I Know I Shouldn't (Sequel To I Need You So Much) [Oliver Sykes Fan Fic]

I Can't Take One More Moment

AN: I just wanted to let you guys know that I'm going to be updating the story more often. Updates will still be slow, but I'm close to finishing the story and I have a really great idea for how to end this, so I just want to write it all down. Updates will still be slow, but more often than they have been. I'm also taking this story off hold. The rest of my stories will stay on hold for a bit longer, though. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Song: Mad At Myself by Issues

Chelsea

"Babe, I'm sorry," Oliver pleaded desperately. Tears were pricking at my eyes and they were starting to fall. How could he do this to me? He had never done this before and I just didn't know what to even say. "Chels, can you just say something?" he begged. My mind was racing but not one thing wanted to come out of my mouth. I was just speechless. 

"How...how could you?" I whispered at last. All of a sudden I felt like a broken hearted teenager all over again, but this was worse than him just being an asshole all those years ago. He had broken my trust this time. How was I supposed to forgive that?

"I know I really screwed and I am really sorry. I was so drunk that I don't even remember it," he answered. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears too. I knew he was upset, but what did he expect me to say?

"That's not an excuse, Oliver. You've been drunk plenty of times," I scolded. While I understood that the alcohol he had drank made him do things he wouldn't normally do, he couldn't justify his actions based off of it. 

"I know it's not, but it didn't mean anything and I'm sorry," he cried out. Every syllable that exited his mouth sounded so pained. Something inside me just wanted to say that it was fine just to take away that pain, but I just couldn't. It wouldn't be the truth. It wasn't ok that he betrayed me and I just couldn't lie to him like that. 

"Well, maybe you should've thought of that last night," was all I said before my hands took over and I hung up. I then pushed my laptop away from me and put my head down on my desk. I had been working on my new book, but there was no way I was going to get my mind off of Oliver now. As soon as my head safely rested in my arms the tears started streaming from my eyes. 

After about fifteen minutes I heard the front door open. When I checked the time and realized that this was about the time the kids came home from school. I picked up head up and wiped angrily at my unruly tears. Instead of going to greet the kids, I went into the bathroom and tried to cover up the redness and puffiness of my eyes. We didn't need to tell the kids about this until we knew what we were going to do. I didn't want to upset them. Also, even though I was pissed at Oliver, I didn't want them to be mad at him, too. 

"Hey, Mum," Melody's voice called out in a questioning tone. I ran my fingers through my hair and took one last look in the mirror at myself before opening the bathroom door. I let out a sigh as I walked into the kitchen in an attempt to compose myself. 

"Hi, love," I greeted, feigning happiness. I plastered a smile on my face and attempted to hide the fact that I had just spent the last twenty minutes crying over her father. "Where're Harmony and Linkin?" I asked, my brow furrowing in confusion. 

"Harmony stayed after for a club or something and Linkin went to work on a group project with someone," she answered. She opened a cabinet and produced a bag of Cheetos. "Are you ok?" she asked, her voice laced with concern. 

"Yeah, I'm fine," I lied. I didn't need to upset her. I didn't even like being upset over this myself and I didn't need to cause anyone else the pain I was feeling. 

"Ok..." she trailed off uncertainly. She then grabbed her snack and her bag and started upstairs. As soon as she was out of the room, I broke down again. I tried to keep my sobbing quiet so Melody wouldn't hear, but it was challenging. 

How could Oliver do this to me? To us? I knew he was drunk, but did I not cross his mind once? Was the ring on his finger not enough of a reminder that he had a family to come home to? How was I supposed to trust him after this? Now, every time he left for tour, I would always worry. I never had to be concerned before, but if I forgave him for this I would never be at ease with him gone again. Did he only think of himself? Did he even care how this would affect me? Did he even care how this would affect the kids? You think that having three kids would help his behavior. This might actually be the most selfish thing he's ever done. He had done some stupid things before this was by far the worse. When he was addicted to drugs a few years ago, I got over it and helped him through everything. When he was just a plain asshole, I got over it, but this. How did I get over the ultimate betrayal? I didn't want to get divorced because I did truly love him and I knew his apology was sincere, but there was no way that this was going to be easy to get over. The only man I had ever loved had broken my trust. 

Oliver

The pain in my chest was unbearable. It felt like my heart was being torn into tiny pieces, but I had no right to feel this way. I was the one who had broken her heart; not the other way around. If anything, she should be the one enduring this pain, not me. Why did I have to be such an asshole? Why did I always screw up everything? I had an amazing, beautiful wife and amazing kids and I risked it all for a stupid one night stand. What if Chelsea wanted a divorce? I couldn't let her go. She was the only person I wanted to be with. Why the fuck was I so fucking idiotic?

Suddenly, something caught my eye from my place in the back lounge. We had just finished our set, so it was ok for me to down the unopened bottle of whiskey that had grabbed my attention. I picked up the glass bottle, ripped open the cap, and brought it to my lips. The amber liquid burned the back of my throat as I chugged, but I chose to ignore it. It had been awhile since I had had drunk so heavily besides the previous night because I didn't like drinking around the kids, which had limited the habit on tour, too. Needless to say, it wasn't long until I was completely wasted and my pain had subsided. Then, something else caught my drunken eyes.