Long Away

Chapter 45

Ben drew in a sharp breath. He looked over his shoulder to make sure no passersby were going to see them, before wrapping his arms tightly around Roger.
"I'm so sorry. I promise you, whatever you did, I'm not mad at you. But can you please tell me?"
"Can we go home first?", Roger asked quietly.

"Of course," Ben said, and helped him to stand up. By the paleness of his face, and the way he clung onto him, Ben could tell that his boyfriend was in desperate need of some water and rest. In any other situation, he would have made him lay down to sleep as soon as they got home, but now he had to make sure nothing serious had happened first.

They slowly but steadily made their way back home. Ben held on to Roger so his tumbling wouldn't be too obvious to anyone who saw them. All the while, his mind was racing. After learning that Roger hadn't been able to tell her off, Ben wasn't sure how to estimate Emma's intentions at all. Maybe she wouldn't have done the same thing if she knew Roger wasn't comfortable. Then again, she clearly didn't care enough to ask, and judging by Roger's condition, nothing good could have happened today.

Roger immediately collapsed on the sofa once they were inside. Ben fetched him a glass of water from the kitchen, before sitting down next to him.
"Drink up, love," he said, wrapping an arm around Roger's shoulders. He waited patiently until he was ready to talk.

"So, my lecture was already over when she approached me on the hallway," Roger began. Ben ran his hand up and down his back to soothe him.
"She said she just wanted to talk. She sounded like she was sorry. I didn't know what else to do, so I said we could. But she wanted us to talk in private. So, she lead me to this empty hallway. I was worried about being alone with her, but I thought, since somebody could come by at any moment, she wouldn't do anything."

Roger's voice began to tremble. He had to take a few deep breaths before he could continue.
"It's okay, take your time," Ben said softly, while still rubbing his back.
"At first she was talking about how she had feelings for me, and thought they were mutual because of all the signs I supposedly gave her. I didn't really want to listen to all that, so I thought I might aswell eat my lunch."

Ben froze. He had a feeling he knew what was coming.
"Oh no..."
Roger nodded, confirming his thought.
"The note fell out and she saw it."
"I'm so sorry," Ben stammered.
"I should have thought about that..."
"It's not your fault," Roger interrupted him.
"It was a sweet note. She didn't like it very much though. She almost yelled at me about how she never thought I was gay. I tried to get her to calm down, because of course I didn't want anyone to hear her. And then I messed up."

Tears dwelled up in his eyes. Ben pulled him closer, feeling him shake.
"Darling, what happened?"
"I'm sorry," Roger whispered.
"I am not proud of it, but I tried to deny our relationship. I said I didn't know why you wrote that note. I didn't know what else to do. If anyone finds out, then who is going to buy our album?"
"Hey, that's okay. I know why you did that, and I'm not mad," Ben tried to calm him down.
Roger swallowed.
"But then she told me to prove it. That I'm not gay."
"What?" Ben's voice went up by an octave.

"She said she'd tell everyone that we're dating if I didn't... please her." He could barely get out the last words.
Ben clenched his fists tightly. A gush of insults balled up in his throat, but he forced himself to stay calm until Roger had finished his story. He swallowed.
"What did you tell her?", he asked, afraid of the answer he expected to get.

"Nothing," Roger said.
"I just left. I know I should have done something to stop her from telling people about us, but I panicked. I'm sorry."
Ben let out a relieved sigh.
"Oh thank god."
Roger looked at him with confusion written on his face.
"I'm so glad you didn't let her take advantage of you," Ben said.
"You did the right thing."

Roger shook his head.
"No. I should have done something. Not what she asked of me, but something. Don't you see what this means? I jeopardized Queen's future."
"You did no such thing," Ben assured him.
"People knew about Freddie, and that didn't get in the way of your success."
"You told us they didn't find out until we were already famous. Well, now we're not," Roger snapped.

"Nobody is even going to give us a chance. Nobody is going to buy an album or go to a concert when all they know is that that band consists of a bunch of queers. Maybe in the future that's different, but not now. I messed up everything."
"Hey." Ben wiped a single tear from Roger's cheek with his thumb.

"Listen to me. You did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. Okay? Whatever comes next, whatever she decides to do, we'll deal with it together. No matter what happens, we will find a way to fix it. Trust me, darling. I've seen what you four are capable of, and I know that nothing could ever hold you back. And I'm going to help wherever I can. I'll always be there for you. I promise."

Roger rested his head on Ben's shoulder.
"Thanks," he murmured. His voice was quiet from exhaustion. For a while, they sat like this in silence. Truthfully, Ben wasn't sure if what he just said wasn't a series of empty promises. Roger did have a point. If people found out, what were they supposed to do? They had to find a way to deal with Emma, before it was too late.

***
Hey guys!

Is that boss music I hear? Guess we'll find out in the next chapter.
See you all then!

Tay