Saint And Syre

Chapter 12

SAINT

The drive from the hospital to the house was filled with tension. I knew when we got home discussions were going to be had and I for one was not excited about it. The full force of my stupidity would be in full display. But in my defense it wasn't entirely my fault this whole family was to blame.

After a 40 minute drive we finally made it home. I walked into to house to find Syre, Iverson, Irah, Sinade and Imani with a welcome home sign. I wanted rest when I got home but I guess spending the day with my family could work for me.

***

Hours passed whe had a full day of bonding. Syre and I had a heart to heart which was really needed if I'm being honest. I got to know his side of the story but now it was my turn to tell my side and I thought it was only right to tell the whole family at once.

Our parents sent Nade and Mani to bed and everyone else gathered in the living room waiting. 5 minutes later our parents joined us in the living.

"Before we even start you'll are going to let this nigga talk from start to finish no fucking interruptions." My dad added.

"Okay" I exhaled.

"Growing up with a twin is hard everyone always compares you with the other and you'd think with us being so different people would get to appreciate us as individuals.

I never got to feel like an individual I was always Syre's shy and awkward twin and you as my parents made me feel even worse. It seemed like I was the unwanted child.

Everything you did revolved around Syre. His grades, the extra after school activities he did. His ability to sing and dance and I was just in the background. Whatever I did it was always 'ask Syre to show you how to do it better.' Imagine constantly hearing that everything you did could never be good enough.

From as long as I could remember to age 12 until one day you brought Thierry around and for the first time I felt seen. Thierry was the first friend I made outside of Syre and it was great. Needless to say those feelings of friendship changed to romantic feels and next thing I knew I was in love with Thierry.

I did everything I could to get Thierry to notice me romantically. I'd invite to go to the museum with me, the movies, the fair, the beach every date spot I could think of I made sure to go with Thierry. I guess I did everything except tell King that I liked him." I laughed at myself.

"After three years of chasing after Thierry I decided to take matters into my own hands. I was going to ask him out but I walked into that scene at the 7/11 and I was just so triggered.

Again something I liked and wanted was taken away from and in that moment my brain just went 'the thing that's common here is Syre. He's the one stealing all the attention away from'. Do you know how fucked it is to think like that especially towards your own twin brother.

Before that moment I was aware that it wasn't Syre's fault it was yours mom and dad but I needed something more tangible to blame and Syre was an easier target. I mean it should have been obvious.

Instead of your son coming to you to tell you they were beaten and raped they opted to rather hide, runaway and never share their pain with you. Which I believe says more about you as parent rather than me as your child." I shook my head and chuckled.

"I mean you didn't even bother to make sure we had healthy sibling relationships. I just felt like everyone was on their own and you guys to claim to be good parents. Either way I digress too much. When Syre returned everything changed. He was more with drawn and didn't perform as great as he used to and now all of a sudden you guys realized you had other children.

You noticed me more when I started dressing like Sy, speaking like Sy you actually acknowledged the talents I had now that Sy decided to do the bare minimum. I don't think anyone else noticed but I did.

You guys started spending more time at home and getting to know us which was something you never did before. You started including us in family activities but all of this came at a cost. Deep down inside I felt resentful of everyone. Why couldn't you have been good parents from the start.

It may seem like my feelings are juvenile but feeling like the forgotten child really hurt. I guess I took that hurt with projected it onto Syre and that lead me on this obsession of trying to hurt him when in reality I wanted to hurt you guys. My story is not as tragic as Syre's but it hurt me in a different way." I ended my rant.

Everyone was silent until my mother asked, "Did you all feel that way?"

Iverson and Irah responded with pretty much.

"I just felt alienated from my siblings. When they were out playing I was either studying, at practice, shooting movies and magazine covers and all that was too much. From the outside looking in I wanted to be them since they got less attention they were able to be kids while I felt like I had no childhood." Syre added.

"We have a lot of shit to unpack." Irah said before we all started laughing.

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