I Know I Shouldn't (Sequel To I Need You So Much) [Oliver Sykes Fan Fic]

Got a Hole In My Soul

Song: Vices by Memphis May Fire

Oliver

The thing that caught my eye from across the room was the thing I considered to be my worst enemy. I slowly stumbled across the small back lounge to retrieve the small plastic bag filled with the white powered. I stared at the ketamine in the transparent bag, contemplating whether or not I should actually go through with this. Of course inebriated self thought that it was a great idea. It'll help all the pain, the voice in my head persuaded. I had been addicted to this stuff a few years ago; right before Sempiternal came out, but my drunken mind didn't pay attention to that little fact. It didn't care. It just cared about erasing Chelsea out of my mind for the moment. You can't handle the pain without this, my mind coaxed again. 

Within about twenty minutes I was totally out of it. Between the alcohol and the the drugs, I could barely even remember my name. The ketamine had made me pretty sleepy and had caused some hallucination, but I had yet to pass out. Needless to say, the voice in my mind had been right: I couldn't remember a thing about Chelsea. Thankfully, no one came into to check on me because I had idea how I was suppose to explain the fact that I was back on drugs. I didn't even know how the drugs had made it on to our back lounge. I just knew that they were there and that I had thought I needed them to get through this. About fifteen minutes later, everything went black.

The next morning I was woken up by someone shaking my body. I opened my eyes to see Nicholls pushing my body back and forth. My head was pounding like a kick drum and the bright light streaming in through the windows made me cringe. "We have soundcheck in a half hour mate," he told me before exiting the back lounge. I let out a groan before burying my face into the sleeves of my sweatshirt. The first thing that popped into my head with the white powered that I used to hate so much. Right then, though, I needed it. I knew from past experiences where I could obtain it, but then I remember Nicholls said I needed to be at soundcheck. I had a choice, abandon my band and go on the great drug hunt or suffer for about an hour. Well, my addicted brain chose the former, not the latter.

It took me awhile, but I had finally acquired the sweet substance I craved so much. "Oli, there you," someone called out. I immediately stuffed my new belonging into my pocket before turning around to see Jordan. "We've been looking all over for you. We have soundcheck," he explained before dragging me away inside the building. 

The ketamine seemed to be burning a hole in the pocket of my skinny jeans the whole time I was up on that stage. I just needed to go find some place that no one would see me and give my body what it needed. Of course, though, that was not an option until after we were done with soundcheck. I didn't even care if my microphone worked. It could be broken for all I cared. The only thing I cared about was the drugs. Chelsea didn't even cross my mind once, so I guess it was doing what I had asked it: take my mind off the situation I had put myself in. It looked like drugs and alcohol were never a good idea when it came to me.

Melody

"Call me when you land," I commanded. After their last attempt to leave, I needed to know that Tyler and his mum got to America safely. There was no was I would be able to rest if he didn't call me the second they got there.

"I will," he promised before pulling me into a tight embrace. When he loosened his grip on my shoulders, he leaned in for a kiss. The feeling of his lips against mine felt so perfect and I wanted to kiss him as long as humanly possible because I knew this would be the last one for a while. This might be the last kiss we would ever share, but of course it came to end.

"Come on, Tyler. We don't want to miss our flight," his mum prodded. She was sitting in the car giving him a stern look. I just wanted to tell her to go fuck off. She was taking Tyler away from me and we couldn't even have a proper goodbye. He went in again for another hug, this time whisper that he loved me before pulling away.

"I'll call you," he told me before getting in the passenger side of his mum's Toyota. They then sped off, this time making it past the stop sign without getting into a car crash. I stood in their old driveway watching them drive away until they made a turn and I was unable to see them. The whole time, he was looking back at me with a heartbroken look on his face. I didn't even try to force a smile. I was anything but happy. I felt the happiness slowly being drained from my body. He had brought me so much happiness these last few months and now it was gone. It left in that small gray car.

Chelsea

"Hey, Nicholls," I greeted as I picked up the phone. I had a feeling that Oliver had asked him to call and talk me into forgiving him. Well, it wasn't going to work. I was still pissed off at him and I had every right to be. "If Oli asked you to call and get me to-"

"No, he didn't ask me to call. I'm calling because I think he over dosed. I don't know where he got the drugs, but we found him passed out in the back lounge with a bunch of ketamine and alcohol and I know you're angry with him right now, but I know you still care about him," Nicholls explained, sounding pretty upset. Well, he was right. I might currently hate his guts for not being able to keep it in his pants, but I still loved him and when the words came out of Nicholls' mouth it still felt like my world stopped spinning. My stomach started to churn. He had to be alright, right? He wouldn't try to kill himself, I tried to reassure myself. There was no way. He still had the kids to live for. He still had the band.

"Is he gonna be ok?" I asked finally. The tears were building up in my eyes. How the hell was I supposed to manage without him? I know I was mad at him and maybe I had contemplated getting a divorce, but in reality, I needed him just as much as he needed me. Wait, what if he did this because of me? What if he tried to kill himself because I wouldn't talk to him? Would he really give up his life just because I refused to be in it, though? He probably didn't even do it on purpose, I tried to tell myself. He was probably just screwing around and took too much. If all of that was true, though, why did it feel like a knife was repeatedly stabbing my heart? Why did I feel like if he died, I would die, too?