BILLIE-HALES

Chapter 6

CHAPTER SIX

After a while of laying here, in shock, I felt my eyes drop a little. He's still caressing my face and my hair. Then he's moving his hand to my neck then over my shoulder moving up and down my arms. Oh lord, this causes me to shiver while goose-bumps cover my body.

"You. I mean, do you really think I don't see you?"
He waits for me to answer, but then takes my silence as a yes.
"Billie-Hales, I see you. I've seen the way you look at me. I've seen you look at me with those amazing greens looking all doe-eyed. I've seen you looking hot as fuck every time we go out. Even at college, I see you. I see you walk around alone sometimes with Norm, but mostly alone.
You want me to see you, but I guess it works both ways only because all the time that I'm seeing you, you're not seeing me.
Billie, you don't see how I look at you from across the room. I'm looking, but all you see is the man-whore and yeah I admit it I am one, but and I know this is no excuse, but you'd push me away. Every damn time I come anywhere close to touching you you'd run the opposite way. To be honest, I don't blame you. I don't because I've been a total dickhead. I've been a fool in denying this us."

Before he could finish, I place my lips on his. Hearing his words make me kiss him. I've no clue if it's him his words or the fact that I'm feeling so emotional right now? But it's making me lose my head and I end up kissing him. Holy mother, my heart's pounding in my chest, especially when he kisses me. It's my first kiss with him and it's perfect. it's amazing. He's pulling me closer when I wrap my legs around his waist. I'm desperate to get closer, but then he began to slow down.
Eventually slowing down to a stop and he pulled back, a little. We're both breathless, but what he says next, made those tears return.

"I-I've wanted to do that for a long time. I've wanted to touch you, to feel you. I've wanted to do that for what's felt like, a lifetime, but Billie. Sweetheart, I'm no good. I'm no good for you, you deserve better. So much better, than me.
I'm just not right for you. I've done some shit. Some really stupid shit. I've done stuff that I'll never want you to know about. Trust me, the girls who were there today. I think they're starting up a club to make my life hell."
He's grinning while I'm just lying here with my tears still falling.
"I deserve it, I deserve whatever I have coming, I guess I just don't want you to get hurt. Not by them or me.
Billie, baby, it will happen. Someday it will happen. I'll end up hurting you. I've been hurting you since we met. Every time that I'd fucked up I'd seen it, but you'd stayed you'd always stay you'd always come back for more.
I should've stopped it then, but I was too selfish, I enjoyed having you around. Even though, I knew I was hurting you I still kept you around. Trust me, as much as I'd love to be the one for you and as much as I'd love to make you mine completely. I know I can't I won't do it. I can't because you're worth so much more. I love you enough to leave you alone you know to find the one your true one.
Sadly, it's not me, I'm not the one. Trust me, Billie, if I was then I wouldn't have touched any of those other girls. I'd have made you mine as soon as I set my eyes on you. But what makes it all defined, what makes everything clear is that you ran to him. You ran into his arms without question. Even though, you'd just met him you ran to him and not me."

Now I know why he looks different. He looks different because he's just my friend. It's something I've always known, but like I say it was a crush a stupid crazy college girl crush. Being in his arms feels good right now, but being in Jaxon's arms feels like home.

***

The next morning, I wake to the sound of Zealie. He's softly snoring away, still wrapped in each other's arms. I'm watching him he looks so peaceful. However, while I'm doing so the nightmare events of yesterday begin floating back. They're breaking through my sleepy haze. Yes, I may have my friend back with me, but that's all he is a friend. I'm glad he's here with me though, only because I think if he wasn't Well, I think I'd have fallen into the abyss.