Long Away

Chapter 68

TW: self harm

"And what happened then, Mr. Mazzello?" 
Joe shifted uncomfortably in his seat. The cheap fake leather underneath him made an irritating squeaking noise. Going over everything that had happened again was more draining than he had expected. This was only the third time he was seeing his new therapist, Dr. Houston.
"He continued to lie and bad-mouth Gwil. So I saw no other option than to end our friendship."

"And that was how long ago?"
"About five months."
It was the strangest thing to him. Time seemed to have no meaning anymore, was completely incomprehensible. Five months without Rami after ten years of friendship. It felt like their fight had just happened yesterday, and at the same time the first weeks after had drawn themselves out endlessly. Even now, Joe regularly caught himself reaching for his phone to text Rami when something reminded him of his now former best friend.

"Okay... And for those five months you've only had your friend Gwilym to support you?" Dr. Houston didn't bother to look up from the notepad on his lap as he spoke. His pen flew across the page at an impressive pace.
"Well, I do still contact my family in the US, but in person it's only been Gwil and I, that is true. We've been fending for ourselves." Joe chuckled. It was a habit he had picked up on to lighten up the conversation whenever it got too depressing. Its effectiveness was questionable.

"Don't you think it would be better to have a larger support system? It is not healthy to only rely on one person." Now the therapist lifted his head, closely inspecting what little he could see of Joe's facial expression.
"What's that supposed to change?", Joe challenged him.
"That's exactly what I had- a group of friends who would have done anything for each other. Who loved each other. At least I thought so..." Joe shook his head.
"No, I know so. It was true once. But that only makes it worse. There's no guarantee anything will last. If you have more people to rely on, you just have more people to lose."

"That's one way of looking at it," Dr. Houston sarcastically mumbled under his breath. Joe probably wasn't supposed to hear it.
He finished taking notes, before checking his watch.
"Our session is almost over again. Is there anything else you wanted to discuss today?"
Joe hesitated. Should he? Probably. But did he want to?
"No, there is nothing else."

Joe unlocked his car and collapsed into the driver's seat. His hands were shaking when he removed his face mask. He had been a mess for weeks, and keeping himself calm around other people had turned into a huge challenge. Tomorrow was the last time he would get to be with Ben. The day after, only his family was allowed to be in the room when the doctors would shut off the machines keeping him alive. Joe had been in a consistent loop of panic and disbelief ever since they announced the date.

The ringing of his phone brought him back to reality. When he took it out of his pocket, he saw Gwil's name light up on the display. Joe had told him when he would be done with therapy for the day, and he probably wanted to check in. Still shaking, it took Joe two attempts to swipe to accept the call.
"Hey Gwil."
"Hi. Joe, there's a biiigproblm."
Joe had to suppress a sigh.
"Buddy, how drunk are you?"
"Hm? Oh. Very. Anyway, I reeeally need to talk to you but I don't know if thassa good idea..."
"What do you mean?"
"Y'know what, just forget I said anything, okay?"

"No Gwil, wait! Where are you?"
"Just on the floor."
"What floor? Are you at home?"
Gwil dropped his phone on whatever floor he was talking about.
Joe raised his voice.
"Gwil? I'm coming to your house now. Do not go anywhere."
"No, wait!" Joe flinched as Gwil yelled into the speaker.

"I did something bad and I don't want you to get mad or scared so can you just pretend you don't remember I said anything?"
"No."
Gwil groaned.
"I promise whatever it is, I won't be mad, okay? And I'm more worried if I can't check in on you," Joe tried to pursuade him. He started the car and kept Gwil on speaker during the ride to make sure he was safe.

He pulled into the driveway and parked his car next to Gwil's.
"I'm here now, can you come to the door please?"
"Uh... There's a key under the doormat, can you let yourself in? Walking is hard right now."
"Sure."
Joe locked his car and hurried to the door. The key was where Gwil had said.
He ended the call and stepped into the hallway.

"Gwil?", he called out.
"Over here." Gwil's voice came from the direction of the living room, and sounded even more dead-beat in person. Unsure what to expect, Joe stepped into the room. His jaw dropped when his eyes fell on Gwil, cowering on the floor with his phone next to him. He was pressing a blood-drenched tissue up against his arm, all color was drained from his face, and he looked up at Joe with watery eyes.

"Oh my god, Gwil!" Joe rushed towards him.
"What happened?"
"Well..." His guilty expression spoke volumes.
"Gwil..." Joe shook his head.
"Let me take a look please."
"It's not that bad, just some scratches."
"Then you can let me see it," Joe demanded.
Reluctantly, Gwil retrieved the tissue from his arm. Several red lines tore through his skin, but to Joe's relief they really weren't deep. The bleeding had already stopped, and the wounds looked clean.

"Okay... Do you want me to call you an ambulance or-"
Gwil shook his head.
"No."
"Or are you calling your boyfriend to tell him what happened?"
"No. I don't need anything."
"Yes you do."
"Joe, please. If I go to the hospital like this..." He gestured at himself, struggling to sit upright without the support of both of his hands on the floor.
"They might not let you see Ben again," Joe picked up on his concern. He eyed the wounds again, then sighed.
"I'll dig through your medicine cabinet. And you are not going anywhere."

After a few minutes, Joe returned with antiseptic wipes, bandages and a bottle of water he forced Gwil to empty.
While he was taking care of the scratches, he noticed that Gwil was struggling more and more to keep himself upright.
"What's wrong? Are you feeling dizzy?"
"No. Just tired," Gwil mumbled.
Joe had a bad feeling seeing him like this.
"Are you really sure you're going to be okay if we stay here?"
"Yes. I just need to lie down."
"Alright then..."
Carefully avoiding the bandaged part of his arm, Joe helped him to stand up. Gwil's eyes fell shut several times as he was guiding him over to the sofa.
"I'll get you some more water," Joe said.
When he came back with a full glass from the kitchen, Gwil was already passed out.

Joe set the glass on the coffee table before sitting down next to Gwil. He hadn't planned on spending the night here, but now he didn't have a choice.
"You really could not have picked a worse moment," he murmured. As if he didn't have enough reason to completely lose his mind.
Joe looked around the room, unsure what he should do to distract himself. A half emptied bottle of something was standing on the floor next to the table. He picked it up.
"Well, here goes nothing."

***

Hey guys! Surprise! I am alive.
My writer's block is thriving. Hopefully that will get better now that we get to a more fun part... well, fun for me at least. You should probably brace yourselves.

Tay