The Dreams That You Wish

Chapter 19

Gül looks through the window and out to the street. She half expects to see the police surrounding the place, her guilt starting to get to her. But everything is still calm and quiet. Just a regular kind of day in a regular kind of neighborhood. She's just a regular kind of grandma spending time with her grandson. "Don't act suspicious. Don't act like you're doing anything wrong and no one will think that you're doing anything wrong," Yekta had counseled her. He had been right. People have seen exactly what they expect to see.

Surprisingly, the baby has been nothing but easy. He was a little cranky going to sleep the previous night. But she imagines he just misses his parents. She had to hold him for most of the night, rocking him whenever he cried. But she was always able to get him to settle down. She tried not to give it much thought. She tried not to think about how babies only do that with people that they trust. She never spent that much time with him, but Ceylin used to bring him by a lot in the beginning. So he must know and trust her. She must remind him enough of Ceylin to be comforted by her presence. And she can't help but think how she's about to destroy that trust. Because his new parents will be arriving soon.

She feeds him his morning bottle and then gets him all cleaned up and dressed in his cute outfit.

"Aren't you handsome?" she says, unable to resist the gummy, yet charming smile he gives her. She leans down to kiss his chubby cheek and to breathe in his baby scent. With a start, she realizes what she never realized before. He smells like Ceylin.This baby is truly a part of her own baby. And she's about to give him away.

"I have to do this," she says, tears of regret filling her eyes. "I need peace in my home. I need my Ceylin back in my home. And that won't happen with you in her life. You'll be fine. I promise. You won't even remember any of this. Ceylin will eventually move on, too. Just like Aylin has moved on from her lost one. My daughters will grow close again with something to bond over. My family will be whole again."

And she'll finally have her justice against the Kaya family. They took away Inci and Zafer. She's taking away Ceylin and Asen. The scales will be balanced and she will be calm knowing that Zafer and Inci's souls will be calm.

"I can see now that you're not the enemy, Little One. But you were never meant to be here with us," she whispers. She had it all wrong before. This baby, this innocent baby, never did any wrong. She blamed him for things out of his control. But now, she can fix that. She can fix his destiny. "You'll have a good life with good people who were meant to love you. My daughter wasn't meant to love you. Your father doesn't deserve to love you."

For the baby, she repeats to herself. She's doing this for the baby. She's doing this to make everything right again. No matter how much it's going to hurt her to hand him over. A part of her thinks she never should have agreed to this. The part that never thought she would look into his eyes and see her daughter. That part that never imagined she would care.

The knock at the door lets her know it's too late to change her mind. For a brief moment, she wonders if she can just not answer it. Just let the new parents walk away empty handed. But no. Yekta had warned her. Once the plan started, there was no stopping it. No matter how much guilt she feels now that she's about to give her grandson away.

"You're not my grandson," she says, more to convince herself than anyone else. She pretends it works.

The knock is louder this time. She doesn't want to risk bringing unnecessary attention to them. She opens the door to a very nice looking couple. Very clean. Very pleasant. Yekta said they had been waiting and praying for a baby for so long. That Asen is the answer to their prayers. She can at least console herself with that fact.

"Gül Hanım?" the man asks. "Are you okay? We were worried when you didn't answer."

"Is that the baby? Oh he looks too sweet. Can I please hold him?" the woman with him asks.