The Dreams That You Wish

Chapter 4

"So ... we're still divorced," she points out.

They finally made it out of bed and decided to spend the day out at the lake. The quiet surrounding them is much quieter than she's used to. But it's recharging her. Refreshing her. Every minute she spends breathing this clean air is calming her in a way the city can't. The fact that she's out here with Ilgaz makes it all the better.

"For now," he says. "We still have about ten days until it's final. If we want to appeal, it'll be like the divorce never happened."

"I know, Canım. But you're the one who wanted the divorce. Are you saying you want to appeal it now?" she asks hopefully.

"I didn't want the divorce," he corrects her, letting out a heavy sigh. "But I think we needed it. I couldn't see any other way to reach you. I had to set you free. And whatever happens next depends on you. I don't want to force you to be with me if you still hate me, even a little."

"Asla," she says quickly, shaking her head. "Never. I never hated you. You have to believe that. I just ..."

He moves quickly to her side when he notices her getting upset. Pulling her into his arms, he runs his hand up and down her back to calm her.

"I know," he says quietly. "I know. It was too much happening all at once. We were getting attacked from all sides. You couldn't strike out at the guilty parties as easily as you could strike out at me."

"I wasn't trying to hurt you," she cries softly.

She wonders briefly how it's so easy to talk to him right here like this when not even a week ago, she couldn't even look him in the eyes. But the words are flowing freely from her heart now. Words that could have helped sooner. Words that could have prevented a divorce. But her silence had done too much damage. Then the few words she had given to him had hit their mark like a bullet, ripping through everything in their path.

You're guilty too, she had said. And just like that, everything was over. She hadn't really meant it.

"No matter what I said, I never really blamed you."

"I know, Baby." He kisses her temple. "I know."

"But I don't know if I can ever forgive your father. Or Çınar," she says hesitantly.

"That makes two of us," he admits. He can feel her shock. So he continues. "I don't know what to tell you because I don't know how or if I can forgive them either. I don't hate them. They're my family and they're always going to be my family. But I can't yet look them in the eyes because all I have for them right now is anger. I can't promise you that won't change. I can't promise that it will always be like this for me. I have a feeling that with time, I can get over some of the hurt. But that disappointment will always be there. The 'wondering if I can trust them' will always be there. The 'knowing that they cost me your love' will always be there."

She takes his hand, threads it with hers.

"You haven't lost me. Or my love." She gives him a small smile, gasping when his lips capture that smile with a burning kiss.

The sound of thunder in the distance makes them come up for air.

"We better get back in," he says, pressing one last quick kiss to her lips. He stands up, then reaches down to help her up too. They gather the blanket and the basket of snacks they had and head back inside.

They decide to stop back at the main house to return the items they borrowed for their lake excursion. Ilgaz slows to a stop when he notices a strange man towering over Esma. He's immediately uneasy.

"What's going on there?" Ceylin asks, also feeling uneasy about the encounter.

"I'll go see," he suggests. "Why don't you go back to our cabin."