Jia went into the dug-out after training and she was still in a foul mood. She was irritated that Bea did not even make any move to apologize to her after making her wait for almost an hour for their lunch. "What a jerk, she did not even have the respect to send me even a quick message that she'll be late. Grrrr." She thought in her head as she slammed the locker door.
"You're in a foul mood" She found Bea leaning on the locker across from hers, as if waiting for a sign if she can come closer.
When Jia did not attempt to leave, Bea took this as a sign that they can talk, so she took a seat on the bench separating them.
"Ji, can we talk?"
Jia weighed her thoughts for a moment. She was still mad at Bea, but honestly, she was already getting tired of the heavy feeling in her heart. She gave a tiny nod as she took a seat beside Bea, but with some distance separating them.
Bea shook her head, snickering a bit, and lowered her head to look at her shoes. "That bad huh?" She tilted her head to look at Jia from under her eyes.
"Huh.. What?"
"You hate me that bad that you can't stand to be near me."
Jia bit her lip, realizing she has been caught. Taking a deep breath, she scooted closer to Bea. She tried to distract herself so as not to say anything, forcing Bea to be the first to speak. She was surprised when Bea held her hand, tugging it to force her to look at Bea.
"Look, I'm really sorry for being late. But I guess my absence didn't really bother you..."
"Why would you say that?"
"Well, you looked so... happy to be having lunch with Miguel.."
"I waited. You should have at least sent me a message to let me know whether you were still coming"
"Ji, you know I wouldn't miss it for anything. I just have some school stuff that got in the way"
"And I don't?" Jia felt the irritation returning.
"Look, I should actually be the one hurt here coz you were so quick to find a replacement!" Bea stood up and paced around to control her temper. She kept on running her hand on her hair, attempting to vent her anger.
Jia stood up to match Bea. "He's not a replacement! He's my boyfriend Bei!"
"Yah.. And me? Who am I to you Jia? What is all this?"
"You're.. My.. Besty" Jia had to take a step back, feeling herself weak in the knees. She was finding herself short of breath, afraid of Bea who's lashing out right now.
"We're besties, but apparently only when it is convenient for you. Otherwise, it's Miguel this and Miguel that, as if I don't exist!"
"You're important to me Bei" Jia held Bea's cheeks to stop her from pacing, to tether her and calm her down.
Bea closed her eyes and Jia could see that she was trying to stop herself from crying. "You can't be like that Ji. You can't be sweet one minute and cold the next... It's confusing."
Jia locked Bea in an embrace, resting her head on Bea's chest. For a while, she listened to Bea's heatbeat, allowing herself the momentary peace.
"What am I to you Ji?" Bea placed her chin on top of Jia's head as she felt her heart calm down with the effect of Jia's hug.
"I said no more questions Bei, remember?" She hugged Bea tighter.
"But it can't be that way. People can't go on not knowing... not having the answers. We can't live in uncertainties."
"Can you be more annoying?" Jia retorted
"Can you be more evasive?" Bea argued back
"I don't want to fight anymore.." Jia clutched Bea's shirt as she felt tears coming to fore. She shook her head as she tried to stop Bea from talking. She was tired of this argument...Tired of thinking...Tired of fighting...
"I just need to know Ji! Why do you.."
But Bea was not able to finish her question as Jia silenced her with a kiss. It was quick, finished even before Bea could savor the moment.
"You wouldn't understand" Jia rested her head back on Bea's chest as she surrendered to her tears.
Bea lifted Jia's chin to force her to look up. "Yes, I do" and she kissed Jia, this time giving into the kiss without hesitation.
Detaching from the kiss, they stared at each other, both not knowing what to do. Both still in shock as to the revelation that they stumbled upon.
Bea broke into a smile as she placed their foreheads together. "Are we like, together now?"
"No more questions Bei" Jia replied as she leaned up to kiss Bea again.
Tonight, we will just live in this moment. Away from the judgments, away from the stares.
I don't know what tomorrow brings, but for tonight, just hold me.
