Long Away

Chapter 56

Joe was pacing up and down in front of the locked car. He was struggling not to break out in tears, but he didn't want to give the other people in the parking lot another reason to stare at him. He had his arms crossed in front of his chest, digging his fingers into the fabric of his coat. His breathing, despite his best efforts to calm down, was still unsteady. What was wrong with the world lately? Wasn't it all enough? Did everyone really need to be punished even more?

When he looked over to the hospital entrance, he saw Rami and Gwil coming his way. He forced himself to stop his pacing and waited for them. He looked at them apologetically.
"Hey, it's okay." Rami opened his arms and, albeit a bit hesitant, Joe sunk against his chest.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
"You have nothing to be sorry for," Gwil assured him. Rami's hand was rubbing up and down his back.
"We understand," he said.
"Just tell us you're okay?"

Joe took a step back, lowering his head to avoid looking into his friends' eyes.
"I don't know if I am. I need to see him," he answered truthfully.
"Dr. Hidgens said I would get a call as soon as we can," Gwil told him.
"And I know you want to be with him right now. We all do. Unfortunately we don't have that option. But we will be there for each other, and we will get through this together. Okay?"

Joe swallowed. He was far too overwhelmed to find comfort in Gwil's words, but also too exhausted to continue this conversation.
"I guess," he mumbled half-heartedly.
"Joe? Can you please look at me?"
Reluctantly, Joe lifted his head. The frowns on Gwil and Rami's faces told him that he hadn't been able to hold back his tears completely.
"Can we please just leave? I can't stand being here without..." Joe's voice gave out before he could finish his sentence. Gwil nodded slowly.
"Of course."
Without question, Rami got in the backseat next to Joe. He however spent the whole drive staring out the window and into the nothingness passing by.

The rest of the day, Joe retrieved into his guestroom. Gwil and Rami tried to convince him to come outside to talk or at least eat something a few times, but Joe refused. He just wanted to sleep and escape reality. Even though he wasn't able to fall asleep, he didn't leave the bed for hours. It only seemed fair. Why should he get to be okay while Ben wasn't?

It had been a while since anyone had last checked in with Joe. Just when he allowed himself to hope that they had given up, another knock on the door made him groan. He didn't bother answering, and instead turned to face the wall. After a few seconds, Gwil came inside.
"Joe?" Hesitantly, he walked over to him and sat down at the edge of the bed.
"Can we please talk? I just want to know what's on your mind."
"Isn't that obvious?", Joe asked.
"No, not really," Gwil admitted.
"Rami and I are disappointed too, you know? And I know why it's even harder for you to accept, but we will see him soon. So no, I don't fully understand what's going on with you right now."

"Why are you so sure we will?", Joe mumbled.
"What do you mean?"
"That we will get to see him again."
"Joe, you heard what the doctor said. He just needs a few more surgeries. They're taking care of him. He will be okay."
"We don't know that." There was a shift of intensity in Joe's voice that surprised even himself.
"Last week they said he would be okay now, but he's not. They found more injuries, so what if there's still something else they missed? What if the surgeries go wrong? There's still so much that could happen. What if he doesn't make it?"

When Gwil remained silent, Joe finally turned around to face him. In his eyes Joe could see he was desparetly searching for the right words.
"There's nothing you could say that would make me worry any less," he said.
Gwil swallowed.
"I know."
He slowly got up from the bed and took a few steps towards the door, before changing his mind and turning around again.

"Would you at least consider joining Rami and me for dinner? You haven't eaten since this morning and we're honestly worried about you."
"I'm not sure I could eat much," Joe admitted.
"Please? At least try to eat something. It doesn't have to be much, I just don't want you to go to bed with an empty stomach. Especially after a day like this."
Joe really didn't want to, but the pleading tone in Gwil's voice made him feel guilty.
"I'll be downstairs in a bit," he sighed.
"Thank you."
Joe waited for the sound of the door closing before sitting up. He took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how yet, but he somehow had to convince Gwil and Rami that he was okay. They had enough to worry about already. He wasn't going to be a burden on them.