UNDER THE MOON, Remus Lupin

lxiii.

PUT THE BLAME ON ME.
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Alice knew that she'd have to go back to class at some point. She figured it wouldn't be this soon, however. The next day. Kiara could tell something was off the second she walked into her dorm and saw that Alice was actually there. Then she noticed that Alice wasn't talking. Alice still hadn't said a word, even as she sat at breakfast that next morning next to Zephyr.

At this point, she didn't really want to be quiet anymore. She wanted to explain the situation to Zeph. But she didn't want to just start talking about it. The night was long without Remus. It felt like the hours passed in slow motion. There was no clock in their dorm, but she could hear the tick and the tock every passing second until it was the next morning.

She'd stopped crying. Around midnight she just couldn't find the energy to cry any longer. Believe it or not, crying is draining. Especially when you haven't slept in two days, going on three. Alice already knew that she wouldn't be sleeping tonight.

So she didn't plan on getting a good rest.

Fred had been staring at her for the past 5 minutes. Not in the way he used to. It must've been so obvious something about her was off. Otherwise, he wouldn't have looked so worried. He was dying to know if she was okay. Because she looked... well, she looked like shit. Yet still beautiful. She was Alice after all.

"Can you... please eat one pancake?" Zeph begged her with a frown.

Truth be told, her throat was scratchy and sore from crying. Swallowing would be like nails on a chalkboard, but on the flesh of her esophagus. She shook her head tiredly. Zeph just sighed.

Clint trudged into the Great Hall with Cedric by his side, who was bouncing off the walls, high on something reasonably exciting. Alice met Clint's eyes. He smiled, then kept walking. She just looked back down at the full plate of food she wasn't touching. Was it a bad idea to hug Clint, even in her worst moment?

"Today is the last week. I can't believe it," Zephyr said. He took a sip of pumpkin juice. "No more school."

Yeah. No more Remus either.

"Good riddance," Alice finally said with venom on her tongue.

Zephyr almost spit out his pumpkin juice. "Yeah, uh- good riddance." He put his arm around her shoulders.

Aria smiled awkwardly at her sister from down the table. If Alice could partially forgive Clint, she could forgive Aria. But Alice still couldn't find it in her aching chest to smile. So she waved lightly and left it at that.

The first class today was in fact Defense Against the Dark Arts. Remus still had not made his return to class, which meant Snape would be substituting another class. Which meant Alice would be even more miserable than she presently was, walking to class with Zephyr at her heels.

She was not wrong.

Class was horrible. Alice couldn't pay attention and Snape would snap at her every second. It was exhausting to pay attention to schoolwork when her mind was in a completely different place. Alice felt like she was spiraling in different directions and she was so dizzy that she thought she might pass out. She hadn't been eating, sleeping, and had cried for a whole day straight. What could go wrong if the loop continued?

Her arms were folded on her desk the whole time, her chin resting on her arms. Making it through the day when Remus did come back was a tomorrow that Alice didn't want to face. That's assuming he even returned tomorrow.

Alice spent a majority of the day wondering what life after Hogwarts would be like realistically. Obvious or not, Remus was not in that future. It was sad. Alice always got what she wanted, but it never lasted. She wasn't sure if that was worse than never having what she wanted, or better. Some people say it's better to have loved and lost rather to never have loved at all.