ULTRAVIOLET [✔]

[42] The frustration

LISA POV

Since sitting by the fire together in the evenings wasn't really a thing anymore since Jackson fell ill, Jennie and I spent that time alone in our stone home. 

We sat opposite each other on top of our bed, cross-legged and knees touching. I held my mate's hands and we had our eyes closed. Figuring out our soulmate connection wasn't easy so we decided to prolong it no longer. Especially since we didn't know how much time Jackson had left. We were all on the same page about getting the fuck out of this forest as quickly as possible. Even if we were still kind of protected within the fairy circle. However non of us could tell how long that would last either.

So here Jennie and I were, trying to finally figure things out.

Jennie had suggested we start with her trying to tap into my powers to feel my emotions without me giving her conscious access. She had done it before a couple of times but it had never been planned or on purpose. It had just happened apparently.

The concept was hard for me to grasp but my little witch had a better understanding than me of how magic worked. She was definitely the more trained one. At the back of my head it worried me because I wasn't sure if I would be able to do it when it would be my turn. 

I had no idea how to tap into her powers and use them as if they were my own. Jennie's powers were so different from mine and I felt like I didn't even know the whole extent of them. She was powerful as fuck and she had also had time to focus on nurturing her magic for years. Meanwhile I had shunned mine.

"Lili" I heard my little witch whisper and I opened my eyes to look at her. She opened her eyes at the same time and it was blinding. The colours in her eyes that weren't really colours at all, hypnotized me and I was sure she saw the reflection of it in my eyes. 

She was doing it.

She beamed at me with those incredible infinity eyes.

The little witch had actually been able to figure it out in the matter of an hour. I was so proud of her but at the same time I felt self-conscious about my own lack of ability.

"How are you doing this?" I asked her disbelievingly. 

She took a deep breath and squeezed my hands softly. "I... I think I... just concentrated on you... drowning everything out but you.... getting... a feel for your magic... where it's rooted... it's very much you... it's hard to explain, sorry..."

I closed my eyes again, trying to do what she told me. Focusing on her.

"Lili there's no need to feel inadequat, you can do this, I believe in you."

She was using my powers alright since she obviously felt my raging insecurities right now.

"Don't tell me how I feel! I know how I feel." 

The snappy words left my mouth before I could stop them and I pulled my hands from her grip, glaring at her. I didn't want to be mean but it was my natural defense mechanism when I felt like I wasn't good enough. I certainly wasn't good enough for this! We hadn't even started properly for me to try it and I already felt like I couldn't do it. 

I felt my inner walls go up. I felt myself become stubborn and distant. But I also knew that Jennie felt it too. She was too tuned in to me not to notice.

"Lili... breathe... take it easy. Nobody said you have to get the hang of it in one night." She tried to stroke a finger over the back of one of my hands in my lap but my reflexes retreated it from her reach which made her stop. 

"You obviously did! And we both know we're running out of time!" My voice sounded harsh and I couldn't stop it. I didn't want to talk to my mate like this but I had no control over my emotions at this point. My hands were shaking slightly.