"Hey, where have you been?"
I was surprised to hear her voice as I entered our room. She turned on her lamp as she sat up to look at me.
I checked my watch, it's late... No, it's too late... 2am. It's already saturday, and in 3 hours, I need to wake up again for training.
I dropped my bag on my bed as I sat on the edge, swaying a bit as I felt tipsy. Struggling to get my shoes off, I held on to my head as I felt myself ready to hurl.
"Bei, where have you been? Are you drunk?" She asked again.
"Sorry I woke you, go back to sleep" I told her coldly. I didn't feel like talking, I just wanted to sleep.
She stood up from her bed and walked to mine.
"Did you drink? Who were you with?" She asked as she rubbed my shoulder and brushed my hair.
"Quit the mommy act Jia!" I said, swatting her hand away from me.
I could see the hurt in her eyes, but I was too tired to care. Physically, but more so, emotionally.
How many times did I feel the stab in my heart everytime I'll be reminded of how she chose to be with Miguel? For every time that I see them together, hold hands, even the mere fact of their existence together rips me apart.
"I'm sorry, I was just worried that you weren't home. I tried to wait, but I fell asleep."
"Did I tell you to wait? Huh?! Why? Didn't you have anything better to do with Miguel?!?" I hissed at her as I stood up too quickly, making me trample all over the room. She rushed to hold me steady, as I tried to get out of her grasp.
"Let me go!" I tried to fight with her, but I was one drunken mess.
"Bei please" she pleaded as she clutched me tighter. Holding me in an embrace, I was surprised when I felt her tears drench my shirt.
"Please don't do this to yourself. Don't ruin yourself because I am such a coward..."
"Geez don't flatter yourself!" I laughed, but she didn't let go
"I'm sorry if I'm weak, if I can't love you the way I really want to. That I'm scared" she reached up to touch my face
"When all I trully want to do is love you every single day. Hoping I can call you mine" I could feel her sobbing as she clutched my shirt.
"It hurts me, to see you like this. Because... Because ... I love you Bea"
It felt as if I have been drenched with cold water. As if I have sobered up in a matter of seconds
"You love me??!"
"Yes. I've loved you that first time I saw you enter the BEG, when you were still in your Poveda uniform. And every single day after that, I loved you more and more even as I tried to fight it."
"And Miguel?"
She didn't respond, but instead placed her head on my chest as she cried. Her sobs letting me know she was in pain.
"I love you Bea" she kept repeating over and over again. "Can you wait for me?"
In love, people say we make choices,
to choose the one who loves you, or choose the one you love. Unfortunately for some people, those things do not mean the same thing.
So, which is it?
I closed my eyes as I kissed her forehead.
"I can't..."
She looked up at me with tears gushing down her beautiful face. I kiss her softly on the lips as I force a bitter smile.
"I'm choosing Maddie.."
