If This Won't Last ✅

Chapter 50

"Oh, Ruth? Saan ka pupunta?" Napalingon ako kay Mama na nakatingin sa akin habang bumababa sa hagdan. "Mukhang marami 'yang kinuha mo ngayon, ah?"

Nang tuluyan akong makababa, hinanap ko si Papa sa first floor. Nakita ko siya na nasa living area at nagtitipa sa laptop. Hindi man alng tumitingin sa akin. Ibinalik ko ang tingin kay Mama at bahagyang ngumiti bago pinuntahan si Papa sa living room.

"Papa . . ."

Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa akin pero hindi nagsalita. Naramdaman ko si Mama na sumunod sa akin pero tumabi siya sa p'westo ni Papa nang nakatayo.

"May ano?" tanong ulit ni Mama.

I know that Mama feels something odd the moment she opens the gate for me earlier. She knows me well. She's my mom, after all.

"Magpapaalam na po ako," I started.

Umawang ang bibig ni Mama kasabay ng pamumula ng mga mata niya.

"Aalis na po ako ng Manila. I won't be living in the city anymore."

Papa scoffed. "Ano na naman bang plano mong gawin? Sinasayang mo ang buhay mo, Ruth!"

I shook my head. "Babalik na po ako ng Bohol."

The moment I said that, Papa's face turned red out of his anger. His hand fisted and I knew that he's really angry right now.

"That's the only place I felt welcomed. The only place that made me feel the warmth of its salt air . . . for every time that the beach hugged my whole existence . . . it always made me feel like it is the place for me and nothing else anymore."

Hinampas ni Papa ang center table kasabay ng pagtayo niya. "Are you out of your mind, Ruth?!" he shouted that made me jump. "You're telling us all of these because you only want to be with that irresponsible man! Ano? Talagang itutuloy mo na ang pagiging kabit niya? Sisirain mo ang pamilya niya?!"

My tears immediately fell. Mama is crying too but she's not talking.

"Papa, hindi ako kabit! Kahit kailan, hindi ako naging kabit!" I cried more. "Isa sa mga rason kung bakit hindi ko na maramdaman ang buhay ko dito sa Manila . . . kasi yung mga taong inasahan kong maniniwala sa akin, kinasuklaman ako. Sinaktan ako. Hindi naniwala sa akin. Papa, if you only believed in me, if you only listened to me, I would never feel alone here. I would never feel that way. Pero hindi, Papa! I tried so hard to tell you that I was never a mistress . . . that I never harmed or ruined any family! In fact, they were the ones who pushed me to choose what I want!"

I wiped my tears away as I continued staring at talking in front of them.

"Papa, I know that it's hard to believe. May anak sila, oo. Pero maayos na ang sitwasyon nila. Grayson has been fulfilling his duties as a father to Lovely the moment I made them meet each other to talk and reconcile. I tried to make them reunite, Papa! Pero sila na ang umaayaw dahil matagal nang tapos ang kung ano mang namagitan sa kanila noon!" I sobbed. "Papa, bakit hindi n'yo kaya na makinig sa akin? Bakit yung mga taong pilit n'yong ipinagtatanggol laban sa akin . . . sila rin ang nagpu-push sa akin na gawin ang mga gusto at dapat kong gawin? Bakit hindi n'yo magawa na magtiwala sa akin, katulad ng ginagawa nila? This is the first time that I disappointed you and Mama but it felt like I ruined everything for something that is not even wrong at all."

Papa kept on panting as he listened to everything that I said while Mama's covering her mouth as she listened to me too. They were both now speechless so I continued talking.

"I'm leaving not because I'm angry nor I have hatred towards you for not listening to me . . . for not standing up for me. You were never the reason that I wanted to leave the city. This is what I should've done the moment I realized how great of a home Bohol was. Aalis ako . . . kasi hindi na ito ang buhay na gusto ko. I want to live on that island with the man I love. I want to be with him through everything that life has to offer us. I don't want to continue leaving here, thinking about what life would I have if I ever chose to be with him back then. Tapos na akong mag-isip doon."

I slightly shook my head before I continued talking.

"Right now, all I wanted was to be there for him. I'm at the right age to decide for myself. I'm twenty-seven and financially stable. I've been living independently for years and I know I can do it all even though you won't support me on this. Nagpaalam lang po ako sa inyo dahil sa kabila ng lahat, magulang ko pa rin kayo at mahal na mahal ko kayo . . . kaya dapat n'yo lang pong malaman kung anong mga gagawin ko sa buhay ko."

"Ruth, anak . . ." Mama said in her broken voice. "Ruth . . ."

I know that she wanted to come and hug me. I know my mom so well. I smiled at her.

"Mama . . . thank you. But this is the life I wanted and I am claiming this before it's too late."

"If you decide to step out of this door, don't you dare come back to us anymore!"

Napalingon kaming dalawa ni Mama sa sinabing 'yon ni Papa. Mabilis ulit na umagos ang mga luha ko. Tumingin siya sa akin nang masama.

"I did not raise you to be with a man who already had a daughter with someone else, Ruth! You're better than that! Sa tingin mo, kapag sinabi mo lahat ng 'yan sa amin ngayon, susuportahan ka namin?! Hindi! If you leave this house—if you leave Manila—you have no one to come back here to anymore!"

I cried more because of what he said but I expected it already. Papa usually hold grudges to someone who hurt him—did him wrong—and I know that I am part of the people who he holds grudges to.

I gulped as I wiped my tears before I answered him.

"I never planned on coming back here anymore. Kung sakali man na hindi na ako tanggapin ni Grayson sa buhay niya dahil huli na ang lahat, I will continue living my life there and start anew. Like I said, city life is not the life that I wanted anymore. Sa probinsyang 'yon, sa isla na 'yon, Papa, mas naramdaman ko ang buhay ko doon. Mas ramdam ko ang saya . . . ang kapayapaan . . . ang contentment na hindi ko naramdaman dito."

Hinawakan ko ang handle ng luggage bago tumingin ulit sa kanila.

"I hope you'll forgive me soon, for leaving and choosing what I want. I just want you to know, whatever happens, I loved you all with all of my heart . . . and I will keep on waiting until you forgive me."

After that, I pulled the luggage as I walked out of my parents' house. Rinig na rinig ko ang pagkabasag ng boses ni Mama at ang paglakas ng iyak niya. Nang makarating na ako sa double door sa harapan, naramdaman ko ang kamay niyang pumigil sa akin.

"Anak, 'wag ka na munang umalis. Bakit naman biglaan?" she said in between her sobs.

I smiled before I hugged her. "Mama, hindi po ito biglaan. Two months ko na po itong inaasikaso. Wala pong biglaan sa lahat ng desisyon ko ngayon."

"Anak . . . magagalit lalo ang papa mo!"

I tapped her back lightly. "I know. I prepared myself for that." Kumalas ako sa yakap at pinunasan ang luha ni Mama. "Thank you for staying with me after everything, 'Ma. I love you so much. I hope that you'll visit me in Bohol soon."

Bago pa ako lalong masaktan dahil sa pag-iyak ni Mama, tuluyan na akong lumabas ng bahay. Nagmadali na ako sa paglabas dahil sa bawat pag-iyak ni Mama, para akong sinasaksak nang paulit-ulit dahil sa sakit.

Nang sa wakas ay makarating ako sa sasakyan at makasakay sa driver's seat, I felt like I just let go of a huge excess baggage that I've been carrying for so long. I took a deep breath before I buckled my seatbelt and started the engine. I drove to the hotel room that I checked in before I leave for Bohol tomorrow. Since I gave the keys of the condo to Enzo back, I can't stay there anymore. Nasa hotel na ang mga gamit na dadalhin ko para sa pag-alis ko bukas.

As I thought of myself, travelling the plane and facing Grayson once again in that beautiful island, I can't help but to smile. My heart is beating so wild because of the excitement I am feeling!

Grayson . . . here I come.

I hope it's not yet too late.

I hope that you'll take me back.

I swear, this time . . . we will make this last.