Poetry Portfolio

5 Stages of Grief

While going through the five stages

Of grief, you aren't aware you're going through

Them until you're sitting in your therapists

Office explaining to her why you marked

A three on the homicidal question.

Of course, you would never kill anyone

But right now all you can think about

Is bursting out crying on her grey couch,

Walking to his residence hall, taking

The elevator up, knocking on his door

And punching him in the face.

So Angry that he is affecting

You the way he is.

What a switch that is. Last week

You couldn't get out of bed, debating

Whether or not your existence on this planet

Is needed if one 19-year old boy with daddy

Issues don't even want you. Last week

You actually did cry on this grey couch,

You cried when you told her you didn't

Feel like you deserved to be loved.

You cried on a park bench and in your best

Friends aunt's car when she said his name.

The week before that one, you were

Obsessed with self-care, telling yourself

That if you took enough bubble baths

And wasted your time away under

The excuse of self-love, one day

He'd knock on the door and tell you

He loved you. Bargaining

with whatever higher power exists

To be saved by this boy.

And the week before that you didn't

Even acknowledge the breakup.

Because it's not a breakup.

He said it was just a "break"

Which means he will come back

And when he does, we can grow

Past this, maybe even forget it even

Happened right? That will happen

Right?

This week when your therapist

Asked you if you'd take him back

You wanted to say yes, to finally

Give yourself some kind of peace

But as you sit there, on her gray

Leather couch, you finally didn't

Want to cry, or punch him in his face,

Or waste your time away, not

Acknowledging your heartbreak

Because he did break your heart.

And all of that anger and depression,

That bargaining and denial

Will lead you all the way to

Acceptance