I Know I Shouldn't (Sequel To I Need You So Much) [Oliver Sykes Fan Fic]

I'm Not Ok and it's Not Alright

AN: I apologize for taking so long to update. If you haven't seen yet, all my stories are currently on hold because I have WAY too much homework to write lately. I decided to AP History this year and it is a lot more work that I had expected. That combined with my Spanish class that my teacher acts like is honors when it's A-level, my honor math class, and my AP English class, means I've been a bit stressed over school lately. Updates will most likely continue to be slow. I've started writing on the bus on my phone, so if there are a lot of mistakes that's the reason. I'm hoping that this will help me update more reguarly, but I make no promises. All that aside, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter! :)

Song: Alone by Sleeping With Sirens

Oliver

I woke up in an unfamiliar bed in a room I had never seen before. A moment later, a pounding headache kicked with the beat of a steady bass drum and I let out a groan. How much had I drank last night? More importantly, what the hell happened? I looked over to see a sight if horror. Laying next to me in this unknown bed was that girl from last night. I sat up slowly, not wanting to wake her. What had I done? Chelsea was never going to forgive me after this one. After everything I had done over the course of the last fifteen or so years that we had known each other this would probably be the last straw. I mean, I had been a jerk that time when we were dating, the band's constant touring forced her to raise three kids alone, I had put her through the horrors of my drug addiction years ago. I was anything but the perfect husband. She deserved so much better than me, but what had she gotten? A recovering drug addict who was also a touring musician and a now a cheater. I had always said I wouldn't let the distance get the best of me. I had always promised her I'd be faithful even if I was on the other side of the globe. Now, I had went and broke the most important promise I had ever made to her. Why was I such an asshole? I had the perfect wife and I had to go and screw it up. 

Finally, I started to get up. I tried to carefully put on my clothes without waking her. The last thing I needed was an awkward morning after conversation. The wedding band still adorning my ring finger made my heart sink further. How could I be so stupid? I had everything and last night would probably ruin all of it. I doubted Chelsea would just forgive me for this. 

I made my way as quietly as I could out of the flat. I succeeded in not waking her, but now I had to figure out how to get back to the venue. I fished my phone out if my pocket and pulled up the Google Maps. It didn't look like the venue was far, which was good since I didn't need the bus to accidentally leave me behind on top of having to tell Chelsea that I had been unfaithful. I knew I needed to tell her. The guilt would eat me away if I didn't just be honest with her. I told her everything and I couldn't keep this from her. A marriage had no place for lies even though so many people seemed to fit them in. 

I easily found my way to the venue using the directions on my phone. The whole way there, my stomach felt like it was doing somersaults. The idea that I would have to admit to fucking up not only to the woman I loved but to the rest of the band was not something I was comfortable with. Nicholls and Chelsea were still best friends and I knew for a fact he would be more pissed at me than anyone else. I would be surprised if he didn't beat me up as soon as the words left my mouth. He knew what it was like to be cheated on and he had been a wreck when it had happened. He could be quite protective over my wife for some reason and I knew he would never let me live this one down like I needed him mad at me along with Chelsea. 

"Where were you all night?" Nicholls asked as soon as I opened the bus door. How did I even explain it to him without getting him beyond pissed at me? "If you cheated on Chelsea, I'm gonna pound your face in," he added, making me look down at the floor. "Did you seriously fuck up that bad?" he asked. I think he had been kidding when he first said it, but I knew no matter what, I couldn't hide this from the world forever. 

"What do I do now?" I asked, my cheeks getting red. I hated admitting when I fucked up, but who didn't. The worst part was that now everyone was going to be pissed at me. 

"Well, you call Chelsea and hope she takes your sorry ass back. She's gonna be so pissed Oliver. How could you even do that? She is the perfect girl and you went and fucked it up with her," he scolded angrily.  He acted like I didn't already know how bad I had messed up this time. 

"I know, mate. I screwed up and I feel terrible about it, but I was beyond drunk and I don't even remember it happening.  I know how amazing Chelsea is and I know she's gonna be pissed," I responded before plopping down next to him on the faux leather couch. I put my head in my hands and let out a groan. How could I ever let something like this happen? 

"God, I screwed up so bad. What am I supposed to do if she never forgives me? I can't live without her. And what about the kids? They deserve a semi-normal family. What if she wants a divorce? She the only person I've ever loved. I can't let her go," I complained like I was thinking out loud. I could never live with myself if I screwed up our marriage with some meaningless sex that I hadn't even wanted. 

"Mate, I don't want to get your hopes up, but if I know anything about Chelsea, I know she'll think about Melody, Harmony, and Linkin first. She's probably gonna be beyond pissed at you at first, but I think she'll forgive you in the end. I know how much she loves you and we both know that last night meant nothing to you. You just gotta explain that to her," he advised. I wanted to believe him and trust that she would forgive me, but what if she never wanted to talk to me again after this? 

"I'm gonna go call her," I announced, reluctantly standing up and walking to the back lounge. This was one of those conversations that I needed privacy for. 

I brought up her contact on my phone and stared at the call button for a moment before actually hitting it. I put the phone up to my ear as my palm produced more sweat than I thought was possible. It seemed like the ringing would never end, but finally she picked up. "Hey, babe," she greeted happily. Her joy just made this harder. 

"Chelsea, I gotta tell you something."