Secret smile

50

She hadn't meant to meet him at the bar. When they had made plans for the day, it had involved him going to the bar with Mark and her going to see her mom. And then they were supposed to meet up at the trailer but it had been bad and suddenly all that she had cared about was seeing him. Seeing him and feeling better, because he always made her feel better. She had needed him. Needing Derek was just normal now. Before, Meredith had been scared of it. She had been really, really scared of it because she didn't need people. She wasn't the kind of person who needed people when her day was crap. Before Derek, tequila. That had been all she needed, some tequila and then maybe some random sex. But now, bad days meant Derek. Bad days made her need him.

And he was there. He was always there, which made the needing thing him that much easier than if he wasn't there. Because somehow she had never trusted anyone but Derek made it really easy to trust him and he helped. He didn't usually say much, usually he made her talk and he would just sit and listen. He would make these soft noises that made her happier and then he kissed her.

They hadn't kissed in a bit. Derek had given her clothes to change into, sweatpants and a t-shirt, and had given her a light kiss when he had handed them to her. But nothing since. He was busy. He had changed and now he was apparently making her something to eat because that's what his mom did when people were upset. He was standing shirtless and her eyes couldn't leave his muscled back. Her best friend had a really good body. She had been basically aware of it since the day she had met him, but now she spent a lot of time running her hands along the muscles and she was kind of getting to know them by heart. Derek had a really beautiful back. And somehow, sitting here, watching him make something for her in just his pajama pants made her feel calmer than she had all night.

She pulled her knees up to her chest and watched him, his pajama pants slung low on his hips and she swallowed heavily. She knew what was under the pajama pants, she knew. Derek had...every time they kissed, he got hard, really hard, and she had felt it against her thigh or stomach. Which was fine. She didn't know why it was happening, and it was still confusing, but she liked it. And she was pretty sure he liked it too. Sometimes he got really quiet and his eyes would change and she was pretty sure he was about as confused by this thing as she was, but he kept kissing her. He kept kissing her and definitely not trying to hide how turned on he was by it. He never tried to hide it so she was pretty sure it was a good thing. Or it could be.

But she wasn't going to think about it. She didn't want to think about it today. Lexie said it could be changing to something else, and Meredith liked that idea. She really liked that idea. But today had been bad and she just couldn't...she couldn't think about what the kisses and the hard ons and how wet she got. Right now, she was not going to think about that while he cooked for her.

"I know you think you're not hungry, but you're going to eat, okay?"

"Fine," she rolled her eyes at him.

"Do not roll your eyes at me, Meredith Grey."

"You sound like your mom," she giggled.

"My mom is a very smart woman."

"What are you forcing me to eat?"

"French toast," he smiled proudly.

"French toast?" Meredith grinned.

"Yes, your favourite."

"With powdered sugar?"

"Do I ever let you down?"

"No," she smiled as she pulled the blankets over her body.

"That's what I thought," he smiled. "It's nearly ready"