Long Away

Chapter 35

Over the course of the next month, Ben spent a lot of his free time with Freddie and Brian to research together. Sometimes Deaky joined them as well. With his help, they had been able to find other sources that validated the unauthorized chapters that were of interest to them. Furthermore, the lectures in Brian's course now covered this exact topic, and Ben was able to attend them with him as an auditor.

However, they now had multiple possible theories that could explain how Ben ended up here, and none about how he would be able to get back. Not that Ben knew what he would choose once the option was there, but he didn't want to give up now that they had come so far. This was another reason why Ben still couldn't bring himself to tell Roger about his secret.

On one evening, Ben was walking home after a lecture. He decided to go the long way to pick Roger up from work. When he arrived at the store, Freddie was just switching the sign at the door to 'closed'.
"Hey, Fred," Ben said as he walked up to him. Freddie turned around, surprise written on his face.
"Oh, hey Ben. Did Roger send you to help me close up?"
Ben furrowed his brow.
"Er... What do you mean? Is he not here?"
Freddie shook his head.
"No, he's not, he took a day off. Didn't he tell you that?"

This was equal parts confusing and concerning to Ben. Before he left the house, Roger seemed to have the intention to go to work.
"No. Did he say why?"
Freddie shrugged.
"He just said he needed a break. Couldn't get more out of him."
Ben scratched the back of his head.
"That is strange. Anyway, do you need help with anything before I go home?"
"That would be nice. It was quite a busy day."

Freddie let Ben inside and they finished up together. Once they were done, Ben went straight back home. He really wanted to know what was up with Roger.
Ben opened the door. It was strangely quiet in the apartment.
"Honey?", he called. When he got no answer, his mind immediately went back to the incident with Emma last month. He hurried out to the garden, but this time nobody was there.

This put him at ease a little. He went to check in the bedroom next. It was dark inside, the blinds drawn shut. Ben's eyes needed a moment to adjust before he could make out Roger's silhouette on the bed.
"Darling? Are you awake?", Ben whispered.
Roger stirred under his blanket. A tired hum was the only answer he gave.
Ben sat down next to him.
"Are you okay?", he asked. Roger shrugged.

"Rog, what is wrong?" Worry sounded in Ben's voice.
"Nothing," Roger mumbled into the pillow.
"If it was nothing you wouldn't have skipped work. Please talk to me. Are you sick?"
Roger slightly shook his head.
"Then what is it?"
Another shrug. Ben was beginning to feel helpless.

"Hun, if you don't talk to me I don't know how to help."
"I told you it's nothing," Roger grumbled.
"Yeah right. How long have you been laying here for?", Ben questioned. His patience was wearing thin. This time Roger showed no reaction at all. Ben sighed, and got up from the bed.
"Alright then, have it your way. I'll be in the kitchen, making dinner. After I was in class and helped Freddie. Which was supposed to be your job."

He closed the door behind himself and went into the kitchen, where he was met by the next unpleasant surprise. Before he had left for class, he had made lunch for Roger and himself. As he was running late, he had asked his boyfriend to clean up. Instead, he had made an even bigger mess.

Annoyed, Ben flounced back into the bedroom.
"Rog, what is this?", he snapped.
"What?", he sighed.
Ben turned on the light. Roger still had his face buried in his pillow.
"At least look at me when I'm talking to you?", Ben asked. Reluctantly, Roger sat himself up.
"What is it?", he asked again.
Ben rolled his eyes.
"You should know. I'm not the one who said he would clean up the kitchen."
"Oh," Roger mumbled.
"I'm sorry. I forgot."

"How do you forget that when you clearly have been adding to the mess while I was gone?", Ben challenged him.
"Have you even done anything all day other than eat and sleep?"
"I said I'm sorry. No need to talk to me like that," Roger defended himself.
"Well, if nothing is wrong like you said, you don't really have an excuse for this, do you?"

Roger glared at him angrily.
"Okay, fine. You are right. Something is wrong. And not just since today. But of course you don't notice anything until it becomes an inconvenience to you."
"What is that supposed to mean?", Ben spat back.
"If you don't talk to me, what am I supposed to do? I don't know if you knew this, but I can't read minds."
Roger looked away, his shoulders rising and sinking visibly with each heavy breath he took.

"Normally you would have noticed." His voice was beginning to shake.
"You used to pay so much more attention to how I was feeling. I thought moving here would bring us closer together, but somehow you have even less time for me now. You're always out with Freddie and Brian and Deaky. And you don't ever ask me to come along. You're not there and you're taking my friends away from me."

He wiped a tear from his cheek. Ben was taken aback. How did he not realize what he was doing this whole time?
"Sweetie? I'm sorry," he stammered.
"I really messed up. You are right, I was not paying enough attention to your feelings. I have been very distracted recently. And that is not an excuse, I know. Please, tell me how I can make it up to you?"

"Stop leaving me out," Roger said sternly. Ben hesitated. He didn't know how to explain himself without saying too much. But then another tear ran down his boyfriend's face and he knew that that should not be his biggest concern right now.
"I can promise you that I will make more time for you. But the boys and I have been doing something that we are still going to need time for too."
"And what is it that you are doing that I can't join in with?", Roger questioned.

Ben swallowed.
"I... Can't say."
"Why not?"
"Because I'm afraid of what you will say." Roger silently looked at Ben. Something in his eyes had changed.
"What is it, sweetheart?", Ben asked quietly.
"I think I know what this is about," Roger said. His tone was suddenly cold.
"You and Freddie... Ben, are you cheating on me?"

Ben's jaw dropped.
"No! Of course not! Why would you think that?"
Roger looked away. Tears were forming in his eyes again.
"I mean... I know I haven't... I... I'm not...", he stammered. His breath was shaking.
"I know I'm not giving you what you want. I would almost understand it if you were sleeping with him instead. Please, just be honest."

Ben slowly walked towards him. Now he was close to tears himself.
"Sweetheart... My precious darling. I would never cheat on you. Not for any reason, and certainly not because of this."
He sat down at the edge of the bed. Roger scooted away from him. It was like a stab in the chest.
"Roger, I am in love with you. I don't care how long I have to wait, I will. I don't want anyone else. Not romantically and not sexually. The thought never even crossed my mind since our very first date."

"Tell me what you were really doing then," Roger demanded. Ben wanted to tell him, now more than ever. But what was he supposed to say? That he was trying to find a way to leave, just in case he wanted to do that some day?
"I am sorry. But I can't tell you."
Roger looked at him, his blue eyes piercing, and full of pain.
"Then how do you expect me to believe you?"

His words sent Ben's tears streaming down his face.
"You have to... Please."
Roger shook his head.
"You are lying. I don't know if you cheated or if you are keeping something else from me, but either way you are lying. I think it's better if you go."
Panic rose in Ben's chest.
"Rog, I-"
"I said go!"
The sharpness in his voice made Ben flinch. Crying, he stood up and walked to the door.
"And don't come back until you have an explanation. A good one."

***
Hey guys! How is everyone doing?
I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it. And don't worry, the story gets even more fun from here! I'm very excited for the next two weeks' chapters in particular. I'll see you then!

Tay