UNDER THE MOON, Remus Lupin

lxvii.

CAMPING
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"You're a fucking coward, Remus."

Remus had been sitting and listening to Sirius yell at him for the past hour. Over and over again he was called an idiot or a coward. Not that he disagreed. This was probably deserved. But Remus heard enough from that little voice in the back of his head. He didn't need Sirius chiming in too. Remus missed Alice. Sometimes he stood in front of the mirror and told himself that. He'd been staying at a small place outside of a busy city. It was in the middle of the woods, quaint. And the forest was deep. That way when the full moon struck he'd have no worries.

Over just a few days, Remus began to regret breaking up with her. He'd done it to protect her, but from what Sirius told him, he'd completely broken her. However, Sirius had the tendency to exaggerate, so Remus wasn't sure what to believe.

Alice had always been strong, beautiful, full of pride. She didn't seem like the type to cry over a breakup. But James was. And Alice was James' daughter. His mind was conflicted because he believed Alice was fine, but was receiving information proving otherwise. He found it difficult to visualise Alice Euphemia Lafitte crying over him. Especially after "breaking her heart" as Sirius put it. It's true, he did see a few tears fall before she left his room after his harsh words. But that must've been it. Alice would've held her head high. Just like she did on the train.

"Stay away from me."

If that's what she wanted, Remus would. Besides, he promised himself that he wouldn't get tangled with her again.

Some promises are meant to be broken. Was this one?

"Can you look me in the eyes and tell me it was for the best that you dumped her?" Sirius crossed his arms as if he were an unimpressed mother. Remus rarely ever saw Sirius like this. It had usually been James that mothered them.

"No, I can't, Sirius," Remus said, his tone raising. "It's best for her. Not best for me."

"How can it be best for her when it tears her apart?"

Though it was a fair question, Remus wasn't in the mood to admit that he was wrong. "She wants nothing to do with me anyway. I'm going to stay away from her."

"You can't possibly believe that this'll help her? Look, Remus. She's going to that ball in a few weeks. You told me you promised her you'd go. So go. Surprise her." Sirius had everything planned out as if he'd been thinking about this for weeks.

"I can't."

Sirius rubbed his face and paced back and forth in front of Remus, who was sitting in the grayish-brown couch. "I'm begging you from the bottom of my heart... Go see her."

Remus sighed. He wouldn't win this. "I'll consider it."

That was the most Sirius would get out of him. Remus wasn't usually a stubborn person. Alice was always one of the exceptions. He had been stubborn to let her leave him every day. Because he always wanted her with him. And now he hadn't seen her in days. And he was a wreck.

Tired, dirty, and unproductive. He wasn't as bad as Alice, but he felt worse than waking up after a full moon, torn to shreds, bleeding in eight different places, bruised everywhere. Sometimes emotional pains hurt more than physical pain. At least it does for people who learned to adjust to physical pain.

Sirius left soon after, leaving Remus to his discontent wallowing. Which Remus stewed in, smelling like sweat, feet, and the stench of heartache.

He still longed for Alice. It had been far too long since he felt her soft kisses on his neck. Too long since her spellbinding blue eyes rested on him. It was just too long without her. Each day it got harder to ignore that fact that he needed her. But he couldn't have her. Their relationship had made a full circle. Again, Remus was withering in consequence of coveting what he could not have.