The Secrets We Hold

Chapter 21

When I get back to my dorm, I immediately break down crying, cradling Adira in my arms. Why am I responsible for everything? I'm responsible for a Moroi getting killed; I'm responsible for Carlos being psychotic; I'm responsible for Andre being sent to prison. Now I feel responsible for Dimitri not being able to spend the time he needs with his mom.

Wallowing in self-pity for a few minutes, I eventually force myself to get up and begin packing. First, I put Adira down for a nap and then got started on packing her stuff. Grabbing a suitcase from my closet, I start with her clothes. I pack her eight outfits and four pajamas along with a pack of diapers, although I might have to buy her clothes depending on the weather in Russia. Worst case scenario, I can just buy diapers in Russia if I run out. Then, I pack up a mat and a few toys for her along with the necessities.

Once done with her packing, I start working on mine, starting with my toiletry items. Then, I pack up my clothes and a few other items like a book and my computer. My packing didn't take up too much time so I just relaxed until Adira woke up. However, relaxing went out of the window when there was a knock on my door. Can't I catch a break?

Opening the door, I see Adrian standing on the other side, smelling of smoke. "Hey Adrian. What do you need?"

"I was hoping we would be able to talk about the dream thing." He said, walking into my room. He took note of my suitcase on the side. "Are you going somewhere?"

I nod. "Yeah, I have to leave for the week for safety reasons. So, I can't tell you where I am going. Now, why don't you take a seat?"

Once he settled down on the couch, I look through one of my carry-on bags and find the spray I'm looking for. Using the fragrance spray, I walk over to Adrian before spraying him down.

"What the hell, little dhampir?" Adrian demanded, shooting up from the couch.

Once he smells nice, I cap the perfume and put it back in the bag. "You smelled like an ashtray. How many cigarettes did you smoke? Three?"

I sit down on the couch beside him. "I smoked four, not that that is any of your business."

"Adrian, at that rate, you are going to kill yourself." I warn him.

"It's the only thing that helps. Smoking and drinking are the only things that can numb it."

"What is 'it'? You mentioned something similar last night."

He lets out a sigh. "My mind is filled with so much that I can't take it. There is like this darkness in my head that is only getting worse to the point where I act crazy. You have a bond with Lissa and I assumed that you would know what could help me."

"Adrian, I don't talk to Lissa anymore so I don't know what is going on with her. I used to be able to sense her emotions but I blocked them out because it became too much. But, I have a theory that might be able to help. You and Lissa never specialized in an element and neither did Vladimir. I've been reading up on him and his bond with Anna and something leads me to believe that the more you use your unique ability, the worse it gets. As far as I know, Lissa hasn't healed something since me, hence the reason why she hasn't been erratic. You, on the other hand, seem to use your ability consistently. Maybe you need to stop dream walking for the time being. And stop drinking and smoking because that could be making it worse."

"It's like I can't help but dream walking. Similar to drinking and smoking, it is almost like an addiction. The more I do it, the harder it is to stop." He informs me.

I give him a thoughtful look. "Then try to be with someone for most of the time. If you are in the company of someone else, you won't be able to dream walk and maybe they could help with your other addiction. And when I'm talking about company, I don't mean sex."