I Know I Shouldn't (Sequel To I Need You So Much) [Oliver Sykes Fan Fic]

So Sorry Lover

Song: I'm Sorry by The Maine

Chelsea

It had been exactly a week since I had talked to Oliver. Nicholls was keeping me up to date with his condition. According to him, Oliver was heading to rehab today and he was going to go to the same facility he had went to before, which wasn't very from our home. Unfortunately, I had promised Nicholls I would go visit Oliver in rehab. I was highly regretting the promise, but I decided that I couldn't go back on my word, so I planned to go later that day. I figured taking the kids to see him would be a bad idea since he was probably still going through withdraws and they didn't need to see him like that. Though, they would have helped steer the conversation away from the subject that would have been staring us in the face.

As I glanced in the mirror one last time before I left to go to see my husband, I couldn't help but think that I could care less what I looked like. He pretty much just stomped on this family. He would be lucky if I took him back, let alone if I looked nice for him. He could be so self centered sometimes. He always had to fuck things up. I let out a sigh before grabbing my car keys and left the house. 

The drive wasn't very long and before I knew it, and before I was ready, I was pulling up into the rehab facility that was all too familiar to me and getting out. As I walked through the automatic doors, I was reminded of the first time I had been here.

~Flashback~

"Mommy, are we gonna see Daddy?" an eight-year-old Melody asked, tugging on my hand as we entered the facility Oli was staying at. She looked up at me with a hopeful grin. It had always amazed me how close Oli and Melody seemed to be, but in this circumstance it pained me to see how much she missed him since he had entered rehab.

"Yes," I answered, returning her smile. We neared the front desk and I signed the four of us in. The receptionist told us which room Oli was in. Melody looked ready to prance down the hall all the way to Oli room, but I knew I had to talk to them first. 

"Can we go see Daddy now?" Melody questioned as I stooped down to the three kids' level. All three of them looked like they were about to jump up and down out of excitement.

"In a minute, but I need to talk to you guys for a second," I responded, blowing out a sigh. I put on a hand on Melody and Linkin's shoulders, trying to think about how I could phrase what I needed to say so that my six and eight-year-old kids would understand. "Guys, Daddy's sick. He might not be himself. It's not that he doesn't love you, it's just he's going through a hard time. If he does something that he wouldn't normally do, just remember that he doesn't mean it and he'll go back to normal when he's better and he gets home," I explained with three set of eyes staring at me intently. I could see Melody's smile falter a bit and it pained me. It pained me that he left me to clean up his mess. I was left to explain why Daddy was in the hospital to three kids who had no idea what drugs were. I knew had didn't mean to get addicted, but didn't he think of us back home waiting for him when he took the drugs the first time? Were we really that unimportant to him that he would just forget about us to have 'fun' for a few hours?

Before I could get to involved in my thoughts, I stood back up and lead the three kids to the room where Oli was staying. As we entered, I could hear a telly playing and I could see Oliver sitting up in bed looking absent-mindedly at the screen. When we entered, his head turned to look at us. My stomach was churning because I knew this wasn't easy for him and I was just hoping he wouldn't take it out on the kids. Thankfully, when he saw us, a grin as big as Melody's twitched at his lips.

~End Flashback~

I signed in and the receptionist again told me where Oliver was staying. This time was different, though. My stomach was churning because I had no idea what I was supposed to say to him. I was still pissed at him and I didn't want to talk it out right then. I knew he would be well into withdraws by now and I didn't want to put up with it. If he was going to be an idiot, let him suffer by himself. He had betrayed me; he didn't deserve me to feel sorry for him. He did this to himself.

All too soon, I was entering his room. He was again staring at the telly screen, but this time, when he looked over at me, there was no big grin. There was just pain in his hazel eyes. I still had no idea what to say. An awkward silence engulfed us as I took a seat in a plastic chair next to his bed.

"Chelsea," he began, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," he apologized, causing me to shake my head. That was the best thing he could come up with? Sorry wouldn't cut it this time.

"Why don't you tell that to the kids?" I responded sarcastically. "God, Oliver, do you even think about anyone besides yourself? Did you think about how this would affect the four of us?" I scoffed, avoiding his eyes.

"I know. I fucked up everything. I fucked up our family," he replied, looking at me. I still refused to meet his gaze, so he just stared at my profile.

"Yeah, and then you leave me to tell our kids that you could've died. I should've called you up and let you explain to them how idiotic you are. And the worst part is that even though I'm an beyond pissed at you, I'm still worried. It's like even when you fuck up everyone just wants you to be ok and I want to yell at you, but...but I just can't," I rambled on. As the last sentence left my mouth, my eyes locked onto his. Why did he do this to me? I knew whatever he did, I would always come back. It didn't help that he was laying in a hospital bed looking like all he needed was someone to tell him everything was going to be alright. 

"Chelsea, I'm sorry and I promise, after I'm out of this place, I will never touch anther drop of alcohol or drugs," he told me. The words made me look away.

"Yeah, right," I scoffed, knowing there was little truth in what he was trying to promise. It was hard not to go out drinking when the ten guys you lived on a bus with were going. 

"I mean it. You and this family mean more to me than anything. I never want to put you guys through this again. I know I said that last time, but this time I mean it. I never want to make you feel like you in this alone again. I love you so much and this isn't how you treat the ones you love," he insisted. When I looked back into those hazel eyes that I had fell in love with sophomore year, I knew he was being honest. After all these years, I could tell when he was making a false promise and I knew this wasn't one of them.

"I love you, too," I responded before reaching across the bed and letting my lips collide with his. His hands moved to wrap around my waist and bring me closer, reminding me of the first time we kissed. I loved him way to much to let him go over this. He needed me now. We needed each other.