The Best Thing

The Funeral

His funeral is today and I could barely get out of bed just thinking about it. I'm showered and ready, staring down at the black dress laid out in front of me. I rub my belly that has grown even larger in the last few days, and feel her moving a little bit. I grab the dress and slide it off the hanger, and then step into it. I dab on some lip gloss and spray perfume, this is the most done up I've gotten since the accident.

I stare at myself in the mirror and take a deep breath 'You can do this Saylor' I keep repeating in my head. There's a light knock on the door and it's Lo.

"Ready?" she asks softly.

"As ready as I can be" she half smiles as I walk over and we meet the guys in the living room.

Asher, Kallan and Matt are all wearing black suits and I would usually smile at how handsome they all look if it wasn't for the grim circumstances. We all head out to Kallan's truck as he drives us all to the church. I stare out the window and look up at the gloomy sky; what perfect weather for a day like this I think to myself.

I check my phone but there isn't anything from my mom. They stayed a hotel for a couple days waiting to hear from me and when they didn't, they left. I told her about Greyson and she said they would try to make it but clearly not. I should have known better then to think this time would be any different than the others.

We get to the church and I see his brother's standing outside. Everyone gets out and I take a moment, Asher opens the door and helps me out. We slowly walk over and Hunter immediately pulls me in for a hug, and then Jayce and Ivy. I see his mom a few feet away talking to someone as his dad stands there with a scowl. I talk with Ivy and then we all head inside.

The church is beautiful, each of his brother's go up and speak, then his parents. I thought about writing something down but I don't feel strong enough and I know that I would barely get a word out and then fall apart in front of the crowd. More and more people show up, his coach, teammates and other friends.

After the church intimate family and friends walk over to the cemetery for the burial. The priest says something nice and we all get to drop a flower and handful of dirt onto his casket. I keep it together for as long as I can and choose to go last.

Asher gives me space as I crouch down and stare at his casket. I close my eyes and think about all of the amazing times we had together, and the pure love I feel for him. I know he's looking down on me... on us and smiling. "I'll be strong for you Grey and I'll be the best mom I can be. We love you so much" I say as the tears start falling again.

I stand and drop the flower, I take in a deep breath and then release it. I feel Asher come stand next to me "He loved you so much" he says.

"And I love him" he interlocks our fingers.

"You'll both be okay Say" I look over at him.

"I hope so" he tugs at me slightly and we both walk away, leaving behind my heart and half of me.

We skip the wake after and go back to the apartment. My feet are swollen and I'm tired, the most tired I've ever been. I change out of my dress and put on one of Greyson's oversized shirts that reaches almost to my knees and a pair of leggings. I grab a blanket and get comfy on the couch as Lo makes us some hot tea. The guys are all sitting around having a glass of Bourbon, and we just sit silently.

No one knows what to say or what to do. They keep looking at me with a mixture of sympathy and pity. I hate it, I hate being looked at like I'm some porcelain doll that could break at any given moment. But I know it's because they are and are worried about me, and they have every right to be. I take a seat next to Asher and grab one of the blankets off the end.