The Best Thing

Everything's Okay

It's been a month since the incident with Asher. We haven't spoken much except for things that involved Fey. I see him when he picks her up and drops her off, but it's a quick exchange and then he leaves. The only thing I feel bad about is hurting him. I know he loves me and always has, and I'm grateful for that.

I will always be grateful for his love and kindness. But, through he and I getting together again I felt like I was constantly forcing myself to feel more than I actually did. But that's not saying I didn't try, because I tried so hard to love him like he loves me. I wanted to so badly, I hoped that over time I would feel it but I didn't. When he came clean about cheating on me it hurt like hell, but it was also a relief and gave me a reason to end things.

The miscarriage made everything that much more painful. It wasn't an excuse, but it added to the way I see him and I hate that I feel this way. But when I look at him all I see is pain, hurt and loss. He is a constant reminder of my past and the tragedies that happened and people that I loved, that I lost. I feel like being with him kept in the past and made it impossible to move forward.

I didn't plan on meeting someone or jumping into something, but these past few weeks of getting to know and hanging out with Cassius have been so... easy and natural. We just talk and laugh, the kids play and everything feels so simple and organic. I don't feel like I have to try hard or be someone that I'm not. I haven't told him about what happened with Asher because part of me is still trying to wrap my head around it all.

Asher has never been aggressive towards me, or scared me but when he threw my wine glass I felt fear for the first time. The look in his eyed and anger on his face, I know he was hurt and frustrated but the way he grabbed my arm and the cruel words he said reminded me that I did make the right choice for myself. I want to tell Cassius what happened but I don't want there to be anything negative between them.

They haven't met yet, but I know eventually they will. I want it to be neutral and drama or craziness for our kids sake. We haven't slept together yet, and it's been really hard. We get caught up in the moment and then one of us pulls away. Neither of us has said why but it's this unspoken agreement that it will happen when the time is right.

Cassius's practice is running later than he had planned, so I'm picking up Fey and Jack. I finish work early and leave to get the kids. Traffic isn't too bad luckily and I get to the school on time for once. I check in and head to their classroom, they both run towards me when they see me through the window.

I give them each a hug and put their coats and backpacks on. They hold hands and Fey reaches for mine as we all walk out to the car. Cass got me a car seat for Jack that he installed a couple weeks ago for times like these. I get them both strapped in safely and then head home. We stop for pizza on our way and I grab a couple bottles of wine and beer. Then we finally get to the apartment.

We ride the elevator up, Jack has the pizzas in his hand and I'm going through my bag looking for my keys. We walk over to the door and Asher is standing outside leaning against the wall, next to the door. I got my key back from him after the last incident.

The kids walk up and Fey screams "Daddy!" And wraps herself around his legs.

"Asher?" I walk over confused and Jack stares at him with wide eyes and curiosity.

"Here, let me take those little man" he says and Jack hands him the boxes.

I unlock and open the door, the kids run in first and Asher follows behind me. He sets the boxes on the counter "What are you doing here?" I finally ask and set my purse down.

"I wanted to talk since we haven't since that night... things have been weird between us and I want to make it right on my end" he sits at the bar stool.