The Dreams That You Wish

Chapter 3

"You better watch out for Ibo," Ceylin giggles later on that evening when they're back in their own cabin. They're sitting around the fireplace, relaxing in chairs opposite each other. "Esma abla says he's stronger than he looks. And that if you had actually kidnapped me, you'd have to answer to him."

"I still can't believe you told them that," Ilgaz groans, shaking his head. "You're such a menace."

"But I'm your menace. And you love me," she teases. But the air gets heavy when his look turns serious.

"I do love you, Ceylin. More than anything," he swears. "I never stopped. I hope you know that."

She nods. Because she does know that. That's what made this whole situation so much harder than it probably should have been. The love they share is so strong and so present that being without it has caused her some of the greatest pain of her life. She knows it had to have hurt him to divorce her. But he did it anyway because he didn't think he was helping her by being with her. Because no matter what she wanted, she couldn't tell him not to leave. Parts of her were pushing him away and simply refused to fall in line. So he had set her free.

"In the divorce hearing, I wanted to say 'Hayır' so badly. 'No, Judge. No, I don't want to divorce this man'. But I couldn't. And you didn't either. I thought you were just trying to teach me a lesson and would stop it before it was too late," she confesses. "I thought you would stop it."

Her eyes get a far away look in them and she stares for a minute, as if reliving those terrible moments in the judge's chambers just days earlier.

"Nothing would have changed, Ceylin," he says with a sigh. "At the time, it was necessary."

"But not now?" she asks, a mix of curiosity and hope in her voice.

He's quiet for a long moment, just staring into the fire.

"That depends," he finally says, turning to look at her. "What do you see when you look at me? Do you still see my father's son, Çınar's brother?"

Now it's her turn to take a long, silent, contemplative moment. But when she looks at him, things are so much clearer than they had been these past few days. It's clear what she wants.

"I see the man who loves me. The man who broke his own heart so that I would be able to heal. The man who comforted me from night terrors and kept me from hurting myself. Aylin said that I called for you. And you came, every night. Without hesitation. That you even went through my mother and landed yourself in prison."

"Fortunately I know a good lawyer," he teases, his small smile fading again as they lapse into another silence.

"My mother is in a lot of pain," she finally says as a way of explanation. "And once she gets an idea in her head, it's hard to convince her otherwise. Do you know that it wasn't until after Inci's funeral that she accepted the fact that she was really dead? She was in denial that whole time. Aylin had to lie to her to even get her to go to the funeral. I was ... hurt and angry that first day I found out what happened to my father. I blamed you. So my mother blames you too. I think in time she'll accept the truth. But for now, she can't see past her own pain. She can't see how hurt I was. I'm sorry for that."

"I can hardly blame her," Ilgaz sighs. "Just like I could never blame you. If this case came before me in court, I wouldn't believe I didn't have anything to do with it either. Why should your family believe I'm innocent? Even I blame myself."

"Ilgaz, don't ..." She tries to interrupt him, but he continues as if she didn't say anything.

"How did I not know anything?" he wonders. "I lived in that house with them for months. In hindsight, yes. It's clear now they were hiding something from me. And I asked Çınar time after time after time what was wrong. He kept telling me there wasn't a problem. He kept lying to me, over and over. He even tried to make it seem like I was just picking on him and trying to blame him for nothing."