Secret smile

28

"And I know Mom's just worried, I know she is. But I just don't think...Derbear would hate it," Sophie sighed, staring at her hands as she played with a pen. Meredith had been on her way out. She was supposed to go home and head over to Derek's and she was definitely supposed to be gone. But Sophie had been sitting in her office looking sad and they were friends or something and Meredith had just stopped to talk, and it turned out being about Derek.

"Your mom has the right to be worried," Meredith shrugged, reaching to grab the pen from Sophie, because it really was kind of distracting and Sophie looked nervous and scared and...that couldn't be good for her or the baby. "He's...he's...I don't know what he is. I'm trying to think he's okay and getting better but I don't think he is and...he's your brother, Soph. He's your brother."

"He's my only brother. I mean, Mark's my brother but he's not my brother and sometimes...but when it comes down to it, Derbear is my only brother," Sophie sighed. "And he was getting better, he was. And now he is. Now he's...everyone thinks he needs to get on something."

"Do you think he needs to get on something?"

"No," Sophie said quickly and firmly. "No."

"Me neither."

"Really?"

"I don't...medicine won't work," Meredith breathed. "He's...his wife and daughter died, Soph and...medicine won't fix him."

"Thank you," Sophie groaned. "Can you tell my entire family that?"

"I...that might be awkward."

"But maybe they'll listen to an outsider."

"Have you talked to Derek about this?"

"He's not really talkative lately," Sophie sighed.

"I know."

"He's..." Sophie breathed, suddenly reaching and grabbing a picture frame off her desk and handing it to Meredith. "That's my family...my brothers and sister and me. It was...the Independence Day before the accident."

"Soph," Meredith murmured as she looked at the huge family, at Derek's huge, happy smile, one arm around Sophie and another around Amy. "He looks...happy."

"He was happy. I don't remember the last time I saw that smile."

"He...he'll be that happy again, Soph. I know it."

"But not with pills. Pills won't bring that smile back."

"No. No it won't."

"And I know...Mom and Kath...they want him to be...happy. But that's not..." Sophie murmured. "He was so alive, Mer. You just...everyone wanted to be around him. Everyone. He was like a magnet. Patients didn't just go to him because he's damn good, they went to him because he made everyone feel good. He made...he was this...he was amazing. He was everything good in the world in one person."

"Dr. Shepherd?" Carol, one of the nurses, poked her head in. "Your brother is here."

"Oh," Sophie breathed, frowning slightly at Meredith as she wiped her cheeks. "Send him in."

"He's probably looking for me, Soph," Meredith shrugged. "I was supposed to go watch movies with him tonight."

"Well you're in here so make him come see me. I think he's been avoiding."

"I'll stay here," Meredith giggled.

"Soph?" Derek's soft voice came from the door. "Do you know where Mer is?"

"In here, Der," Sophie nodded, her hand falling nervously over her slightly swollen stomach.

"Oh," Derek murmured as he stepped in. "Hey guys."