Seventeen year old Safaya Bennett must navigate young adulthood under the stresses of her sins, her crumbling relationship with her twin sister, Rue, and a crippling mental disorder that makes her very dependent on her relationship with Nate Jacobs...
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Love triangles are always super fucking confusing ... and so is this one so pay close attention.
While Safaya was doing anything she could to not think about Nate, he was all that was on Cassie's mind. The night of the New Years party she was drunk, not super drunk, but she never would have said yes if Maddy and Nate were still together. 'Cause that would be unforgivable. However, she said yes knowing that Safaya was dealing with unresolved feelings for Nate after her pregnancy.
"It's weird how sometimes I still feel like my body isn't mine." Safaya said, floating in the jacuzzi in Cassie's backyard, with Maddy on her left and Cassie on her right. "I haven't been pregnant for a full month now and I don't think my body understands that."
Cassie took a breath. "That's how I felt after my abortion. Like you're still freaking out about something that's already over."
"I can't imagine feeling that way." Maddy sighed. "I'm sorry you guys have to go through this." She felt bad for her friends. They were good people and didn't deserve these depreciating thoughts roaming their minds.
Safaya ran her hands through the water. "It's okay." She shrugged. "All bad bitches have some form of trauma, right?"
The night that Nate was attacked, Maddy couldn't sleep. And if she were being totally honest with herself, she wanted to be in that hospital bed with Nate. Once he was conscious he sent her a text, saying thank you for taking care of him and that he would love her always and forever. She wanted to believe it. She wanted to believe that he changed after losing her and Safaya but another part of her wouldn't allow her heart to be attached. Nate cheated on her during their entire relationship, and while Maddy wasn't the most innocent, his betrayal hurt the most.
But Nate was comforting, Nate was all that Maddy and Saf knew. He knew their favorite colors, favorite flowers, their dreams and desires. In turn, he also knew what made them tick, what words or actions that could send them over the edge in an instant. Sometimes he liked the fighting more than the love. He knew with fighting that all of their energy would be focused on him.
Nate found himself tired of the fighting though, of the pain, of the stubbornness. Which is why he decided it was a good idea to fuck Cassie in the bathroom of a loud and overcrowded New Years party. Cassie was the complete opposite of everything that Safaya and Maddy embodied. She was soft-spoken, dainty, she agreed with almost everything he said and let him have his way with her. In Nate's eyes, Cassie didn't require a chase. Cassie was easy prey.
With everything he had going on in his life, he needed something easy. There were still emotions trying to reach the surface about Safaya and their baby. He hadn't spoken to anyone about it, not even his parents who were well aware of the situation thanks to our mother, Leslie. Those feelings, on top of having his Dad do a manhunt of who assaulted his son, Nate had a lot going on.
"I have a hard time believing you don't know who did this to you." Cal Jacobs said in a low voice. He was driving his son home from the hospital and took the opportunity to try and get answers. He knew his son wasn't a good person, but, it was hard for him to see his child so battered and bruised.
Nate sighed. "Dad, just leave it alone." He was still loopy from the pain meds but even if he was in a sober state of mind, he wouldn't want to deal with this.
"Well, I'm not going to." Cal argued.
"Yeah, well you should." Nate retorted.
Cal took a glance at his son and frowned. "Of all the people there, you expect me to believe no one saw who hurt you?" He asked and was met with silence. "Maddy? Safaya? I'm sure they know something."
Nate shook his head. "They have their own shit going on. Let it go." He said sternly.
While it was true that they were dealing with their own traumas and personal lives, Nate knew one of the girls had a tape from his Dad's office. More specifically, the tape of Jules and Cal from the end of summer. Maddy and my sister had been over to Nate's house when the tape went missing. Both girls had motive to take it and would have more motive to distribute it if they found out he had been hooking up with Cassie. It was best that he not put too much attention on himself.
Which was hard because as soon as Nate was released from the hospital, he wished he was back in the hospital. The same night he came home, Cassie called him crying hysterically on the other end about how she felt like a bad person and wanted to kill herself. While Cassie may have been less stubborn, she was definitely more needy. The only way Nate was able to calm Cassie down enough to stop crying was to tell her that they could meet in person next weekend.
And then he said something that totally freaked her out.
"If Maddy or Saf finds out, they're gonna spend the rest of their lives trying to kill me." He said. Knowing that it was nothing but the truth.
Cassie nodded. "I know." She said in a shaky voice.
"But they'll actually kill you." Nate finished.
Cassie felt a tear fall down her face at his words. "Safaya scares me." She whispered.
"Take that as motivation to keep this a secret." He chuckled to himself. Pushing away any fear he might have of my sister to the back of his mind.
As much as I hate to admit this, I think Nate was right when he said we have destructive tendencies. Like how he was playing with fire by fucking Cassie, I was playing with fire by getting high with Elliot. He was a cool kid, had like blonde curly hair and face tatts and shit. I found a friend in him, a session partner, and he was super chill. I would go over his house frequently and we would smoke weed, or I would smoke and snort coke.
I liked to mix things up.
That night as I was riding my bike home I saw a pick up truck down the block from my street. Cassie was running towards it in a floral dress and a light grey sweater. I recognized the truck anywhere because only two people in this whole town have obnoxious trucks like that.
I knew it wasn't Cal Jacobs driving.
Everything inside me was screaming for me to tell Safaya but I knew she was at the gym with TJ, he was teaching her how to fight. Would it be my place to tell her something like this? Or would she take it the wrong way coming from me? They weren't together so he wasn't cheating but he was still a piece of shit for fucking her friend.
But also, Cassie was a piece of shit.
She sat there next to Lexi at our father's funeral, she came to our birthday parties and celebrations. Saf and Cassie were good friends, or so I thought, and my sister would be devastated. So the rest of the ride home I contemplated on telling her but my biggest fear was not being believed. My sister and I had just gotten back to good terms and I didn't want to lose her again.
I decided not to tell her, at least not yet, and hopefully Nate and Cassie would tell on themselves soon.
