The Last Chance Book 2

Chapter 31

TW: Description of violence, blood and injury

After a little while Nat quietly says " I'm going to still sleep in the same room with P'Max. He's worried about me a lot and I know that he can help me if something bad happens like last night. However I think it's better to talk about my nightmare now or I won't be able to get myself to tell you later ". He gives Nat a small smile before leaning back on to the bench, watching as people walk right past them. Nat grabs onto his hand for comfort. So he gives it a gentle squeeze before Nat starts to tell him about the nightmare. " It was just me and you. We were walking on the beach similar to how we were but this time it was just us. Before we could even react there was people holding cloth over our mouths. You passed out and shortly after I did as well. When I woke up in my nightmare me and you were tied with rope. We were in this dark and dirty building. I could hear people laughing so I quickly tried to get free. While o was doing that you had woken up. You were immediately doing the same thing as me. However " Nat pauses. He can feel Nat's anxiety by the way his hand was shaking. So he grabs onto Nat's hand with both of his. " Once you had heard the laughter you told me to stop moving. You were shaking so much. I started to cry when the people laughing walked closer to us. You started shouting at them. It was Nate and the others. You were able to tell before they even said anything. Just like you did at the beach. They had kicked you hard in the chest before Tyler ". Nat was now holding back tears. He was holding in tears himself. " Before Tyler had dragged me by my hair towards them. You were screaming and they started to beat me so much. Just like what happened. Once they beat me to the point where It was hard to breath and I couldn't stand on my own they untied me with rope before going over to you and doing the same thing. When Tyler pulled out the knife he grabbed me and just as he was going to cut me Nate told him to kill you. And he did. Before they were going to kill me police sirens sounded like they were surrounding the building and so they ran away. Before my nightmare ended I held you in my arms while you died. My hands were covered in your blood. I-it felt so real. When P'Max woke me up I was crying so hard. I could barley tell him what happened because I was so freaked out from how real it felt. He held on to me for the rest of the night just trying to calm me down. It took 4 hours for him to calm me down. When I calmed down it was around 9:00 am. We spent another hour just talking. I begged him not to tell anyone. Especially not you NuNew. I knew you would be extremely worried about me because of this nightmare ". Nat was right. He is extremely worried. He's shocked that Nat has had a nightmare like that. He's never had a nightmare as bad as that one sounds. He would be terrified as well if he were to dream about that.
He doesn't know how to react or what to say about the nightmare that Nat has had. So he just pulls him into a tight hug. A few tears stream down his face. Nat wraps his arms around him, hugging him back. He can feel Nat grab tightly in to his shirt. He gently rubs circles on Nat's back to try and calm him down. Luckily it does. Because he still hasn't said anything. He doesn't even think he can say anything about the nightmare. It was horrible and no one should have a nightmare like that.
When he pulls away from the hug Nat doesn't let go of his shirt for a little bit. He gives Nat a small smile before turning to his side and grabs the crystal bag that contains the necklace. He pulls the Celestite crystal necklace from the bag. When he does he can see Nat watching him closely. So he turns to look at Nat before slowly putting the necklace on him. After he does, he gently wipes away the dry tears from Nat's face before wiping away his own.
Before anyone could say anything else everyone comes back outside of the store. When they all notice both of their red eyes they become scared.  Mostly Max, who rushes over to Nat worried. He's never seen Max this worried before.
" Are you ok Nat? Did something happen to you. Why did you cry ". He watches as Nat stands up and hugs Max. " I'm ok P'Max. I just told NuNew about it ". When Max hears this he immediately looks towards him before grabbing on to his shoulder. " NuNew, how are you after hearing this from Nat ". This question from Max takes him by surprise. This simple question makes him start to cry. Nat immediately turns around quickly and makes him stand before pulling him into a hug. The others look at them worried and confused. So Max explains to them everything that's happened. They all are holding back tears after hearing the full story. " Let's head back. We can always come back here another time " Zee says. They all nod before walking outside of the mall and back to their cars. He still hasn't said anything. Nat hasn't really talked at all since telling Max that he told him about the nightmare. Nat's still understandably nervous and upset from the nightmare. While he's incredibly upset and worried about how Nat saw that. He can't help but think that it's his fault for Nat seeing that in his nightmare. After all he was shouting to just kill him instead of hurting Nat.
Both of them staying silent or mostly silent the whole way home. Which worries everyone. By the time they get home his parents are outside waiting for them. He knows that one of them must have told them what had happened. His mother immediately goes over to comfort Nat while his father immediately comes over to him. He turns to look at Nat one last time before walking inside of the house.
Just as he enters the house he hears his father say " It's not your fault NuNew so please don't blame yourself ". This makes him stop walking immediately. He looks towards the ground for a moment. He wants to say that it is however he knows that it's useless. They wouldn't understand how he feels. So he just continues to walk inside and towards his room. When July sees him she immediately follows him. However he keeps her outside of his room. He wants to be completely alone. He doesn't want July to even be in the room. He doesn't want anyone to see him like this. Especially Nat after how horrible his nightmare was. He needs to clear his head. There's a small part of him that realizes that this is part of recovery for both him and Nat. He realizes that this is just the trauma making him think this way. It's not really his fault. However, most of him feels like it's his fault. That everything that's happened to Nat all started because of him. So this must be his fault as well. He's just messed Nat's life up.
When the door is closed he locks it. He can feel himself starting to lose control of his emotions again. Just like how he did back at the school. He hates himself. He keeps thinking about how horrible of a friend he is. How he's brought so much suffering to everyone. " Why am I thinking like this " he says while crying. He walks over to his desk. Placing his hands on top of the desk while leaning against it. " Take deep breaths dammit " he says to himself. " NuNew open the door please " he hears Zee. " Leave me alone Hia. I want to be alone " he shouts. He can hear Zee trying to open the door which only makes him angry. " Hia! I said I want to be alone " he shouts again. " NuNew you know we aren't going to do that " Zee shouts. In a fit of anger he shoves everything off of his desk. Creating a loud noise. " I hate this. Why am I thinking like this. I don't want these thoughts " he screams pulling at his hair. Trying to calm himself down. He's crying now. " NuNew open the door please " he hears Zee say in a pleading voice. He falls to the floor. He feels so defeated. He can't control the negative thoughts. It's like there's a voice screaming at him. Saying he's a horrible person.
" Guys the key to the room is in there with him. So we can't unlock the door " he hears someone shout right before someone tries to frantically open the door. He closes his eyes trying to shut everything off. He only opens them when he can feel his phone vibrating.
When he pulls his phone out of his pocket he sees that Nat is trying to FaceTime him. He takes a deep breath before answering the FaceTime call. He doesn't show his face. He doesn't want to show his red and puffy eyes to Nat. " NuNew please open the door for us. We are all incredibly worried. I'm worried about you. This is not your fault. Me having that nightmare is no way your fault " Nat says in a concerned voice. A sob escapes his mouth. " It's part of recovery but why is it like this. I can't stop blaming myself for everything " he says quietly. " NuNew please open the door for us. We want to help you ". He can feel himself start to cry hard again. " I want to be left alone. Why can't I be alone " he asks. " We heard a loud noise and need to check on you. I need to check on you please. I'm worried. Please NuNew " He can hear Nat crying which breaks his heart. He shows himself on the phone. He can see Nat's eyes widen. " NuNew " Nat whispers. He lowers his head and says " I'm sorry. I'm sorry " before hanging up the call. He forces him myself off the floor. He just stands still in the middle of the room. " I need these thoughts to stop. I don't want them to see me bad again. The court ended good. Why can't I be happy " he whispers in a defeated and angry voice.
When he hears his window opening he turns to look over to his window. When he does he sees Zee climbing through the window. He quickly looks down at the floor. He can hear Zee gasps. He guesses that Zee has now seen his desk with everything on the floor around it. He then hears his bedroom door opening. He sits back down on the floor. Holding his legs to his chest, laying his head down on his knees. After a while he feels someone gently grab on to his shoulder. Making him flinch for the first time in a while. When he looks up he sees Nat looking at him. He looks back down and whispers " I'm a horrible friend. A horrible boyfriend. A horrible son. I hate myself ". He hears Nat sit down in front of him as well as another person next to him, who he assumes is Zee. " Why do you think that. Tell us what's going through your head please " Nat asked in a pleading voice. " A small part of me knows these thoughts are because of the trauma, but there's a large part of me that's just believing these thoughts. My mood changes so quickly still. I was so happy and then everything just completely became the opposite " he says quietly. " Why do you think that you are a horrible son, friend and boyfriend NuNew " he hears Tommy ask. He stays silent for a while before saying " Because everything that's happened started with me. It's all my fault. It's my fault my parents have suffered for so long. It's my fault that I constantly worry Hia. It's my fault you all have to go through so much. It's my fault that P'Max got stabbed. It's my fault that Nat had PTSD. It's my fault Nat has had that nightmare. It's my fault I can't control my thoughts. It's my fault I can't be a good person and recover like everyone thinks ". The room becomes silent for a while. Eventually Jimmy says " None of that is true. You are recovering a lot more than you think. Everyone has bad days. Your thoughts are because of your trauma. None of what you are thinking is true ". He looks over to Jimmy. " How can you be so certain about this P'Jimmy. You sound so certain but this voice keeps yelling at me saying all these horrible things are my fault " he says. " You said you were a horrible person. That's far from the truth. For example at the crystal shop " Jimmy says. Everyone around them is confused. So Jimmy continues and says " You immediately went inside and asked for Celestite crystals because they help with depression and anxiety. You went in there looking for a crystal to help Nat because you knew he was struggling. You told me yourself how you wanted to help Nat. You were so excited to get him a crystal because it could help him. You were so happy to show me the necklace. You didn't have to buy him anything to help him but you did it anyways. And you did it so happy to help him. That alone proves that you are a good person NuNew ". He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. When he opens his eyes he forces himself off of the ground. He almost falls but catches himself. He then walks over to his bed and picks up the bag from the mall. He then takes out the crystal necklace and looks at it. He feels someone gently grab onto his shoulder. He realizes that it's Jimmy when he says " You are never to blame for anything that's happened to you or anyone else involved. You're an incredible and kind person NuNew ". He turns around to look at Jimmy. He starts to cry again. " P'Jimmy " he whispers before hugging him. Jimmy quickly hugs him back. He can hear everyone sigh in relief. " Why can't I be happy when we won " he whispers. Jimmy pats his back and says " You are still in the early stages of recovery. We might have won but you now are focused on recovery. You have just started the long journey to recovery ". He pulls away from the hug and says " Thank you P'Jimmy " in a quiet voice. Jimmy just smiles at him. Nat then walks over to him.

Word Count: 2537

When someone is trying to recover their mood can change in an instant. Other people trying to recover can unfortunately make other people who are trying to recover have a hard time.