Always in my Head [Sashanne]

Chapter 3

⚠️Hello beautiful people, just a fair warning. This chapter contains a little bit of homophobia. Trigger Warnings⚠️

Sasha's POV

Why am I so fidgety? I wasn't acting like this until Marcy and I got to the aquarium. Maybe I'm just nervous that we are all back together for the first time in months. Or it could be, no. It can't be...

I felt a shaking on my shoulder. It was Anne, "Hey dude, you okay?"

I shook my head, " I'm fine, Anne."

"You sure? You kinda spaced out there for a minute," she shook her head in disbelief.

"I have never been better," I felt my face heating up and quickly changed the subject, "Now come on, let's get this party started!"

"WOOO," I heard Marcy shriek with excitement.

We headed outside to my car. I managed to talk Anne into staying at my place since most of the activities that Marcy and I planned were within walking distance.

First, we went by Anne's apartment, so she could grab some essentials to stay over a few nights. Marcy and I offered to go in and help, but we were quickly shut down by Anne.

"I will only be a few minutes," Anne reassured us.

A few minutes felt like a lifetime. I was probably just getting impatient.

Marcy and I were setting in silence. It was almost too quiet. Quiet enough that my thoughts started up again.

You are gonna have to come out to them eventually. When you do, they will probably not want to be friends anymore because you kept it a secret. You will lose your friends, especially that Boonchuy girl, just like you lost your family. Then, you are gonna be all alone again.

"No. No. No," I must have said that out loud without realizing.

I noticed Marcy looking at me with concern, "Sasha, what's really going on and do not say it is nothing like you always do?"

I sighed because I knew there was no way out of it this time.

"It is a really long story," I told her.

"Please Sasha," she pleaded, "It is pretty obvious whatever it is is causing you pain."

"I know," I continued, "I just do not want to ruin our friendship and lose you or Anne. Plus it is Anne's special weekend. I don't want to ruin that."

"You are not gonna lose us, Sash," I heard reassurance from Anne, "There is nothing you could possibly do to lose me or Marcy. You are definitely not going to ruin the weekend with your baggage."

Marcy shook her head in agreement, "We are best friends. We are here for you, always."

I quickly looked down as I could feel the blush running across my face.

Anne always knows what to say. She did represent the blue heart stone on the calamity box after all. God, why did she have to be so damn cute. Cute, what?

"It is a really long story," I claimed.

"Then, we take it a piece at a time," Anne suggested.

"Sometimes even a therapist needs help," Marcy stated.

It was true. Anne and Marcy don't even know about me going to therapy though. They are about to learn a lot about me tonight.

"If it is okay with you guys, can we talk about it at my apartment," I asked.

"Of course," both Anne and Marcy said at the same time.

With that Anne loaded her things into the back of my car, and we headed towards my apartment. I let Marcy and Anne decide on music since I was driving. Obviously we listened to k-pop.

After about forty-five minutes, we finally made to my apartment. It was getting really late too. I offered to carry some of Anne and Marcy's belongings, but I ended up just carrying the present I got Anne.

"Are you sure you all don't want me to carry anything," I really wanted to help.

"We got it, Sash," I heard Anne say back.

God, always so confident in everything she does.

We got inside my place, and I think the girls were taken back.

"Sasha, this place is amazing," Marcy was looking around in amusement, "is there just one spare room?"

"Oh yeah, I was gonna let you and Anne decide who slept in which room," I explained.

Anne looked confused, "Where are you gonna sleep?"

"I was gonna sleep on the cou-," I was cut off.

"No way dude," Anne turned serious, "you can sleep with me."

"I think it is a good idea," Marcy said backing Anne up, "You and Anne can bunk together, and I will take the spare room. It's all good."

It wasn't that I was against the idea. I just don't want Marcy feeling left out, but was all for sleeping in the guest room.

After a few minutes of settling in, we decided to change into our pajamas and meet in the living room.

I put on some blue checkered shorts and an oversized hoodie. I don't normally wear a hoodie as part of my pajamas, but I was tonight.

"Soooo, before leaving Anne's apartment," Marcy said with hesitation.

I was so nervous before Anne placed a hand on my shoulder and mouthed, "it's okay."

"Do you all remember when I told you all that I was living with my grandma for a few months after we returned from Amphibia," I asked.

They both nodded as I continued, "Well the truth is, I didn't just stay at my grandma's house for a few months. I lived there with her because my mom threw me out."

I looked up to see my friends with their jaws dropped.

"That's why we never stayed at your house," Marcy concluded.

I shook my head in agreement and processed, "I was thrown out of my mom's house because I- I'm bisexual." I clung to my knees and continued, "She did not take it well, so she told me to get my things and get out. I went to my grandma's because I didn't know what to do or where to go. I didn't tell you guys the truth because I didn't want to lose you too."

"Your mom threw you out all because you were brave enough to come out to her," Anne sounded almost furious, "that is totally unfair."

Who would've thought Anne could get so furious? It is almost like she cares.... No no no, we are just friends.

"Sasha, no matter what, we got your back," Marcy stated.

"Thanks guys, I'm sorry I lied to you both," a small smile forming on my face.

In reality, I wanted to breakdown and cry. I couldn't though. I always felt like I had to be the strong one.

Both girls jumped over to hug me. "Sash, you have nothing to be sorry about. We shouldn't have made it out like you couldn't tell us the truth."

Just like that it was time for bed, I checked in on Marcy one last time before heading to my room. I told Marcy goodnight and to hide Anne's presents. It seemed fit to give them to her one day we're out.

I headed to my room, and Anne was already asleep.

She's so beaut-, I mean she's so peaceful when she sleeps.

I crawled to the opposite side and tried to sleep.

___________________________________

What's up my people?

As always, feel free to comment suggestions, thoughts, and concerns.

-Whit