The next couple of days went by pretty quickly, Ed and I haven’t had an arguement since that morning outside the principle’s office and everything was back to normal, however sometimes Ed got on my nerves by constantly asking if I’m okay. It’s sweet I suppose.
The rest of the group wasn’t at all shocked to find out that we were an item now, I’m not quite sure what we would call ourselves? Boyfriend seems to immature to describe what Ed really is to me.
After school I throw myself onto my bed and moan loudly, I’ve been so drowsy and weak lately that all I want to do is sleep. Ed sits on the bed beside me and begins to question me.
“Maybe I should stop coming over so early in the morning Loren, you need to get some sleep. Are you sure you’re ok? Have you been taking your meds?”
I frown into the cold sheets and turn my head, staring up at him.
“Ed I’m fine… I like seeing you when I wake up and besides it’s the drugs that make me sleepy in the first place”
I slowly sit up, he reaches his arm around my waist and pulls me in close to him and he begins kissing my neck. I laugh when he hits my ticklish spot and I attempt to swat him away.
“Stop!”
I yell out inbetween fits of laughter, he pushes me back onto the bed and lands ontop of me. Blowing raspberries on my skin I begin kicking my legs widely on the mattress and I beg him to stop.
“Please please stop! Ed stop!”
He pulls away and looks down on me with a boyish grin.
“I wrote a new song, wanna hear it?”
I nod and Ed peels himself away from me, he walks over to my guitar then sits on the bed beside me once again. His fingers begin to pluck away at the strings and he starts his song off with a soft hum, already I can feel the hairs on my arms stand up.
”Settle down with me, cover me up and cuddle me in. Lie down with me and hold me in your arms. And your hearts against my chest, lips pressed to my neck.
I’m fallin for your eyes but they don’t know me yet and with this feeling I’ll forget. I’m in love now.”
My heart began to skip widely and I began biting my bottom lip as I continued watching him. I shuffled behind him and tucked my legs under my bottom as I wrapped my arms around his waist. I started softly kissing his neck as he was singing the rest of his song, I placed my hands on his shoulders and moved them slowly down to his hips.
Knowing my parents won’t be home for another hour, I want to take advantage of my empty home.
My lips brush past his ear and I whisper softly.
“Finish the rest for me later?”
He smiled and placed the guitar gently on the floor before sitting back on my bed and turning to me.
“Not five minutes ago you were complaining that you were tired? I was trying to play you to sleep”
He said with a soft laugh, I move closer to him and throw one leg over Ed’s lap so I’m straddling him.
“Why are you questioning my motives, just be a normal guy your age and go along with it?”
Ed laughed and put his hands on my hips and looked up at me with his wide blue eyes.
“You’re right, I just get worried sometimes when your symptoms show like that”
I jumped off him swiftly, stumbling to my feet and stared at him in disbelief.
“My symptoms?”
I could see his panic but I was so upset I couldn’t see straight.
“No, I didn’t mean it like that! I just… I’ve done some research and I know that mood swings are normal for you?”
I took a step away from him.
“So I’m not normal?”
Ed stood up with me and took a step closer.
“Come on, I didn’t say that. I just mean normal for your condition.”
“Why do you have to talk about it? I’m taking these stupid pills so we don’t have to! You’re just the same as my parents, always questioning and worrying.”
I could feel the hot tears slowly spill down my cheeks.
“Loren I’m sorry? I’m just trying to fix th-“
“I don’t need you to fix me!”
Ed sat down on my bed in defeat as I continued standing there trying to catch my breath.
“Loren please don’t do this, don’t push me away because it’s not fair. I just want to help you.”
I watched him place his elbows on his knees and his hands went through his hair, I was feeling guilty. I slowly sat down next to him and I grabbed his hand, squeezing tightly.
“I’m just scared that you’re going to start treating my like a patient… that’s what my mum and dad did. I’m scared I’m going to loose you.”
His face slowly turned to mine and I could feel my heart brake when I noticed that single tear running down his face, his eyes were red and his skin felt hot.
“God I’m sorry Ed, please know I’m sorry”
I pulled his face into mine and kissed his cheeks softly, he slowly pulled away and gave me a sad smile.
“I’m not going anywhere… I know you don’t like to talk about it but sometimes I need that, I need to know how you’re feeling and I need to know you’re ok. Can you do that for me please?”
I swallowed nervously and nodded, I’m not used to talking about it but Ed deserves this. I owe him this.
My parents still weren’t home but by this point I don’t think either of us had the energy to do anything other than kiss. We lied there on my bed, him behind me as I was cradled in his arms. His face resting on my neck and his breath touching my cheek, I moved my hands to his and entwined our fingers.
I was going to have to start opening up to Ed more, this made me nervous but at the same time I knew I was ready for it. I trust him.
While lying there I couldn’t help but think back to our argument, did I have a drastic mood swing?
It’s so hard to diagnose yourself, maybe I really did give reason for Ed to be worried. The feeling of guilt was sitting right at the core of me, I shouldn’t have been so angry at him.
He’s so calm and gentle that it’s like yelling at a baby bird, I lied there for what felt like forever.
Trapped in my own thoughts.
Until the big yellow lights from my parents car beamed through my window and filled my entire room.
I sat up slowly and looked at Ed, I thought he was asleep but he was simply staring at me.
“What is it?”
I asked him curiously, he sat up and gave me a small kiss on my lips.
“I’m so lucky to have you”
I couldn’t help but laugh.
“Maybe you’re crazy too”
We both chuckled and gave each other small kisses until we knew it was time to head down stairs.
My hand reached around his arm and I pulled him close to me.
“Stay for dinner?”
He smiled at me and nodded.
“Wouldn’t miss it”
