Secret smile

10

Today had been a good day. Derek felt comfortable thinking that as he locked his office door. Today had been a good day. He had saved lives, been nice to people, had even managed to call his scrub nurse by the right name, though he was pretty sure that was a complete fluke. But it had been a good day. He hadn't had a panic attack today, and he had barely thought about Amy and Sarah. Good day. Now he was ready to go home and have a good night. Mark was already there and the game was on. He was considering being unhealthy for once and ordering pizza and wings to go with their beer. It would be a good night. He wasn't exactly happy but he wasn't ready to crawl into bed and forget that this was his world now. It had been an okay world today. Plus he had saved a life.

Today, Derek Christopher Shepherd felt normal. Or as normal as he had felt in over a year. He felt like a regular person who was living a regular life, instead of the life of a widower who had absolutely nothing left to live for. Back in New York, when he had saved a patient, he would call Amy to tell her all about it, and by the time he got home, Sarah had colored a picture and cookies were cooling for him. And tonight instead it was the game and Mark which was definitely not nearly as good as Amy waiting to hug him and the smell of cookies but he figured there were worst things he could be going home to. He had somebody at least, even if it was just his brother. And he had something. After a good day at work, it felt like enough for right now. He could be normal. He desperately missed the cookies and the pictures, but he was willing to continue making today a good day. He was not going to go to bed in tears tonight, he was going to go to bed and wake up tomorrow feeling like this would be a good week. And maybe, if he was lucky, he would run by the coffee shop and run into Meredith Grey again, ask her how her half-sister's birthday present had gone over.

He liked her. In the past year he hadn't managed to like a lot of people, every single one of them had driven him crazy in some way, but he genuinely liked Meredith Grey and recently he had been thinking of her more often. He liked how she giggled and how easy she was to talk to and how he could suddenly breathe the second she was around. He had no idea what it was but he liked it. After their run-in at the mall, everything had felt easier. He wasn't sure how that was even possible. But he had a feeling today was a good day partially because of the petite blonde he saw everywhere he went. She was an anchor or something, and when he had been grasping her arm at the mall, he had never wanted to let go. It had been a new feeling, and he had liked it. He had liked feeling attached to something. He hadn't mentioned her to Mark recently, mainly because he had no idea what to say. Mark would think he had the hots for her and he didn't. He wasn't interested in Meredith Grey, not like that. He just liked her and he wanted to be friends with her or something. He wanted to be able to talk to her and grab her hand and anchor himself to her or something.

It sounded weird, and when he had mentioned it to Dr. Wyatt, she had simply smiled and told him it was a good step to make friends. She wasn't a friend yet, but he wanted her to be. Apparently, he wanted her to be a friend so bad he could hear her cute giggle, even now as he walked quickly towards the elevators. "Seriously?" he heard her familiar voice laugh. "Seriously?"

"Meredith."

"Derek?" she breathed, turning quickly around, her wavy hair falling just above her low cut shirt.

"See, this would be you stalking me," he shrugged, looking at her carefully. Today, he definitely had to agree with Mark, Meredith Grey was really hot. The shirt showed off her chest perfectly, her make up was heavy enough to bring out her looks without masking them and every curve was hugged perfectly. She was definitely hot.

"I am definitely not stalking you," she giggled, her creamy skin turning a delightful shade of pink.

"This is my hospital," he sighed, moving to stand beside her.