Secret smile

47

Of all the things Derek didn't need right now, it was Mark in his head. He had been having a good day, a great day. He had put pictures of Sarah up around his office, had cleared out his bottom drawer of his desk, packed away Amy's Yankees shirt, and had saved lives. The last two weeks of his life had been good. Except for the annoying voice in his head that sounded a lot like his friend. Mark was an idiot. Derek knew this. Sometime around puberty, it had hit Derek that his best friend was actually an idiot so chances are everything Mark had said had actually been just idiot speak and best to be ignored. He usually tried to ignore Mark when he talked. It worked well but now Mark's stupid concerns and thoughts wouldn't leave him alone.

The voice in his head, the one that sounded a lot like the idiot who had convinced him to try to jump out a second story window to sneak out of the house to go to a party, kept telling him he was in love with Meredith. Or worse, that he was hurting her. It was the last thing he ever wanted to do, and he tried to remember that jumping out a second story window had led to a broken ankle and nose and that Mark Sloan was just an idiot. Except now all he could do was worry about hurting Meredith. He never wanted to do that, she had had enough hurt in her life and he adored her. He wasn't in love with her but he adored her so the idea of hurting her was actually kind of the worst thing he could ever imagine. She had been so good to him, she had been his rock and she deserved everything in the world. So he was going to try to ignore the voice tonight. Meredith was coming over to watch movies and he wasn't going to worry about hurting her. They loved watching movies together, it's what they did. He was making pasta for her and there was cheesecake in the fridge, along with the wine he knew she loved. That would make her happy, and then they could just watch movies and he could ignore the idiot.

He had gotten extremely good at reading his best friend. At first he had believe she was fine when she had said it but now he never fell for it. If she acted fine, he noticed things in how she moved her hands and faces she made that gave her away. He would know if she was hurting, he always knew. And when they were together, Meredith never seemed anything short of happy. She giggled and laughed and teased him. Her eyes were always sparkling in that alluring way he couldn't ever forget, and she always curled into him while they watched movies. When it was the weekend and she didn't have to be at the practice, she slept over and talked to him almost half the night before falling asleep. Meredith was happy. Mark had no idea what he was even talking about. And he was pretty sure Meredith didn't mind the kissing thing, and she wasn't reading anything into it. He had told her he wasn't ready to fall in love again. She knew that. It was established and she understood it. She always understood him. Before they even really knew each other, she seemed to understand him and that was good. It was really good. She wasn't thinking anything else. He just liked kissing her and she seemed to like kissing him. If she didn't like it, then she wouldn't loop her arms around him and kiss him first. If she felt like he was using her, then she would never look at him expectantly, as if she were waiting for him to kiss her. This was stupid and he wasn't going to worry when there was nothing to worry over. She would be here soon and they would have a great night.

They always did. It was why she was always here. They always had a good time together and Mark was just an idiot. He wasn't going to ruin this. He wasn't going to ruin the best thing Derek had going for him in his life right now. Because somehow he had moved to Seattle and he had found this amazing person that had helped him start over. Nothing was going to ruin that. "Der?" his best friend's voice called as she opened the door.

"Hey!" Derek grinned widely.

"Hey," Meredith giggled as she slipped off her jacket, throwing it on the couch as she kicked her shoes off.

"I'm making pasta," he smiled. "How was your day?"

"Better now that I'm getting pasta," she smiled widely as she looked over his shoulder to the stove. "With alfredo sauce? You're amazing."