Secret smile

49

The scotch burned Derek's throat as he swallowed the amber liquid back and then put it down in front of him, his hands shaking slightly. He wasn't supposed to be here. He was supposed to be at the trailer with Meredith. Meredith. The girl he had fallen asleep against last night, only to wake up with an obvious erection and the burning need to...it didn't matter. She was visiting her mom and he was drinking with Mark. He wasn't getting drunk with Mark. Because chances were that after she was done visiting with her mom she would need him, like she always needed him and he was her best friend so he would be there and forget about how badly he wanted to kiss her. He wanted to kiss her and do things he hadn't even considered doing in a while and it was bad. Because she was his best friend. Best friends just didn't do the things they were doing. Best friends didn't kiss the way they kissed or touch the way they touched. He couldn't get over the curves of her body, how they seemed to fit so perfectly against his body when he was kissing her. He felt like some horny stupid teenager. And that needed to stop. He wasn't a horny teenager, this thing with Meredith wasn't about sex.

He adored her. He completely adored her. He was pretty sure the sound of her giggle was possibly the best sound he had ever heard in his entire life. He adored that he could sit and talk to her for hours and never run out of things to say or get bored with the sound of her voice. He loved just cuddling with her and watching a movie and it was all crazy. He was going crazy. This wasn't normal. This wasn't them or normal or anything else. She was his best friend, his anchor, and there was no reason for him to be thinking about any of this. Which maybe explained the drinking. He could forget about this so that he wouldn't...he wasn't sure what he was going to do with Meredith when he saw her tonight. None of this kissing had been planned, the touching had come out of the blue. And tonight she would need him. Seeing her mom always left her shaken and vulnerable and usually she would curl up in a ball and need him. But tonight, he had no idea how to be her anchor because he was quite certain he would just kiss her again. He wanted to kiss her again. Or maybe not actively right now but judging on recent development, he would when he saw her.

"That is the fastest I've ever seen you swallow scotch," Mark's voice came out of nowhere, or really from next to him.

"Oh...yeah," Derek sighed.

"You invite me out for a drink, make me skip hot sex with the girlfriend, and now you're getting trashed."

"I'm not getting trashed," Derek groaned. "I can't get trashed."

"Why not?"

"Mer's visiting her mom."

"Okay, I wish someone would tell me why that's such a big fucking deal," Mark groaned.

"It's...complicated."

"Right. Complicated. That's what Lex keeps saying."

"Mark, if you want to know, ask Meredith."

"She'll tell me?"

"If she wants you to know, yeah."

"Fine," Mark shrugged.

"But...I can't get smashed, she might need me tonight."

"Then what was the point of the drink?"

"Maybe I just wanted to spend time with you," Derek shrugged.

"Aw, thanks, Shep," Mark laughed.

"Just wanted to see my brother," Derek sighed.

"Really sweet."

"Shut up."

"I'm so sorry I've been neglecting you," Mark smirked.

"I said shut up," Derek groaned.