Frequencies

LXVII

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Jordan's POV
•€•
November 23rd

I've been driving for hours on end. It honestly seems like I've been driving for no more than 5 minutes. The same gut wrenching feeling still remains just as intense.

How can she think that this is easy for me?

Yes, it's only been a little less than three weeks but that baby we're talking about is mine too...but so is she.

And if I had to choose...

It's just chance I'm not willing to take.

Why take that risk?

She doesn't understand how much it would kill me if something happened to her.

I pull over and stop at the one place I always go to clear my mind. Apart from Gabby...this is my safe place.

"Justice," I say as I approach his grave. I sit right before him. All at once, it's seems as though all the birds start singing.

The wind starts blowing and I know he's always with me.

I think about all things he's taught me and all the qualities I've gotten from him. Some qualities better than others.

But one quality that never seems to be enough. No matter how hard I try to protect the girl I love, she always seems to be in danger.

This time it's all out of my hands.

And in hers apparently. She won't even hear me out.

According to her, she doesn't need my protection. Now that...

I can only handle but so much. I had to leave. I didn't want to say anything I'd regret as a rebuttal. I'd dig myself into a deeper hole.

That's the thing about two stubborn people being together...I hear Justice as a part of my subconscious.

That's how he spoke about our parents. My mother especially. I don't remember much about them but he did.

Both stubborn and my mother especially when it came to her sons. Her children were her world.

Like Gabby...

This is so fucking hard. I can't lose her. I really can't.

I couldn't survive it.

I don't want her to have to make this decision. I fucking wish it was me and not her.

Me and not her...

Because if I was her...

Fuck.

Unfortunately but honestly...I wouldn't be able to live with myself if we ended this here. It would break me.

But I'm not her...I'm me. She's all I have. The most precious thing to me.

Is that selfish?

Maybe I am the selfish one.

I don't even realize the tears streaming down my face until my eyes become too cloudy to see anything before me.

At once, it seems the birds have found a new objective. They stop singing and fly off. The entire flock.

They depart and so do I.

I walk in the house and to my surprise, she's sitting around the island sipping her tea. She doesn't even look up at the door.

Diamond and Prince come and greet me the way they usually do. Then Prince, being the intellectual he is, whines at her when he doesn't see her get up.

I give her a little more space and a little more time. She's clearly not ready.