Frequencies

XXXVII

Gabby's POV
•€•
March 8th

Today is the day I leave the hospital. I haven't been home since everything happened and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared to go back.

He's gone but I can't imagine how my brain would process being in that space again.

"Why didn't Jordan take you home?" Maya asks, pulling me from my thoughts. I asked her to take me home. Jordan and I still have a lot of things to speak about before he has my complete trust again.

"Maya," I plead quietly, shaking my head.

"I'm just asking. I just thought you two...," she looks at me and I keep my eyes on the road as she drives.

"I wish it was that simple," I say, fiddling with my fingers. I want to trust him. I want to forgive him.

But he lied and he was keeping things from me. He left me and I was clueless. Hurting.

"Do you think you'll ever-"

"Maya, please," I plead now facing her. I fight the urge to cry. Everything just has my mind jumbled. It's not as easy to forgive him as it seems.

"Babe, I know you're still not okay and I think-"

"It's really not about what you think," I say. I don't mean to come off harsh but no one knows how I feel but me. I'm trying to figure out if I should be with a man who has been perfect to me up until this point.

"No, Gabby. Stop doing this to yourself. He told you he loves you and you aren't fooling a soul because I know you love him too. Yes, unfortunate things did occur but cmon. You're only hurting yourself by doing this," she says. I know she only wants my best interest but it hurts to think about.

I love him and he says he loves me. He shows he loves me. Most of the time. When he's not lying.

I trusted him. I trusted him with everything in me and he knows that. I let him into my life. Into every piece of it. Pieces I wouldn't allow anyone else to enter.

Into my life...my mind...my body...my heart.

"I don't know," I say conflicted.

"Well, I know that if any man went through the things he did to protect me, I'd understand," she says but she doesn't understand. I know who I was being protected from but I still don't know everything.

How can I just erase all of that from my mind?

"I understand but he should've come to me. I don't like the fact that he lied. Maybe we could've avoided all of this," I say, my voice is slightly elevated.

There's a lump in my throat and this is becoming too much.

"If the man involved was as bad as you say, I wouldn't want the person I love to be around them in no way, shape or form," she says and I can't help but feel it's easy for her to think the way she's thinking.

"I get that but I'm not a child," I retort. I don't need anyone to treat me like I am. He should've come to me and let me decide.

"You're not a child but you're the woman he loves. He was protecting you," she says.

"You both keep saying that to me but I just had a bullet in me. Before that, he was in my house with a gun. My home...fresh out of my fucking bed. What was all of it really good for?" I really want to know.

My chest pains me and I really don't have the brain capacity to keep talking about this.

"All I'm saying is just put yourself in his shoes. He had to lie and let you believe he wanted nothing to do with you because he was scared something would happen to you. He dropped everything he had here...his business, his house, his gallery and decided to leave LA for you. He followed that psychos orders, risking his own life to save yours. Gabby, he thought you were dead and the man looked as if he had his soul ripped out of him. Babe, if that's not something worth fighting for I don't know what is," she says.