Long Away

Chapter 47

A few months went by before Roger finally got the call that his therapy would begin soon. He and Ben had been rehearsing a version of his story that was not going to get either of them outed to the therapist. They figured it would be for the best. At least for now.
Ben had the feeling that Roger was already doing a bit better. They hadn't heard from Emma again, and Roger was enjoying himself much more as a biology student. It was now less frequent to see him anxious or withdrawn.

But right before his first therapy appointment, he started to show the same signs of discomfort again that Ben had gotten all too familiar with. As promised, he accompanied him for emotional support. They were now sitting in the waiting room together. To their relief, they were the only ones early for their appointment. This gave them a chance to quietly talk to one another without having to keep up the image of platonic friends.

"How do you think this will go?", Roger asked for at least the third time today. Ben intertwined their hands and answered calmly.
"They will just ask you questions. You don't have to answer them if you don't want to. If anything goes wrong, we will leave. You have nothing to worry about. I promise."
Roger nodded, probably more to convince himself that Ben was right, rather than actually agreeing with him.

On a small table on the other side of the room was a stack of magazines.
"Do you want to read something?", Ben suggested. Some distraction couldn't hurt.
"Sure," Roger mumbled.
Ben went to grab each of them a magazine. They were all health related, and probably not all that interesting, but better than nothing. He flipped through the pages until an article caught his attention. It was something about brain tumors. Ben squinted his eyes. Something about this felt strange. Like a word on the tip of his tongue, there was a memory somewhere in the back of his brain that wouldn't come to him. Something important.

They had waited for about twenty minutes when the previous patient walked out of the therapist's office. Ben and Roger looked up when a middle aged man stepped into the waiting room.
"Roger Taylor?"
"That would be me," Roger confirmed. He looked at Ben when he stood up from his chair.
"Is it alright if my friend comes with me?"
"If you would prefer that for now, sure. But long term, it will be better if you could attend our appointments alone."

"Of course. It's just for now," Roger said.
"My name is Benjamin Jones by the way," Ben introduced himself.
"Nice to meet you. I am Dr. Murphy."
They followed the doctor into his office. He gestured to a sofa across from his desk.
"Please, take a seat."
Ben sat down next to Roger, keeping just enough distance so it hopefully wouldn't raise suspicion. He wondered if any other people actually came here with their friends. Probably not. They would have to be very careful.

Once Dr. Murphy was seated behind his desk, he grabbed a pencil and a notebook from a drawer, before returning his attention to Roger.
"So, Mr Taylor. First, we will discuss what you are here for and what you are hoping to achieve working with me."
Roger hesitated, and Ben had to stop himself from instinctively reaching for his hand. Instead, he gave him a reassuring glance. Roger took a deep breath.

"I decided to seek help because I have been sexually assaulted several times in the past."
Dr. Murphy took notes, his expression as blank as before. Ben didn't like how unimpressed he seemed. Sure, he probably dealt with topics like this a lot, but how hard could it be to show at least a little bit of empathy?
As the conversation went on, Ben caught himself getting distracted more and more. He was still thinking about that article. What was it that he was forgetting?

Eventually the appointment came to an end. Roger scheduled a new one for the following week. On their way home, Ben was beginning to get frustrated. Why couldn't he just remember?
"Is everything alright with you?", Roger asked after they had been walking in silence for a while.
"Oh yeah, sure," Ben murmured. He realized himself that it didn't sound very convincing.
"What did you think of the guy?", he quickly changed the subject.

Roger shrugged.
"He seems fine. I don't know. It's not like I have any reference of a therapist to compare him to."
"Can you see yourself working with him?", Ben asked.
"Or would you rather find someone else?"
"I'll definitely go to the next appointment. After that, we'll see. But I don't feel like being put on another waiting list, so I will try to make this work."

Ben nodded absentmindedly.
"Sounds like a plan."
Roger stopped in his tracks.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
Ben thought for a second. He had been trying to keep conversations about anything related to his past to a minimum. But he didn't want to lie either.
"Can we talk when we get home?", he asked.
A concerned look flashed over Roger's face.
"Sure," he said quietly.

As soon as they entered their house, Roger picked the conversation back up.
"Did I do something wrong?", he burst out.
"Oh, no, it has nothing to do with you," Ben quickly explained.
"I'm sorry it came across that way."
He felt bad he got so caught up in his thoughts he didn't even realize Roger must have been worried the whole time.

"Okay, good." Roger sounded relieved. He followed Ben into the living room, where they got comfortable on the sofa.
"So, what is on your mind, love?"
"Remember I told you how I get these flashes of memories sometimes?" Ben began.
"From right before I ended up here?"
Roger nodded.

"Well, when we were in the waiting room, something in that magazine I was reading triggered something in my brain. And that has already happened once before, when I was in the hospital. It feels like there's memories there that I can't access. Like I'm forgetting something. And I can't shake the feeling that it is important."

Roger was silent for a while, thinking.
"Do you think there's any way to help you remember what happened more clearly?"
Ben shrugged.
"If I knew that..."
"Is there anything else I can do for you?", Roger wanted to know.
"I guess it's best if I take my mind off it for now. It's not like this is getting me anywhere," Ben said.
"Do you want to order takeout and watch a movie?", Roger suggested.
"Sure. That sounds good."