hiiii /neg. bad time i'm having a horrible time. sorry i keep coming and going btw i feel bad about it but i honestly don't think anyone's actually reading this so it doesnt matter.
sorry for being super negative too! i'm not ina. good place rn and i kinda wanted to talk about it here as a way to sort out my thoughts. yeah the only relevance this has to being an avian is that i might take a break GENUINELY. and that's because i'm not in the proper headspace for it.
BIG CW VENT, DRUG ABUSE/ SH MENTION AND SPIRALING PLS BE SAFE! skip to paragraph break if u don't wanna hear it.
ok so right now: i'm at my new house right. it doesn't have anything in it rn because our stuffs coming tomorrow but i've been here since the 15th. i'm in florida, but i moved here from washington state. i miss my friends. and i'm so so scared for my future.
i got here late and i cant re enter school until next school year. this fucking sucks like you have no idea. maybe 6 months of summer in florida sounds amazing to you but it's making me feel cut off from the rest of the world as there's nothing near my neighbourhood and i don't have any friends here. this is also the third year in a row i haven't been able to finish a school year for reasons outside of my control.
basically i am very scared for my future. i just want my wings so i can fly away from all of my problems and live with my friends in the middle of nowhere. then there's still the looming threat of somehow getting addicted to drugs and dying at 27. currently i'm just becoming an otaku again because lucky star in low quality was the only thing i could do for a while but at least it's not drug abuse right? at least i'm just watching magical girl anime and not porn or something. realising now that i'm a lot better off that i could've been.
i've been considering cutting with a mechanical pencil in my carry on bag but i live in florida now so i can't really cover it up. i miss brenden and i don't want him to be disappointed that his sibling ended up like him. i don't want to hurt myself because he wouldn't like it, which sounds dumb considering i only got to meet him a few times but i want to make him happy if i die and ever get to see him again.
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HI! SORRY FOR BEING DARK! that got really personal, didn't it? anyways, i'm not gonna be super active anywhere probs until i get settled in because everything is too much rn to focus on wings. i'll see you guys in a while.
btw i swear you don't need to worry about me! i'll be fine, i just need some time. wow, this journal sure has gone through a lot, huh? i should make a new one to maybe say goodbye to the old yknow, but i'm too attached to my real home to do that. maybe once this journal gets too cluttered and long.
sorry for all this, i'll be back soon! deleting wattpad to make sure ill be on break, bye for now!
-tommy
YOU ARE READING
My Avian Adventure :D
Non-Fictionhey dudes, i'm tommy (or digs) and i'm an avian! i've been in the community for a year and a half (two as of july) but i haven't been showing a lot of progress, so i'm keeping this journal so i can keep track of what i do have!
