You could make it up to me and we could be together. Dump Cassie and I'll be yours." She leaned in, her lips pressing against his as she narrowly convinced him to spare their lives. "I promise." She pleaded.
"It's that easy?" Nate asked, eyes full of hope that he would finally get her back.
My sister breathed, her stomach churning and she wanted to vomit. "That easy."
Nate gave her another kiss on the forehead before going for her lips. "I love you." He said lowly, grabbing his gun and the loose bullets from my sisters bed.
"I...I love you too, Nate." Safaya lied, her knees hugging to her chest as she cried into her lap. Nate had left quietly, on his way to speak with Cassie and call things off.
Safaya wouldn't have to fear about being alone after today.
Because Nate would never give her the choice again, he would completely alienate anyone who stood in his way.
