Something Gained

Chapter Twenty-Seven

I woke up in an unfamiliar bed, I looked outside and the sun was coming through the window. I looked around still confused. Was it morning? I got up and walked out of the room.

"Daniel?" I called out, he appeared in seconds at my side
"Afternoon sleepyhead" he said pulling me towards him. I buried my head in his chest
"Afternoon?" I asked
"Yeah, we got here about an hour ago, I carried you to bed" he told me. Oh, that makes sense. So this must be Daniels house then, it was very quiet and calm
"So we're in Perth" I confirmed. He nodded as I looked up at him.
"Do you want to take a look around?" He suggested, I nodded and he took my hand. He looked down at our fingers entwined, as did I. He smiled and pulled me back towards him. He lifted my chin up and kissed me softly. I smiled and kissed him back. Then he took me round his house, which was quite big, showing me where things were and stuff

"And out here is the pool and seating area, that's where we'll have dinner with my family soon" he said
"Your family? Tonight?" I asked starting to panic. I knew I would be meeting them and I probably should do at some point since we were here but it was scary, their his parents. I assumed we'd wait a few days?What if they didn't like me? He clearly sensed me panic and put his hands to my face and lifted my head so I was looking at him
"Don't panic, they'll love you" he said. I nodded and tried to breathe
"Can I get showered and changed" I asked
"Of course, they haven't left yet and it'll take them around an hour to get her anyway" he told me. I nodded and gave him a kiss again before going inside the house and back to bedroom where I was before.

To say I was nervous was an understatement. Daniel told me not to panic but how could I not. Sure I was really excited to meet Daniels parents and find out if he was more like his mum or his dad, to see how they were and how they brought their son up, I did want to know them. Particularly as he was the only one with parents. But I was so nervous because I didn't want to mess it up, I didn't want them to think I wasn't right for Daniel or if they didn't like me what would I do then? I didn't have parents and it made it so much more painful as well. It was like a reminder that I haven't got my parents with me anymore and it made me so sad because I would do anything for one more day with them, to tell them I loved them. I'd do anything to have them here so they could meet Daniel and see us so happy, that's what I wanted for Daniels parents as well. I so badly wanted it to go well and it was freaking me out.
I sat down on the shower floor and cried. I don't know how I ended up crying, it was so unnecessary. I just cried. I don't know why I was this nervous, I've been in high pressure environments, I do it every week at the track, but I could feel myself panicking and I couldn't control my breathing. Everything was spinning out of control. The noise of the shower turned into a blur of noise. I couldn't see straight, I couldn't think, I couldn't talk. I just shook and cried and felt dizzy.
"Alex?" I heard Daniel call but he sounded so far away. I wanted to scream out for help but I couldn't.

I felt dizzy, I could feel myself swaying. I could hear Daniels voice, and I could feel myself being swayed, I felt warm strong arms around me, I felt safe and secure. I opened my eyes and realised I was wrapped in a towel on Daniels lap on his bedroom floor. He was holding me like a child, talking to me and rocking me.
"Daniel?" I whispered, I didn't have the energy to speak louder
"Alex? What happened? Are you okay?"
"I don't know, I was thinking in the shower and started worrying and then crying and then I couldn't breathe and then that was it"
"I think you had a panic attack" he said. "I'm gonna cancel my parents coming, let's get you into bed" he tone was off. It worried me, I didn't want him to cancel, not for another minute
"I'm fine, don't cancel" I said
"You're not fine Alex, I just saw you. You were passed out in the shower, you're breathing was so shallow and your heart was racing"
"I just panicked. I want everything to be perfect. I want you to see your parents and I want to meet them and yes I want them to like me, but it's just a horrible reminder than my parents aren't here"
"You are perfect Alex, to me you are perfect and they will see that to" he put his head against mine and rubbed my back. Okay well that was just about the cutest thing anyone has ever said to me
"Please, let me get ready, I'll be okay. I promise"
"I'm not letting you out of my sight until I'm convinced"
"Well then you'll have to see me naked"
"I think I have done enough times. Besides, how do you think you got to here in your towel" he helped me up and stood in front of me with his hands on my arms. His brown chocolate eyes stared into mine, "tell me about them, maybe it will help"
"Who? My mum and dad?" He nodded. I don't ever speak about them. The pain is too much, maybe that's the problem. I never speak about anything. And I haven't had a panic attack for months. A year nearly.
"Only if you want to" he said. I sighed. As I got dried and dressed I started telling him.

"My mum and dad, before I was born they struggled so much to have a child. When the day finally come and I was born, everyone said they were the two happiest people in the world, and that's what it was like. My mums name was Grace, and my dads name was Mark. They were both from single child families, no brothers or sisters, they had plenty of friends though. My mum was the type to bake cakes with on the weekends and take me to ballet class. My dad was the one that had me watching formula one and football with him. We used to have family dinners every night, Saturdays were takeaway nights and we took it in turns to choose, every Sunday my mum cooked a roast dinner. We went on holidays every year, sometimes just to the coast for a couple of weeks in England, sometimes abroad. We did literally everything together, when I had friends at school, they always came round to my house. Mum would always make lemonade and snacks for us all. I never argued with my parents, not once. As I got older, I was 22, and I moved out of home and I missed them like crazy. But every night I would speak to mum on the phone, and every Sunday I would still go round to there's, watch the race and have Sunday dinner. They were both 52 when they died. They took a fishing trip, my dad begged my mum to go, and then something happened with the engine, I don't remember exactly there was a lot of big words used when they told me but I was in too much shock. They fell into the sea and that was it. They were found 3 days later. The day they were meant to be arriving back home. It haunts me that I'll never hear my mum laugh, I'll never see her scold my dad and him winning her over with a cheeky kiss, or hearing my dad shouting at the football" I finished off my hair and sorted out my makeup before turning around in the chair to face Daniel, but he was already standing behind me, he pulled me up and kissed my forehead.

"I wish I could of met them, they sound like truly wonderful people" he said softly, i nodded and he hugged me tight. I felt much better talking about them. I've spent so long trying to block it out as if it didn't exist, it wasn't healthy.
"Thank you for listening, let me get dressed and I'll be ready" he nodded
"I will always listen. I'll just go and get some drinks ready for when they arrive" he let go of me and I walked over to my suitcase to find some clothes. "Hey Alex?" He said, I turned and he was standing in the door way
"Yeah?"
"I love you" I smiled the biggest smile before telling him I loved him to.