The End's Beginning

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Lumiose City,

Kalos

Leon sighed, running his hands through his hair from his spot on the bench he'd found. He hadn't gone far from the hotel, truth be told--he knew better than to do that and get lost. He wasn't abysmal with his sense of direction, but his mind was so muddled right now, he knew he'd get unbelievably lost and he'd left his phone back in the room. He'd left his Pokémon, too, as stupid as that was, but he just--he had to get out of there. He'd been too angry. Too hurt. Too--too much of a mess.

Why the hell had he gone and done that?! Gotten so upset and yelled at her? He hadn't wanted to do that--hadn't meant to do it. He was just so frustrated with her stubbornness and refusal to see the danger she was always putting herself in! He just wanted to talk to her and have her see how he felt because surely, she'd understand then! Surely, she'd see how much it hurt for him to watch her be in pain. Surely, she'd see he only did this because he loved her so much. She had made him want to be a better person. She'd saved his life, both literally and figuratively. He had already grown so much from what he'd become, and she continued to support him as he kept on working to be a better man.

And yet!

"I'm an idiot," he rasped aloud, leaning back to stare up at the darkened sky. The stars were gone, the city lights making them impossible to make out. The sounds of the city's denizens were almost enough to drown out the voice of his own admonishment even though he deserved the lash. Why couldn't he just have talked normally? Like Raihan said?

Again--he was an idiot.

He needed to apologize. He knew he did. And he would--in a bit. He wasn't ready to go back; he wasn't ready to have to keep fighting if she hadn't calmed down, either, and he had no idea how long that could take. She'd been mad at other people before, sure--bad people--but not him, so there was no telling. If he came back too soon and she was still mad, he just knew he would get upset, too. Even now his adrenaline was still going; skin tingling as his heart continued to race some. He didn't know whether to fight or flight, and in the end he did both. He supposed that made him pathetic. He imagined Raihan would think so--Sonia and Nessa would have. His mom probably would have thrown her shoe at him by now.

Arceus, how had this become so bad? Why couldn't he just be a man and talk? Why couldn't they just talk with each other instead of at each other? Why was it so hard with someone you loved? He couldn't fathom it, but at least he knew the first step would be to apologize and then try to talk when they're calm. What was it Raihan had said again? Compromise? Yeah, they'd need to do that somehow, and to do that he had to tell her how he was really feeling. He'd been too cowardly to do so before. That, he knew; he didn't want her to see him as a failure and a fraud and a pathetic, weak man who didn't deserve her--but he also didn't want to see her get hurt, either.

How did one deal with all this?

Leon groaned, running both hands through his hair and inhaling deeply to let it out slowly.

Well, at least he did feel calmer now. Ashamed, too. But calmer still, and that was something however small. Briefly, he wondered how long he'd been gone now. It had been a while, surely, but a glance at his phone told him maybe twenty minutes. He supposed that was long enough to cool off. Maybe he could even talk properly now. He hoped so, anyways. He couldn't just sit out here like a coward about it, though; he needed to man up or--or something.

He was tempted to call Raihan so his friend could give him the talking to he needed but thought better of it. It was getting late, and he didn't need to be bothered more with their problems. So. That left putting his big boy pants on and trying to do things right this time.

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