Long Away

Chapter 14

Rain was falling from the murky sky when Ben stepped out of the shop. Despite the cold downpour, he decided to walk. He needed as much time to think as he could get before he would have to face Roger. With his hands buried in his pockets, he trudged down the mostly empty street. Ben didn't know what he was supposed to do. He didn't want to take away the future, the family Roger would have had without him. But then again, how would he explain himself? He couldn't just dump him for seemingly no reason.

A lump formed in his throat. He desperately wished he could ask somebody for advice, but there was no one he could talk to about this. Freddie clearly didn't understand why messing with timelines was a bad idea, and he wasn't that close with Brian. Even if he let him in on his secret, this probably wasn't something he should go to him with. Ben felt like the only people who could help him in this situation were Joe and Gwil. If only there was a way for him to talk to them.

Before he reached his block, Ben stopped by a little grocery store. He wasn't sure if they had everything at home that he needed for the soup he had promised Roger. The least he could do was nurse him back to full health before shattering his hopes. He took one of the shopping carts that stood outside of the building.

Absentmindedly swiping strands of wet hair out of his face, he went inside. As he browsed the isles for the ingredients, he thought about what would be the least hurtful way to let Roger down. One thing was clear, he had to do it as soon as possible. But after he had just asked him on another date this morning, he couldn't just say that he wasn't interested anymore. But maybe he could say that he wanted to take things more slowly?

Ben let out a frustrated sigh. Even just the thought of that was painful to him. He liked Roger a lot, and he wanted him to know it. But it was just a given fact that Roger would have a better life without him interfering. Ben pushed his thoughts away when a wave of sadness threatened to overwhelm him. He was not about to break down crying in the middle of the damn vegetable isle. He hurried up to grab everything he needed and get out of here.

Ben entered the apartment and placed the groceries on the kitchen counter. He quickly put everything in the fridge that needed cooling. When he was done, he looked over to Roger's room. This was it. The moment he had been dreading. He took a deep breath before knocking on the door. The sooner he got this over with, the better. He got no answer, so he knocked again. Still nothing. He cracked the door open and peaked inside. Roger seemed to just have woken up. He blinked sleepily at Ben, a soft smile forming on his face.

"Hey." His voice was weak, hardly more than a whisper. Ben was surprised to find him looking even more sickly than this morning. His skin was pale like a sheet of paper, and his eyes barely opened. Ben rushed to his side to feel his temperature.
"Jeez, I think your fever has gone up," he said. His gaze wandered to the empty glass on the bedside table.
"Please tell me you had more to drink than what I brought you this morning?"
"Not really," Roger admitted. Ben shook his head at him.
"I'm guessing that means you also didn't eat anything?"
"No." It started to dawn on Ben that this was probably not a good time to say anything about taking a step back from dating.
"I'll bring you another water." He grabbed the empty glass and went to the kitchen to refill it. When he came back, Roger was sitting propped up against the headrest of his bed. It worried Ben a little that he couldn't even sit normally.

"Are you sure you don't want to go to a doctor?", he asked when he gave him the water. Roger took a small sip before shaking his head.
"No, it's fine, really."
"You don't look fine."
"Thanks. You're too kind," Roger joked.
"You know what I mean."
"I really don't need to see a doctor. Like I said, I get this sometimes. It'll be over in a day or two, please don't worry."
"Fine. I'll at least make you something to eat though," Ben said. Roger looked away as if he was uncomfortable.
"You really don't have to. I don't want to be a bother."
"What makes you think you're a bother?", Ben asked, taken aback. Roger shrugged.
"I don't know. I just don't want you to do so much for me and then get tired of it so you don't want to date me anymore," he rambled. He paused, shaking his head at himself.
"I'm probably not making any sense right now. That wouldn't happen, right?"

His words sent a sting through Ben's chest.
"No... of course I wouldn't get tired of caring for you," he uttered evasively. Roger locked eyes with him, smiling cutely.
"You're sweet," he whispered. Ben forced himself to smile back.
"I better start cooking then," he said. "Do you need anything else right now?"
"Well, there is one thing that would make me feel better," Roger said.
"What is it?"
"Can I get another kiss?" Ben hesitated, holding his breath. Roger looked up at him with big eyes.
"Pretty please?" 
"Sure." Ben leaned in and gave him a fleeting peck on the cheek. It was hard to resist the urge to kiss him more passionately. The lovestruck look on Roger's face only made it worse.
"I like you," he said. Ben avoided his gaze.
"You should get some more sleep," he murmured. Without looking back, he left the room, hoping Roger didn't take note of the tears that had started to form in his eyes.

***
Hey guys. I'm not gonna lie, this chapter was a bit painful to write. But hey, at least it wasn't the worst part yet... That doesn't really make it better, does it? Eh, whatever. I'll see you next time!

Tay