"We tried to hide our feelings but we forgot that our eyes speak."
All eyes on me. They looked at me in confusion. Auntie Flora's eyes looked at the diary I was holding. She asked, "What are you holding, Alannah?"
I looked at the diary for a few seconds, clearing my throat before replying, "This is Ivy's diary. She didn't write much in it but I think there were a few pages in here that may be worrying. I suggest we have a read to know what is on her mind."
I paused for a few second, scanning the room to see everyone's reaction. Joshua looked panic and curious to know what was written in the diary. Both Auntie Flora and Uncle Ian stared at the diary, looking confused.
"I think this diary will be the only way for us to understand Ivy's feelings in more details. Sometimes, we don't really know what people feel based on our actions, right?" I said. Ivy parents, Joshua and also Jeremy nodded in agreement.
I sighed heavily, "However, I'm not saying that this action is right. But we don't have a choice. I hope all of us can change to become a better person and be more considerate after reading this diary. It is better for both sides."
I grabbed a chair and sat down comfortably. I flicked through the diary and stopped at the first page. I looked up before began reading the diary, "Okay, I am going to read this. Are you all ready to listen?"
I made eye contact with everyone in the living room. I cleared my throat before reading the first diary entry written by Ivy.
"6th of January 2016. Dear diary, I finished all of my exams today. I am so glad that it is over. My class prepared a celebration party tonight. It will be fun if I get a chance. As usual, my parents wouldn't let me have activity outside of school hours." I read.
I paused for a second, "Alannah asked me to come to the party with her. I wished I could. However, whenever I asked something related to this, my parents would always gave a short and precise answer. The answer would always be no."
"I wonder why it is always a no for me. I wonder why I cannot live my life just like other teenagers. I cannot hang out with a friend, going to parties and maybe have a boyfriend... What is my fault?"
I turned to the next page, continuing reading the next diary entries. I stared at the next page, trying to focus on reading the writing. I cleared my throat, thinking of what to say to them, "Um... I think the next diary entries may be where it all started. The point of time where Ivy couldn't take it anymore..."
I made eye contact with each of them before continuing my sentence, "So, let us focus every word in this diary entry." All of them nodded in unison and I began to read the next diary entries.
The next hour was filled with the reading of Ivy's diary. We did have a few discussion based on the diary entries. Based on what we read, we finally understand what Ivy dealt with all these years.
I was about to stop reading and planned to continue tomorrow. All of a sudden, something fall off from the diary. I picked it up and saw three handwritten letters addressed to her parents, Joshua and also me.
I looked at each of them and said, "Auntie... Uncle... Joshua... Ivy wrote a letter for each of us." I stood up to hand the letters to Auntie Flora. However, Auntie Flora stopped me and said, "Alannah, can you read the letter for me? I'm afraid that I will wail in tears before even reading her letters." I nodded and looked at Joshua. Joshua also nodded and said, "Can you do me a favour as well? I don't think I can remain calm while reading her letter to me."
I cleared my throat before reading Ivy's letter to her parents.
"Dear mom and dad,
This letter is for you. I wrote this letter to tell my feelings and wishes for these past years. It might not be useful by the time you received this letter. I probably not be here anymore, I guess."
I paused for a few second before continuing reading the letters. I continued reading the letter for the next 20 minutes. After I finished reading, I looked up to see Ivy's parents' reaction. Auntie Flora was sobbing loudly meanwhile Uncle Ian tried his best to calm her down. My heart felt hurt when I saw their reaction towards Ivy's letter. The letter was filled with sadness, unspoken words that were kept inside Ivy's heart for the past few years.
