I Know I Shouldn't (Sequel To I Need You So Much) [Oliver Sykes Fan Fic]

Leaves You Broken

Song: Therapy by All Time Low

Melody

I walked into the house to find my mum crying in her office. She had been crying a lot lately. She would try to cover it up and say she was fine, but as much as she lied to me, I could see beyond it. She was far from fine and when I heard sobs coming from the extra bedroom she called her office, I knew I was right about something going on with her. I had a feeling it was about Dad, too. 

"Mum, what's wrong?" I asked, pushing the door to her office open. The tears were streaming down her face, her mascara going with them. She was a mess. 

"Oh, honey," was all she could choke out before the tears came harder. I slowly walked over to her and pulled her into my arms. I rarely saw her cry. She was always tried to be strong for us, which I always admired her for. I knew it was hard for her with Dad always away, but she was always able to put on smile for us. 

"Mum, what's wrong?" I repeated when she had calmed down a bit. She used her thumb to wipe her tears away, only to smear her makeup more. I never understood why she wore so much makeup. She was literally beautiful. 

"Your father..." she started, taking a deep breath. I could tell she didn't really want to tell me, but there was no way she could just say that she was 'fine' and send me on my way. I mean, she was a wreck and I hated seeing her like this. She was an amazing mother and she didn't deserve to feel like this. "Your father...he's an idiot. God, he is such a fucking idiot. He fucks things up and then expects me to just act like everything is ok," she murmured finally. She put her head in her hands and let out a deep sigh. 

"What did he do?" I questioned wearily. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to know. I mean, it must be pretty terrible if she was bawling like this. But he was my father and had a right to know what was going on with him. His decisions affected me, too. 

"What didn't he do is better question," she sighed. It was obvious she was stalling for time. She didn't want me to know, but she knew she had to tell me. I looked down at her expectantly. Even though I knew it was bad, I also knew that if she was this upset it was important. "Well, remember how you came home from school the other day and I was upset?" she asked, causing me to nod. "Well, he had just called and told me that he had gotten really drunk and cheated on me," she explained, her voice cracking. My eyes turned into saucers. I had always thought my parents had the perfect relationship. I mean, my dad was away a lot, but they seemed to love each other so much. Even after being married for about twelve years, I always thought they were still madly in love. "Well, obviously, I was pissed and then Uncle Nicholls just called and said that... that your dad's back on drugs and that he took too much," she explained, burst out into tears at the end. Now I was no longer worried about my parents relationship. My dad's happy face flashed into my mind. No, this couldn't be true. Everything was fine before he left. He hadn't even been gone that long. 

But I knew both Mum and Uncle Nicholls wouldn't lie about something like this. I knew Dad was not alright. "He's gonna be ok, though, right?" I questioned uncertainly. I could feel my breathing catch at the thought of my dad not being around anymore. 

"I don't know, honey. The doctors haven't told Uncle Nicholls much when he called. He said he'd call back when he heard something," she answered, shaking her head. My heart sunk as the words left her mouth. I knew he must be pretty bad if she wasn't even trying to reassure me that he'd be fine. I had no idea what to say next, so we just stood there, my mum crying and me imagining my possibly dead father. I felt like I was in some kind of nightmare that I couldn't get out of. Everyone around me seemed to be dropping like flies: first Tyler almost dies in a car crash before leaving and now my dad almost dies after leaving. 

I reached over to wrap my arms around her again, knowing she needed the love. As hard as this was for me to take in, it must be ten times worse having to be the strong one. She didn't want to worry us, so she had to try not to cry. She had to try to hide her pain. "Mum, I'm sure he'll end up being fine. He's pulled through before," I reassured her. I was suddenly reminded of my drug induced father, the rehab facility we had visited him at, the way he kept telling Mum how sorry he was about screwing everything up. I had only been eight when Dad had been addicted the first time, but I still had horrifying memories of it. I had thought it was over that day we took him home. The doctors said he was cured. He told me that he felt better. I heard him tell Mum he would never put her through this again. My eight year old self was just so happy to have Daddy back. Well, I'd love to ask the doctors why people relapsed if they were supposedly cured, why people still needed the drugs if their medicine worked so well. I'd love to ask Dad if he really felt better that day or if there was still the thought in the back of his mind about the next time he would be able to take drugs. I'd love to ask him why he lied to Mum, why he would ever do this to our family again. I'd love to tell my eight year old self that Daddy wasn't going to stick around more than a few years. 

"Honey, can you please not tell your brother and sister about this? I'd rather tell them myself," she requested, looking up at me. For a moment, it felt like our roles were reversed. She was all of a sudden the little girl who needed consoling and I was the mother who had to keep it together. 

I nodded in agreement. "Is he gonna have to go back to rehab?" I questioned even though I already knew the answer. Why would he even take drugs again? I know Mum said they were fighting, but could it have really been that bad that he would want to put himself through all this again? It hadn't been easy for anyone last time, so why would he think it would any different this time? I immediately felt a pang in my chest as I thought of him right before he went to rehab. It was a sight I thought I would never see again, but it looked like I was wrong. 

"I guess. I'm not sure," she answered, wiping her tears off her cheeks. "God, I'm so mad at him," she murmured, shaking her head again. 

"Maybe when he gets better, you can talk things out," I suggested. I knew by then she wouldn't be as mad. She just needed some time to cool down and then things would probably go back to normal. Well, that was what I was hoping for. My parents were the poster couple for how to have a happy marriage. They were happier than all of my friends' parents combined. 

"Well, Melody, no matter how angry you get, you'll always forgive the ones we love and I sure as hell love your father," she responded with a small smile. I couldn't imagine how she would accept an apology for all of this, but I also couldn't imagine them not together. Even though Dad had really screwed up, I knew they would figure it out. They had to.